Before you’re married it’s easy to see marriage as the grande finale. It’s the thing we dream of and live for. It’s the force propelling us forward into this destination we call life. And then it finally comes! Now what?
Our sex drive allows us to connect with our spouse and create a bond for life. It’s the glue that seals together. As much as we’d like to think we’re rubber and people can just bounce off of us, the reality is that when we have sexual encounters, we’re being glued together.
We realized that we couldn’t expect our children to express what made them uncomfortable or scared if we didn’t teach them to understand and express a broad range of feelings, especially the uncomfortable and difficult ones. Our hope is that as we create space throughout our days to talk about difficult feelings, our children will be able to more easily verbalize instances where someone makes them feel unsafe or touches them inappropriately.
If you’re reading this and you currently struggle with porn, masturbation, or any other sexual sin, God has a plan for you. Jesus died so that you wouldn’t have to be a slave to addiction. He took that with him to the cross so you could be free.
Let’s talk about sex…specifically sex AFTER kids. Because we all know there are two kinds. If you are one who’s libido continued to climb after kids, if you are one who desires it regularly and if you continually feel sexy…
What causes you to get triggered? How do decisions you make pre-marriage impact your marriage? The pain or the pleasure during your first experience of an event creates a mental pathway that your brain later takes you down because it's the path of least resistance. This means EVEN if the situation isn't the same your brain/body can still react as if it is. This week's podcast feature's our directors, Cole and Caitlin Zick as they dive into the science behind sexuality and the scripture, and go after helping you become consciously aware of your subconscious "why", so you can know why you do what you do, feel what you feel, and how you respond the way you do. It’s now on all streaming platforms and YouTube!
Cole and Caitlin Zick invite us into a very raw and authentic take of their stories. What would it look like if parents healthily and intentionally talked about sex where they understand God’s full design for sexuality and that He said YES, not no? They’ll talk about helpful tools for taking an inventory on the impact your childhood had on your current perspective of relationship and sexuality. In that, the depth of your vulnerability will determine the completeness of your healing and wholeness in your marriage.
Beyond the scope of sexual past, one must consider who a person is in their present. We serve a God of grace and mercy, a God who uproots us from our old selfish life and plants us into the soil of holiness and righteousness. For those who are in a true relationship with Jesus, sexual past can no longer be the defining point of their lives.
There are many reasons why people really aren’t ready to commit to covenant. Perhaps you are immature, or started late in the game of growing in personal responsibility?In this situation, the best thing you can do is to ready yourself: discover who you are in God, learn responsibility, get a mentor, and find someone who can help you prepare for the responsibility and joy of marriage.
My past involves drugs, promescuity, sneaking out at night, shoplifiting, and a myriad of other dumb decisions I made, mostly in my teens. So when the “have you ever” questions pop up, they’ve learned Mom almost always says yes and Dad almost always says no (the dude has never even had a cavity, come on!).
This is content that’s easily accessible. On any mainstream porn site, it wouldn’t take long to stumble upon any number of racist titles that promote offensive and unwarranted ethnic and racial stereotypes. In a report titled Racism in Pornography, Alice Mayall and Diana E. H. Russell provide examples of blatantly racist titles including, “Animal Sex Among Black Women,” “Geisha’s Girls,” “Gang Banged by Blacks,” and the list goes on.
The reality is, at some point in our marriage we may find ourselves "noticing someone other than our spouse". First, let me say... there is NO SHAME. Just because you noticed an attractive human being does not make you unfaithful or "unhappily married". God created some seriously beautiful people in this world and I am impressed with His artistry.