Many marriages and relationships are suffering right now due to the prolonged effects of this pandemic. Patience is wearing thin and ironically, even though we are spending considerably more time together than ever before, our loved ones can still experience surmounting loneliness.
Once punishment is off the table, however, how do we move forward? First, we need to establish that both people in the relationship have the goal of restoration and are ready to do the challenging work of restoring connection and rebuilding trust. If the offending party is not repentant, or the injured party is not willing to forgive, they won’t be able to move toward each other.
As stress happens in your brain, it will turn off the relational part of your brain and send it into problem-solving mode. You and your husband may have different ways of solving the problem but because your brain has “turned off” the relational mode, it’s difficult to appreciate his strategy. You both just want the problem to stop! Whatever the challenge, remember that relational problems need relational solutions. Wait, pray, and talk through things once you are in a good emotional state and can see your husband as a resource and a teammate.
When someone is happily married, society has taught us to just give it time. Someone will fall out of love. Someone will screw up. Someone will decide marriage no longer suits them. Just give it time. And when we meet a couple who has been married for quite some time and they are still happily in love, we treat them like an anomaly- a unicorn of romance that must be documented and studied closely. This is the world we live in.
There are many reasons why people really aren’t ready to commit to covenant. Perhaps you are immature, or started late in the game of growing in personal responsibility?In this situation, the best thing you can do is to ready yourself: discover who you are in God, learn responsibility, get a mentor, and find someone who can help you prepare for the responsibility and joy of marriage.
The reality is, at some point in our marriage we may find ourselves "noticing someone other than our spouse". First, let me say... there is NO SHAME. Just because you noticed an attractive human being does not make you unfaithful or "unhappily married". God created some seriously beautiful people in this world and I am impressed with His artistry.
Get some sweet smelling oil or lotion, and give each other back rubs, foot rubs, or any kind of rubs you’re in the mood for! If you’ve never done this before, it might help to google a couple how-to’s on the best way to give a good massage.But at the end of the day, almost any kind of rub is a good rub. So enjoy feeling close through the gift of touch.
If you are single and waiting, or maybe just finding yourself in a waiting period for something in your life; I want to encourage you: The same Jesus who gave His life on the cross for you and rose from dead for you and sent His Spirit to empower you and has secured a spot in Heaven for you is the same God you can entrust your future to. He knows your desires, and He is faithful!
The same day I said “yes” to Ben’s wedding proposal, I began receiving marital advice. The. Same. Day. And I kept getting it all the way through my wedding day. The advice was mostly unsolicited, but I suppose the influx of tips and experiences from both strangers and friends can be expected for life’s bigger milestones.
Finding someone to whom you are physically attracted is an important part of the equation of a healthy relationship. But it’s not the only part of the equation of attraction. It’s important for us to understand that attraction is multi-faceted. While attraction may start as physical, it’s fueled by other aspects of connection: emotional, mental, and spiritual.
We must first start with the core value that sex is about connection, intimacy, and love. Sex is designed to be a safe place where both people are present and vulnerably giving themselves to each other. If sex is a beautiful part of connection with your spouse and not just about orgasming, even when your body, hormonally, may not want sex, your heart and emotions can still desire it.
The loss of self has nothing to do with losing our identity or our personality. It doesn’t mean we ignore our needs, wants, and desires or let go of our goals and dreams. It doesn’t mean we forget our opinions, our beliefs, and our ideas. No, letting go of self means one thing and one thing alone: we choose to lose all that is wrong in exchange for all that is right. Losing our “selves” means we let go of all that God has called us not to be in exchange for all he has called us to be.