Biological parents, step parents, grandparents, friends, teachers, coaches, mentors... we all have the same challenge: Our teens need our leadership and guidance through their most volatile season of life, but we'll only be influential in their lives to the degree that they feel safe around us, heard by us, and unconditionally loved by us.
I’d propose that numerous people have been seduced by things that masquerade as love but are just cheap imitations of the real thing. In fact, I have a growing concern that many within the Church associate God’s love with a version that looks noble on the outside but leads people into deep vortexes of emptiness and bondage.
Our friends are blessings (and sometimes seasons) as we mature throughout life. The people that God puts in our lives are meant to bring us closer to Christ by offering compassion, fellowship, humble correction, and forgiveness. If we want to truly maintain and strengthen our friendships, we need to have an open heart and mind on how to love them better as life goes on.
Part of the challenge is that sometimes people confess but they never repent! They get addicted to the feeling that happens when we bring our sins into light and the weight of shame falls off of us. The truth is that many times the addiction to confession doesn’t result in true repentance or a turnaround in behavior. Confession is important but if you think it’s the only step to wholeness, you’re missing out on full restoration!
When most of us hear or use the words “just love them like Jesus” what we mean is the unconditional love and acceptance of the person irrespective of their behavior…
So what does self-compassion look like? It looks like accepting what Jesus says about us and believing that we are worthy of the compassion He so freely gives to others. When we take that on as Truth, we begin to look at and treat ourselves the way Jesus does.
Basically, we realized that the box of relational tools we’d been handed by our parents and families was a box of broken tools. We were both the recipients of a legacy of multiple broken marriages and family breakdown.
When it comes to being a safe place, healthy communication is essential. Refuse to engage in disrespectful conversations. Bravely step into vulnerable conversations where you show the person your heart and invite an exchange of truth. Listen well, seek to understand them, identify what they are needing, and help to meet that need.
He told me that I needed to forgive the people who abused me or I would open the door to the tormentors in my life. It wasn’t easy at first but I realized that He had given me the power to forgive when He forgave me. Joyce Meyers said, “Unforgiveness is like drinking deadly poison and thinking the other person’s going to die.”
The negative stigma around going to counseling or therapy is finally starting to lift. Caitlin Zick interviews Dr. Margaret Nagib, Christian Clinical Psychologist, about how to know when or why to go to a counselor. If you find yourself still stuck after doing the best you know how, it may be time to find a counselor. Dr. Margaret and Caitlin also spend time digging into the topic of trauma. How to identify trauma in your life or from your past and the side effects you may be seeing in your life from unresolved trauma. Caitlin also shares from her story and they unpack the events, experiences and effects from trauma in her teenage years. This conversation is a great “starter” for a potential need to discover and dive into more. Want to connect with Dr. Margaret Nagib? You can find her resources or book an online session here at: thedunamisproject.org You can hear more on this topic for pastors and leaders in the Sex. Church. Culture. Vol. II E-Course (SexChurchCulture.com) from Dr. Margaret Nagib or for the females at The More Gathering (TheMoreGathering.com).
On behalf of women everywhere, kind, Godly men, the church, and even God the Father Himself—I want to tell you how desperately sorry I am for what you have endured. The pain you should have never felt. The tears you should have never cried. The life you should have never lived.
Trauma is something that most of us have experienced in one way or another, whether it was through abuse, abandonment, or a circumstance that we had no control over. As children, when we do not have access to resources that help us navigate through the pain of these experiences, we will often develop coping mechanisms that can be unhealthy in the long term.
