How Do You Manage Your Sex Drive Without….You Know?

Moral Revolution Team

Masturbation, Single Life

QUESTION


 

How do you manage your sex drive or your desire to have sex without masturbating? Masturbation has been presented to me as my only option and I’m wondering, is there any other way? How can I manage my desires in a healthy way?

 

 

TEAM’S ANSWER

 

First, we’d like to say bravo for asking such a bold question. There are many people walking around with this same mindset, and you are not alone. The fact you are even inquiring shows you desire to do things right so our hat is off to you!

 

I want to bring some freedom and let you know that managing your sex drive is absolutely possible and masturbating is not your only option. In fact it’s probably one of the worst “options” out there. We know that fear isn’t a healthy motivator, so we won’t focus long on this point. But it is worth mentioning the “cons” to masturbation, particularly if you’ve only heard masturbation promoted as the only (normal and healthy) option for controlling your sex drive.

 

Let me start here: I have not met anyone who feels victorious after they have masturbated. Many say they feel ashamed, empty, and lonely when it’s all over. Some may say, “It’s not a big deal,” but habitually masturbating certainly hasn’t led them into greater freedom. (And isn’t that what we’re all looking for — freedom, joy, hope, and, well, abundant life?) Many find that the more they do it, the more heightened their sex drive becomes. This makes sense because

 


when you feed your appetite, it grows.


 

If you’re trying to calm your sex drive down by masturbating, you’re really not helping yourself. Here’s the deal — a couple things happen when you are aroused and/or climax: your body gets flooded with hormones that cause an intense rush of pleasure (endorphins) as well as bond us to the activity, material, faces, fantasies, etc., that we expose ourselves to while masturbating (oxytocin, vasopressin). The combination of these hormones cause us to feel attached to the experience and drive us to repeat the activity—over and over and over—again. That’s the last thing you want if you’re trying to calm down and manage your sex drive.

 

Interestingly, we seem to think that the best way to feel fulfilled sexually is to get as much as we can without going “all the way”. Unfortunately, this leaves us feeling frustrated and empty. Why? Because God created us in such a way that our bodies are programmed to “finish what we start” sexually. Part of this is a relational finish, where we are able to experience oneness with our spouse. Without the relationship that remains after the orgasm fades, we feel like we’re missing something. It didn’t satisfy the way we thought it would, and we’re left with the same desires we started with. Why doesn’t masturbation satisfy these “sexual” desires?

 


Oftentimes, it’s because our sexual desires have less to do with sex and more to do with our physical, emotional, spiritual or relational health.


 

Let’s get back to the point at hand: If managing your sex drive feels like an never ending battle, there’s probably something out of balance in your life. It could be spiritual, emotional, physical, or relational. How can you correct this?

 

1. Learn and practice self-awareness.

Self-awareness is knowing yourself: what you like, what you don’t like, how you feel, what you’re good at, what you’re not good at, and how you affect those around you. Why is this important? Because many of us act out sexually and we don’t know why.

 

We, as humans, hate pain. We’ll do anything to avoid it. When we have (basically) any uncomfortable feeling, we begin to seek out comfort. This is in our design—we were made with the capacity to solve our problems, to seek our answers and find what we need. This comfort may come in the form of healthy relationships, it may come as addictions to food, drugs, T.V., sex, masturbation, etc. Is there anything wrong with seeking comfort? Absolutely not. But we must find permanent solutions to our repetitive problems, be it a lack of intimacy, too much stress, or our inability to process pain.

 

2. Practice putting words to your feelings and experiences.

Am I hurting? Angry? Lonely? Tired? Disappointed? Insecure? Vulnerable? Hungry? When we are able to name our feeling, we are more able to name our need. And when we can name our need, we can fill it in an appropriate way.

When we are unable to put words to our feelings and experiences, we are unable to meet the need that lies beneath the feeling.

 

3. Learn and practice self-control.

I probably don’t need to tell you this, but if you are a believer and have chosen to live a life set apart and unto the Lord, then scripture is pretty clear that God wants you to be able to manage YOU and not be mastered by anything. This includes any and all addictions – masturbation, food, shopping, caffeine, gambling — you get the picture. You can read more about this in I Thessalonians 4:3-7.

 


Consider this: momentary pain is worth long-term gain.


Our culture today is ALL about instant gratification. Delaying gratification (disciplining ourselves) is not a popular idea. We all want to be thin, but don’t want to exercise. We all want to have money, but don’t learn to save. We want to have amazing relationships, but don’t practice the self-control it takes to love, honor, and cherish our loved ones. Simply put, we have to learn to say NO to ourselves sometimes if we are going to reap the benefits of a healthy life later on.

 

Will it be hard? Probably, at least at the start. Remember, if this has been your pattern, you need to break it by abstaining. This means telling yourself no when you want to masturbate, especially if you are used to telling yourself yes, and your body gets what it wants. But, if you persevere, eventually, it will lose much of its powerful pull. The more you tell yourself no, the easier it will become and the cycle will be broken.

 

4. Be aware of your needs.

There are basic relational needs all of us have such as connection, intimacy, being known, etc., and oftentimes masturbation can act as a comfort or quick fix to us when any one, some, or all of these needs go unmet.

Masturbation is often an intimacy issue. It is crucial, for women, to feel known and to feel valued; without these, many women use masturbation as a way to feel loved, wanted, sexy, and seen, if only for a moment. Men may often feel the desire to masturbate when they have felt powerless, or disrespected. But it all comes down to the quality of their relationships and how they feel about themselves in them. Assess your relationships and make sure you have people in your life that know you and feel known by you. Relationships should give us life and bring us strength.

Thriving in relationship will keep you alive as a man and a woman and promote health and happiness. Having enough healthy emotional connection with those around you will help bring your sex drive under submission. If you get what you truly need, you won’t need to use masturbation to get a “quick fix” instead.

 

5. Be aware of what is stimulating your senses.

Let’s break this down: Being aware of what triggers your sex drive or stimulates you is important. What are you watching (movies, TV shows, commercials, Facebook/IM, blogs, etc.)? What are you listening to (music, radio, talk shows, podcasts, etc.)? What types of people do you surround yourself with and what things do you discuss? Are these people life giving? Are they cheering you on and encouraging you to go after your goals and dreams? Do you talk about edifying things or things that take you down a dark road? With sexual perversity all around us it can be quite easy to be sexually stimulated, so just be aware of what you are feeding your body, soul, and spirit.

 

6. Invite God in.

You may have already done this, but invite God fully into your process. Try not to get into the habit of just hoping He’ll answer your unspoken questions or requests. Ask Him. Cry. Get angry if you need to. God is not afraid of your emotions, your disappointments, your fears or your shortcomings. Let Him into it all.

 

When we give God access to the center of our behavior, He is ready and available to provide lasting change. Then discover how you can partner with Him to stay free. This might involve having a written plan for how to manage the feelings that precede your desire to masturbate. The Holy Spirit is able to guide you into truth and can bring you the strength, partnered with the tools, to navigate your God-given sex drive. God will never give you something you’re not able to manage.

 

7. Invite others in and say no to shame.

We are huge advocates of doing life in community. So we encourage you to ask for help and process what you are going through with older, wiser, loving leaders, pastors, parents, etc. They have walked this road before and remember, there is no shame or embarrassment in inviting others in and asking for help. In doing so, you may accidentally find the intimacy, connection, and comfort that you need in order manage your sex drive well.

 

8. Change brings change.
Also, never underestimate the art of distraction.

If you’re breaking out of a pattern of giving in to your sex drive, you’ve got to start doing something differently. For example, instead of staying in bed, get up, read a book, or play a game. Stop watching your “normal shows” or going to your normal after-hours spot if it sets you up for failure. This is part of practicing self-control and self-awareness. In a moment of weakness, you need to retrain your brain and body; don’t give in. Get up. Find another activity. Distract yourself. Stop isolating yourself. Spend more time with others. Make a change, and your change will come.

 

In conclusion, masturbation is not your only option.

Your sex drive doesn’t have to feel out of control. You can manage it by growing as a whole person, learning to get your needs met, and staying in relationship. You’ve just got to get a hold of the vision for why you would pass up on instant gratification, and push through pain: what do you, personally, have to gain? This is a question that you need to answer, genuinely, in your own heart.

 

Powerful people can tell themselves what to do. If you worked through all this stuff and you are whole, body, soul, and spirit, it may simply boil down to the fact that you want to have sex. You may have to practice saying no to yourself, at least for a time. There is nothing unhealthy about abstaining from sex or masturbation, and in fact, it may grow in you all of the character qualities that will lead you to healthy, fulfilling relationships, including marriage and a great sex life.

 

Think of it like this: you can’t have every sweet thing that you see or you’ll be at risk for becoming diabetic. You can’t have sex every time you are turned on. You’re learning how to manage your sex drive now so later you’ll know how to point that desire toward one person – your spouse – and he or she will be ever so grateful you took care of this now, and not five (or fifty) years into your marriage.

128 Responses to “How Do You Manage Your Sex Drive Without….You Know?”

  1. Georgy

    Thank you for this article. This distraction has cost me my well paid job, career, financial stability, and will power, and drove me into depression, despair and loneliness. This article has helped me to better understand what is going wrong in my life, and has given me the insight to fix it. Now it’s time for me to turn it around.
    For the benefit of the readers, I can confirm from my experience that this has little to do with high libido, and everything to do with other things happening in your life. This article is spot on !

  2. I have been struggling with this for a long time but its mainly because I suffer from bipolar disorder. I am a christian and never masturbate and its quite a challenge. but I have learnt some useful tools here., especially the part about knowing yourself. thank you so much

  3. Anonymous

    This isnt just sientific explained but also spritual too. Very beautifully explained.
    Hope this will change lot of unblanced to manage them selves to make oneself live peace and happy the way its designed.

  4. Renante Caballes

    Thank you so much for the article. It helps me a lot to face my life day by day. May the spirit of God bless you always day by day. I’m very much enlightened with the teachings being stipulated in the article. And may the present, new and next generation will be enlightened too.

    • Suddenly Single

      I understand. Like yourself I was married for 21 years and found myself suddenly single. This was never something that I would have considered or thought about as a teen or before being married. I wish there was more information available dealing with it after being sexually active for years within marriage. I do believe in maintaining purity in dating relationships. I know for many of my older adult single friends sexuality, and especially purity, is a huge issue. I would love to know of a good book or resource for older adults on the subject.

  5. I appreciate the type of answer you have given for this question.It really put some sense into me.I am surrounded with sexual puns all over me always. being an introvert I use Social Media for interaction and Social media consists really sexually distracting material which just increases the sexual drive in me. After reading this article i have actually understood my flaw and now i will work in the direction of fixing my self.Thank you for the article.

  6. It’s Early morning around 3am and God has truly brought this article to my attention. And several times I’ve had to stop and think about several points and actually broke down in tears as if in ways prayer is being answered before me now. I know I’m not alone and my prayer goes out to all who are also dealing with this issue as the same as I. Thank you Moral Revolution for this article and Thank my Lord God for bringing me this article,
    Best Wishes to all for the Lord is our Guiding Light.

  7. Jonathan

    I have identified that relationships and friendships are weak in my life. but (safe people) older, wiser, loving leaders, pastors, parents. I have not been able to find. Where can I find good community. I don’t have the luxury of living in Redding Ca. but live in a small town in the middle of no where.

    • Moral Revolution

      Hey Jonathan,
      We understand that it’s not always easy to find quality relationships and friendships. We would recommend getting plugged into a church community where you can find godly leaders, pastors, and spiritual parents. Even if you have to drive a little bit, it’s worth it to have good people in your life. Ask the Lord to bring people into your life as well, and for ideas for where to find community. The important thing to realize is you always have options, even if they’re not easy, you’re not stuck anywhere. Hope this helps!

  8. I have struggled with my sexual desires since I was a little girl, and only gotten worse as I grew up. I let my temptations get the best of me. At times I would not think about it and it went away but I am currently fighting this battle as an adult but one important thing was letting God in, letting him take control of the situation. FYI a big distraction was working out, running, dancing, keeping myself active and just trying to keep myself busy with anything! It’s a hard thing but I pray that I become an overcomer once again.

    • i’ve also been through this since i was little. i thought there was something incredibly wrong with me and there really is. i feel so bad for myself and thought that i was the only one like this. thank you for stepping up. God has helped a lot to have a way past this. the company of good people and other worthwhile activities aids too. the urge comes back every now and then but i hope i’m strong enough now to battle it through.

      p.s a couple of big thumbs up to the article.

      • Crystal

        I, too, have struggled with this problem off and on since childhood. I have never attempted masturbation until my 30’s, but I find the process unfulfilling, yet I still struggle with the desire to keep doing it. Thank you both for being willing to share your experiences. I am sad that others have suggested this affliction. Thank you for your advice on how to cope and distract myself.
        Thank you for this insightful and well explained article. May our Father God bless you all.

        • Sherly

          I am struggling about this too,and i feel bad and ashamed about it. There are times that i wanna give in to that thing but I don’t want to dishonor God. I want a healthy mind to please God but it was just so hard. Thank you for this article.God bless us

  9. Great article. This really helped me a lot. For a month now I’ve been thinking how would I be able to control my urges. I feel like I’ve been addicted to it and I don’t like the way it made me feel. I want to control myself so that my boyfriend will not think that’s all I want from him. Thank you for sharing this information. I will really really give my best to follow this. God bless you!

  10. jennifer

    i understand this thank you very much but how do i convince my boyfriend to wait till we’re married i
    he’s asking me to figure out how he’ll control his urges when it comes since i don’t want to involve in any sexual act at all.

    • Moral Revolution

      Hi Jennifer,
      It’s actually your boyfriend’s responsibility to control his urges. It’s not your responsibility. You can explain to him why this is important to you and why you think the healthiest option is to wait to have sex until marriage. If he’s still putting pressure on you to do things that violate your values, it might be time to consider ending the relationship and moving on. It might be a tough choice, but in the long run, you don’t want to be with someone who would ask you to compromise your values.

  11. What do you do when your wife won’t sleep with you in the past year and a half bit you’re still sleeping next to her? I don’t believe masturbation is an answer for anything really and He said He would meet our needs but mine clearly aren’t being met and the enemy will never stop attacking. Maybe masturbation isn’t so bad.

    • Moral Revolution

      In this case masturbation would be a temporary fix for a deeper issue. It might help meet your needs momentarily, but it won’t fix your marriage, and more than likely it would make things worse. It would be a good idea to think about marriage counseling or seek advice from someone who can help you figure out what’s hurting your physical intimacy in marriage.

  12. Thank you for such an informative blog.
    I can testify that all the pointers given here work. I struggled with masturbation after moving to a small town where I felt unwelcome and lonely.I hated the way I felt after each incident but what prompted me to kick the habit was finding out it’s a sin against your own body. Sexual satisfaction should be with your matrimonal partner.
    Knowing I was trying to feed a relational need with physical attempts was the first point in winning the battle. Secondly whenever the erotic thoughts came in I would distract myself with an activity.
    It’s been about a year that I kicked the habit and I thank God for that.
    You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you, praying for everyone struggling with this.

  13. You have absolutely saved me from myself. I recently met a man online that has morals!! Thank you Lord. All my adult life, I give in. I, at 60, finally get it. He is younger and wants to wait. He doesn’t talk inappropriately. Bonus!! For me, this is a first and we have a sincere connection. Unbelievable!! But I’ve always been the promiscuous type. I Googled desire because that’s what I felt and came across your blogs!!! Thank you so very much for saving me from myself and bad habits. This man that I’m speaking to is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and your blog has shed much light on what I want for my future. I can’t thank you enough. You are a blessing? !!

  14. Yusuf Jameel

    Thanks and thank u very much.Its really very helpful and informative.I really felt everything what u have mentioned here.It shows ur research on this topic……Surely amazing description……

  15. It’s like this. Waiting on God for a women to marry. Don’t want to engage in masterbation or sex before marriage. It could maybe a year or three until I get married. There are articles galore on non Christians going a year 100 days etc of not masterbating but they have sex. Not much on the Christian front though about abstaining for long period of time from sex and masterbation. There is a lot of how to articles written by married people. I want to hear from someone that has gone 2 years 3 years no masterbation or sex. Anyone here gone that long? Still looking for someone probably haven’t looked hard enough. Either way hope all succeed.

    • Moral Revolution

      There are many single people who aren’t masturbating or having sex and haven’t for even longer periods than three years. Over half of our team is single and fully walking out purity, so we understand it can be a tough road at times, especially when these have been habits in someone’s life, but it is most definitely possible and there are many people walking it out.

    • Sherly

      Yes got one here. Waiting for a year or two before can get married too… i feel bad about it.and ashamed to the Lord coz i have sinned a million times thinking about s3x.

  16. Connie

    Thank u so much ,I was struggling a lot about this issue .I’m a single woman ,sometimes I feel like doing it .And masturbation was the best remedy ,after reading this article I’m free .God created me he will help me to overcome.

  17. Wow this is the best article I’ve ever read about the issue! I felt so alone for so long…I thought there was something wrong with me. I feel like I can overcome this now & thank you much for talking about this issue!!!

  18. Samuel Chege

    A very well thought out article. Many a times we go wrong for lack of proper guidance. I can relate with most of what you have said. May God give me, and in deed the rest of us, the will and power to say no. I see freedom approaching. God bless you.

  19. I’ve been looking for something, anything, Christ centered related to the topic of sex drive. I am so thankful that I found this. So much I have read out there is a terrible perversion of something beautiful that God has gifted us. As a woman I felt so alone in my struggles. Reading this really helped me change my perception and identify some deeper issues going on. Thank you for this.

  20. Jasmine

    I find this article very helpful… Thanks a lot for shedding light to a major issue in our lives… However there’s something really weird I noticed about my body… Whenever the urge comes, I engage in activities in attempt to get my mind off it (Dancing, sometimes long hours in the shower) but afterwards i still feel really uncomfortable & insomnia takes charge of the night (restlessness)… Could it be as a result of something deeper than just a sexual desire or an unusual body reaction to it?

    • Moral Revolution

      Thanks for your vulnerability with this question, Jasmine. There are a couple options for things you could do. One would be to look for patterns. Is there something that triggers you before you have this urge? There may be certain movies or music or things like that you might just have to stay away from in order to help you out. It might not be media, it could also be certain feelings like anxiety or insecurity. Knowing yourself is super important for figuring out how to steward your sex drive. Another option is to get your hormones checked by a doctor to see if there’s possibly a hormone imbalance. If there are leaders or people in your life you would trust to talk about this and give you some input, we always recommend you speak to those people and ask for the wise input of people who know you as well. Hope this helps!

  21. Marcus Kavetsky

    Thank you im crying so much reading this. Its hard ive been 7 days without and im doing this because i want to take a stand in my relationship with god. Its hard and painful im scared and ive been doing some of the things in here suggested. But its so hard. Thank you for this encouragement. I needed it desperately ive read all types of things but it encourages it once in while instead of seeing the moral aspect of the picture making me think its ok the lies of the enemy. But no i shall not be enslaved! Thank you so much

  22. Anonymous

    Indeed this is a very good article. Well I would like to ask you help. I am a widow and I was married for
    43 years. I lost my husband almost a year ago a great man of God and we pastored many churches.
    I love the Lord and I am a responsible christian I would like to know wat can I do to lessen my sex desire. God has kept me from this desire until now but lately although I have prayed about it the desire
    keeps coming. I know that to have sex without being married is a sin and I do not want that. I do real-
    ly keep away from films and pictures that are immoral. I am praying so that God will give me a christian husband but it is taking long, not on God’s time but my time. I am also feeling lonely because
    at the time the Church I am attendind to has only three persons but today the Pastor gave a good new he wants to open a door to preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I am in this situation because
    this referred Pastor is the Father of my Son in Law. He is a responsible christian as well as his wife.
    When my Husband passed away my eldest Daughter helped me and suggested that I could come and live near her In Laws so she helped me to find a house near the place where they live.

    Well I told you all about my problem and I would like to be helped.

  23. THANK YOU so much MR for this! God is mindful of me. I keenly feel my God’s love and awareness of me through your article. So, keep helping and healing people.

    (P.S. Can you tell me which church community are you? I may like to visit one day. Thanks again.)

    • Moral Revolution

      Get up and take a walk, get some exercise, get away from the environment that caused it. Go talk to someone about something completely unrelated. Also, don’t feel bad about it, it happens sometimes, and it may have nothing to do with what caused it. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Hope this helps!

  24. Hi, the article was very helpful.. I was into this for more than a month.. I was tired of all this stuff because definitely it’s not a permanent fix.. But know I believe I’ll get over it.. Thank you very much..

  25. Being a virtuous man today is hard, but being a single, virtuous man in the Military, is a nightmare. Young soldiers in particular have heckled and mocked me for abstaining from porn, drugs, illicit sex and jerking off. Worst of all is when they misquote scripture to try and justify the latter. It’s comforting to know that I can still find good support on the Web when I need it. Thank you.

    • Courtney Chupp

      Thank you Moral Revolution! I’m a guy I know exactly how other men feel because I’ve struggled with masturbation myself. We’re not in this alone we’re in this together and thanks so much for sharing it.

  26. I love this and its all true :))) Marriage is a sacred sacrament that people should know especially the young ones :))) and God made sex for creating life of two people bind by God :)) thanks for sharing it God bless

  27. michael

    Really blessed even to know both men and women struggle with this moral issue.Therefore knowing way to self control in God and practice it even when it appear hard to attain freedom from it I will finally triumph over it in Jesus name.

  28. Kelvin

    So helpful MR, I’m a single young person and have been asking a lot of questions dealing with these issues with no answers but today you’ve shed light in my life. God bless you all

  29. Missy

    This article made me realize about a lot of things in my life right now. I almost forgot about things i shouldn’t. Thank you for posting this. It makes me happy knowing that i’m not alone and that someone understands me. Plus i realized that i must talk to God more often. Thank you so much. God bles this ministry.

  30. Elias

    Hi… it has been really a struggle for me and destroyed my relationship with others. Thank you for this insight. I believe i will win this battle with the help of God. Thank you MR

  31. Shahzad

    You are awesome. Before reading your article, i was depressed and i couldn’t find an answer that will satisfy me. You just helped my growth level 100%. Thank you so much. I am now a regular visitor of your forum.

  32. Anonymous

    Thank you, Sir! For this article. My prayer is that the Lord helps us all in this struggle because it’s easier said than done. However, it is definitely possible.

  33. Shivan

    It’s really a good article… everyone should read this at least once… whether he/she is going through such kind of situation or not. We should talk about this with our close one that how to overcome it without feeling embarrass. There is nothing to ashamed about…… All the Best.

  34. Tesneem

    Bless you! What an awesome read.. i found this passage by googling, ‘What can satisfy sex cravings’, thinking I’d find a list of things to eat or whatever instead of falling to masturbation. But I found that when you learn and realize and stay conscious and self aware and let God in and change routines that lead to the act, you will find change. I’m so thankful I read this. Thank you. Bless you truly xx

  35. I am in my late thirties, married with three kids and this struggle has almost caused me a divorce and to lose my kids. It started when I was subjected to magazines as a kid, every since then I have been addicted to it. There is nothing wrong with my marriage but I’m still addicted. I have went to see a Christian counselor for a week as well. The them that keeps going around is to distract yourself and pray. It does make you feel bad when you are finished and I think the addiction comes from the good feeling of when you are actually doing it. The temporary good feeling replaces the bad feeling you have and its a vicious cycle. It’s nice to hear I’m not the only person struggling with this though and that there are women who struggle as well. That makes me feel not quite as bad. God bless and good luck to all and thanks for the article!

    • Moral Revolution

      Hey there, if you feel like you’ve tried everything and nothing has worked, then another option would be to seek some outside help such as a faith-based counselor or someone similar. We’ve noticed that a lot of times with sexual issues, they have less to do with sex and more to do with root issues in your heart and mind. Hope that helps!

  36. I despair of meeting someone who finds me attractive enough, in any way, to marry. Even if, by some direct miracle, someone wants to be in a relationship with me, it would likely come when I’m ~30, so all the abstinence stuff strikes me as 20 years, if not a lifetime, of effectivly going hungry for a chance at ( not a guarantee ) of fulfillment. Normally I’d just read your article and move on, but it was very well-put, and you’ve provided several good clarifications in other comments. In case you can’t tell, I’m terrified of being single and alone my whole life, so do you have any advice for a man tired of waiting for relief that might not ever arrive?

    • Moral Revolution

      Hey Marc,
      If you want to be married, God knows that. You can trust that He knows the desires of your heart and wants to meet you there and bring you someone amazing for you. Also, you attract the kind of love you have for yourself, so if you want to attract someone who loves you well and respects you, this starts with loving and respecting yourself. We have a video that talks more about this if you want to check it out. It’s under our free digital course, and it’s called “Who do you want to attract?” You can sign up for free here: http://courses.moralrevolution.com/courses/character.

    • Gracey

      Waiting is the most challenging thing both girls and boys specially us as a christian, we want to have answer right away on what we want like a spouse. I hope the Lord will bless you and give you the wife that you deserve. In God’s time. Let’s continue trusting him.

      -sherly grace

  37. I feel so disgusted with myself after giving in to temptation. Even though one moment I swear I will stop it, the need to remove anxiety is so great and I cave in because it’s such a quick,easy fix. Even as I write this my mind is wondering to instant sexual satisfaction. I wish this wasn’t such a “hidden” difficulty for so many folks. It’s just an embarrassing subject that people don’t want to talk about. This is an excellent article and I wish more people would have honest and open discussion like this.

  38. Michael

    Thank you for this article. I am a Christ follower who wants to be celibate for Jesus but I struggle greatly with this. I am able to get a few weeks under my belt and then it comes back and I fall again. Now my issue is not so much with the sin of pornography and masturbation, because I know that Jesus forgives me the second I ask for forgiveness. My issue is with the toxic guilt that plagues me through the whole next day! I have such a tough time forgiving myself than I start to get frustrated with God, which I feel even worse about.

    This morning was one of those days. I did the thing I did not want to do last night and I woke up to the sting of guilt that manifested into anger. I got really mad with God! I yelled, I asked for help, I begged for the Spirit to help me but there was NO HELP! I got angry with the Lord and it took this article to remember Jesus is OK with that! So first thanks for that. It allowed me to go back to God and apologize for my rebelliousness.

    Next is the fact that this is rarely based on the desire to have sex. I can go through the day with minimal lust. I see someone attractive and I will look away. I try to never covet and for the most part I can get through the day without lusting. I am not at risk until I become tired and my medication kicks in. At that point I become very week. Now, with this article, I can put a name to the emotion that is causing me to fall and that is being tired. So I have no identified the emotion. The next piece that really helped me was the distraction. When I become tired and my meds kick in I am going to change the way I order this. Instead of taking the meds and sitting on the couch as they kick in I am going to get into bed, take my meds and put on a distracting show. (something wholesome). The distraction is a brilliant technique.

    Last, I would love to offer prayers for all of us who are suffering with sexual sin! It is a VERY HEAVY CROSS TO CARRY! Be gentle with yourself and accept God’s forgiveness. I try to remember that God forgives and forgets, I need to follow the same example.

    God Bless You All!

    Michael

    • Gracey

      I clearly understand your point and how you feel about the frustrations and all. Thank’s God i saw this article in google. It’s really a great help
      God bless us.

  39. Rachel

    I think this was helpful, but I would have thought that God’s involvement would have been the first point mentioned rather than like the 7th because realistically we can not do any of the listed steps without Him, seeing as we are going against sin and temptation, and humans do nit have the strength to do so on our own.

  40. Gracey

    I am struggling so much with the same issue there are times that i can’t control myself in watching porn videos, I am very ashamed to the Lord because I know that He can see everything in me. I don’t to give myself to anyone until I get married and put myself into shamed. LORD PLEASE help us overcome this. Thank’s to this article. GOD BLESS US.

  41. Katrina

    I found this article when I Googled something like “techniques for calming libido.” I was expecting to find articles that spoke about cold showers, physical exercise, or thinking about something very un-sexy. I am so thankful to have found an article that treated this question as a serious issue and spoke of it from not just a physical perspective, but also the spiritual and emotional perspective. I have struggled with this since my early teens, and it has only been in the last few years (I’m now in my late 30s) that anyone has brought the emotional and spiritual aspects into the equation for me.

    Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for this article, and for having the courage to say, in today’s world, that it is healthy and productive to resist sexual urges and to avoid masturbation. God bless!

  42. Older Guy

    I really appreciate the write up you did. It is certainly a difficult conversation to have with anyone including yourself. People don’t realize how things like this affect everything around them. I could say a lot but mainly just want to let you know that you have helped my family and me. Thank you!

  43. That’s a great article!
    Particularly liked, when you feed your appetite, it grows. This witty statement explains the phenomenon in a nutshell.
    Keep writing and inspiring. You are changing Lives everyday. 🙂

  44. keturah

    Thank you so much for this article. I’ve been struggling with masturbation since I was a child. This has opened my eyes a lot. I pray for grace to say no. God bless you for this.

  45. Anonymous

    This is beautiful, I’ve been struggling with masturbation for 5 years now. I’ve read a lot of articles but this is the only one that mentions talking to God about it. I’m a Christian and I love to know that someone believes that this problem is as much physical as is spiritual. Thank you very much, I’ll work on myself, and I promises to preserve my sexual desires

  46. Great read! I have a question: If I refuse to turn from my sexual sin then am I really a Christian with a heart for Jesus? My problem is that I love God and want to honor him but I also love sex with my girlfriend. We both are Christians and have debated the Bible’s interpretation of premarital sex. I have studied the Bible a lot in the last year so there is not much to debate in my opinion. She doesn’t read much and wants to continue being sexually active. Once you’ve been sexually active for nearly ten years it is extremely challenging to stop though! (WE haven’t dated for ten years.. just a short time actually. Getting married is an easy answer but I don’t want to rush that… wish I felt the same way about sex) I feel the need to make a change so that my sex life honors God but it requires so much self control (a fruit of the spirit that I haven’t quite mastered.) I ask God for help but I feel like the Holy Spirit says he has given me the strength, I just need to make the decision. (Maybe that’s the devil tricking me… I’m still trying to grow in the area of hearing the Holy Spirit.) Letting go of sex is so tough though! God created sex to be great and it is… can I just keep living in this one sin? What are the consequences if I do? I feel bad though because Jesus didn’t say, “Take up 90% of your cross and follow me.” He didn’t say, “Lose almost all of your life for me and you will find it.” He gave all for me and He deserves my all in return. I just can’t imagine sex within marriage to be better than sex outside of marriage. I guess if a person waited for years it would be incredible. In a weird way I look forward to dying so I can literally just sit down with God and ask him all these questions straight up. Maybe the fact I’m living in sin inhibits me from hearing Him very well now…

    Any advice is appreciated.

    • Moral Revolution

      Hi Trey,
      The Bible gives us guidelines about sex in 1 Corinthians 7:1-3: “Now for the matters you wrote about: ‘It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.’ But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her.” Since you aren’t married, the Bible actually says you shouldn’t be having sex. We have another blog about the side effects of sex before marriage. You can check it out here: http://moralrevolution.com/the-invisible-effects-of-sex-before-marriage/. We understand it’s not an easy thing to stay away from, especially once you’ve already started, but we also believe living outside of God’s guidelines is never going to be the highest level of living. He promises you abundant life, but you can’t get to abundance if you don’t follow the roadmap He gave us to get there. God did create sex to be good, but He also created it to stay within a certain context. Hope that makes sense, and we will be praying for you to find the grace and strength to walk out purity in your relationship.

  47. Hi. I sincerely don’t know how to say this.
    I am married and GOD knows I love my wife but I still looking how to stop my desire for her. After reading this article I think is more for those you try to manage their sex drive by masturbation; I don’t masturbate and I have to confess that it is not the envy that is lacking but I know that is not the solution. So how can I stop my sex drive toward my wife? if not because I am a believer I would had sex with somelese long time ago. Is there any way to stop or considerably reduce my sex drive toward her knowing that we sleep on the same bed almost every night? thanks in advance

    • Moral Revolution

      Hey Gustave,
      It sounds like there may be something deeper going on. There may be other needs inside of you that need to be met that you are trying to get met by sex. It’s too much pressure to put on one person to meet all of your needs. It might be helpful to talk to a doctor or counselor or church leader you trust who can ask you questions and find out if there may be something else going on. Hope this helps!

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