Getting Our Needs Met In A Healthy Way

Cara Santos

Masturbation, Sex

Let’s be honest:

When we ask, “How do I get my needs met in a healthy way?”
what we’re probably really asking is:

“How do I fulfill my sexual desire in a way that is satisfying, but not sinful?” 

 And if we’re really asking that, the more appropriate question is probably, “What is the real need underlying my desire for sex, and how do I meet that need in a healthy way?”

You see, as we’ve started discussing, many of our sexual desires are not actually pointing us toward sex. This desire, feeling or emotion is our body’s, soul’s, or spirit’s voice saying:”I NEED SOMETHING! HELP ME!”

To find what you need, let’s look at some thoughts that might sound familiar to you:

Example A:

“I just want to be held tonight,” is really saying:

“I SO need to be comforted right now.”


What is a healthy source for meeting these needs?
Quality time with good friends, family, God. Maybe journaling.

Would sex meet this need? What about masturbation?
Not necessarily, and certainly not in a lasting way.

Example B:

“Once I get a boyfriend, I’ll know I’m beautiful,” means:

“I need to know how significant I am. I need intimacy. I need to be seen.”

The real needs? IDENTITY and PURPOSE.

Healthy source:
Relational intimacy with God and believing what He says about you.

One night stand? Porn?
I’ll pass.

Example C:

“If I don’t have sex or masturbate right now, I’m going to punch something,” could very well be your body’s voice telling you:

“I’m super stressed right now, and I need some kind of endorphin rush.”

The real need? COMFORT, or could be a physical need like EXERCISE.

Healthy source:
How about verbally processing your feelings of anger, frustration or disappointment with someone? Crying. Taking a good nap. Going for a run.

You tell me — what would work for you?


Click to read Part One and Part Three of this blog series.

7 Responses to “Getting Our Needs Met In A Healthy Way”

  1. “”but sex is not actually a need. All of your needs can be met without having sex, or God would not have instructed us to only have sex in marriage.””

    I’m sorry, but I can’t accept this, it is contrary to all life shows us. God does many things to us that are just going to…well, for lack of a better word – suck. We just have to endure, it’s our test, it is most definitely a physical need and maybe science will find a safe way to reduce that drive in us to the point where we are only having the good loving sex of a marriage, but for now, just gotta tough it out.

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