Coming into the church from a dark background can feel just as isolating as being in the world. When someone carries real trauma, real addiction, or a story that doesn’t fit the typical testimony template, the church’s response often determines whether they stay or walk away. And too often, that response misses the mark.
Why Do People from Hard Backgrounds Feel Out of Place in Church?
Victoria Sinis, an ex-OnlyFans agency recruiter who gave her life to Christ, described this tension candidly on the Let’s Talk About It podcast. After her radical conversion, she started attending a young adults night at her church. The speaker that night shared about their biggest trial: they had been prophesied over to become a teacher, became a teacher, hated it, and had an existential crisis. Victoria sat there thinking, “I don’t belong here.”
Not because the speaker’s struggle wasn’t real. But because Victoria had seen and done things that felt worlds apart from the stories she was hearing. She had worked inside the porn industry. She had a history with cocaine, alcohol, and suicidal thoughts. And sitting in a room where the hardest thing someone experienced was career disappointment made her feel like an outsider, not because anyone was mean, but because the gap between her story and theirs felt uncrossable.
That gap is where a lot of people get lost. They leave the world and walk into the church expecting to finally feel like they belong. Instead, they feel more alone than ever.
What Does the Church Get Wrong?
Treating People Like an Exhibit
Victoria shared a moment where someone at church approached her and said, “I’ve never met someone like you before. I’ve only seen people like you on social media. It’s so interesting to meet one of you.” The person meant well. They were probably genuinely curious. But the language reduced Victoria to a category instead of treating her as a person. “One of you” is not a phrase that makes someone feel welcomed. It makes them feel studied.
Rushing to Fix Instead of Sitting With
When someone shares something heavy, the church instinct is often to fix it. Quote a verse. Offer a solution. Redirect toward praise. But Victoria’s message was simpler: you don’t have to fix their problems. You don’t have to give them scripture. You don’t have to say, “Well, you’re in Jesus now, so you can’t get sad.” Just sit with them. Ask how they’re doing. Give them a hug. That’s it.
Having an Agenda Instead of Having Empathy
Victoria was direct: some Christians approach new believers with a discipleship agenda instead of basic human empathy. They want to track progress, measure growth, and see spiritual results. But someone walking out of addiction, trauma, or exploitation needs time to simply exist in a safe environment. Victoria’s breakthrough didn’t come through a curriculum. It came through a handful of people who treated her like a human being and loved her without conditions.
What Does It Look Like to Welcome Someone Well?
Don’t Overcomplicate It
Victoria’s advice is almost disarmingly simple. If someone tells you something that makes you uncomfortable, just say, “That sucks. I’m so sorry.” You don’t need a theology degree to respond with empathy. You don’t need to have experienced the same thing. You just need to be present and not weird about it.
Drop the Performance Expectations
Victoria described binge-using cocaine three times during the eight weeks between her first church visit and her baptism. She went out one night planning to stay sober, ended up using until 3 AM, and still went to church the next morning. And Jesus didn’t condemn her. He didn’t point a finger. He wasn’t waiting for perfection before He showed up. The church needs to mirror that same patience. Not everyone’s turnaround is clean and fast. Some people are stumbling forward, and that’s still forward.
Love Without a Timeline
Victoria’s turnaround happened fast, but she was clear: not everyone’s will. Some people need months or years to untangle from their past. The role of the church isn’t to set a timeline for healing. It’s to be a consistent presence that says, “You’re welcome here, however long this takes.” That kind of patience is what kept Victoria engaged during the hardest weeks of her transition.
What Would Victoria Say to Someone Still Holding On?
Her message to anyone listening who knows they’re holding onto something they need to let go of was simple and direct: “You literally can’t imagine what’s on the other side of surrender.” She’s not speaking theoretically. She gave away her savings, quit her job with no backup plan, and watched God fund an international speaking platform from nothing. Not because she’s special, but because she said yes.
And her message to the church? Stop being weird. Stop treating people from hard backgrounds like projects or exhibits. Just love them. Ask how their day was. Let them be human. That’s what made the difference for her. And it’s what will make the difference for the next person who walks through the doors carrying a story the church has never heard before.
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Listen to the Full Episode
This post is based on an episode of the Let’s Talk About It podcast by Moral Revolution. Listen to the full conversation:
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Related Reading
- Accountability for Sin is Not Condemnation, It’s a Pathway to Freedom
- Coloring in Your Colorful Past
- From OnlyFans Recruiter to Evangelist: A Radical Conversion Story
Frequently Asked Questions
How should the church respond to someone with a dark past?
With empathy, not an agenda. The most powerful thing you can do is listen without trying to fix, quote scripture at, or fast-track someone’s healing. Say, “I’m sorry that happened. I’m glad you’re here.” Treat them as a person, not a project. The people who made the biggest difference in Victoria’s life were the ones who simply treated her like a human being and let God do the rest.
Why do new believers sometimes feel more alone in church?
Because the stories being shared in church often don’t reflect their experience. When the hardest testimony someone hears is about career disappointment, a person who has survived addiction, abuse, or exploitation feels like their story is too heavy for the room. That perception creates isolation. The solution isn’t sanitizing the hard stories. It’s creating an environment where every story is welcome and nobody is treated like a category.
Is it okay to still be struggling after giving your life to Jesus?
Salvation doesn’t mean instant perfection. Victoria used drugs three times in the weeks after her conversion. She was still learning, still stumbling, still figuring things out. And Jesus never condemned her for it. Growth is a direction, not a destination. What matters is that you keep showing up, keep being honest, and keep letting God work in you at the pace He sets, not the pace the church expects.
