The world defines intimacy as a sexual encounter, to be 'intimate' with someone. But really, casual sex encounters have no intimacy in them, and I would argue that any sexual encounters outside of a marriage hold very little intimacy, if any.
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Doubting your physical prowess or your ability to please your wife? Wondering why your body does what it does? It’s our responsibility to steward our bodies. Even if you don’t want to talk about this...you need to.
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If you’re reading this and you currently struggle with porn, masturbation, or any other sexual sin, God has a plan for you. Jesus died so that you wouldn’t have to be a slave to addiction. He took that with him to the cross so you could be free.
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When I look at the body of Christ at large, we are eerily silent on so many things that are wreaking havoc in people’s lives—things like greed, same-sex attraction, hypocrisy, gossip, self-identification, slander, moral relativism, gender confusion, abortion, pornography, and more. Is this what truly loving people equates to—silence?
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Trauma is something that most of us have experienced in one way or another, whether it was through abuse, abandonment, or a circumstance that we had no control over. As children, when we do not have access to resources that help us navigate through the pain of these experiences, we will often develop coping mechanisms that can be unhealthy in the long term.
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We must first start with the core value that sex is about connection, intimacy, and love. Sex is designed to be a safe place where both people are present and vulnerably giving themselves to each other. If sex is a beautiful part of connection with your spouse and not just about orgasming, even when your body, hormonally, may not want sex, your heart and emotions can still desire it.
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What once had been a marriage of mutual passion had dwindled to a cohabiting couple, sharing daily chores, bills, church services, but sadly void of any warmth behind closed doors. This, sadly, is not an isolated case. It's shocking how many woman (or men) have decided sex is only for the newly married, is unimportant, or simply have no desire to be intimate with you their spouse. What's also harrowing to intimacy is how easy it is to put sex on the back burner when the kids start arriving!
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We live in the days of mass advertising, entertainment, and the internet. Sexual images and information saturate every form of media. While it’s good to shield kids where we can, we can’t nurture some “Little House on the Prairie”-type fantasy that they won’t be exposed to them.
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We’ve been handed a problem and we’ve been unknowingly contributing to it. For far too long the church has been precluded from the cultural narratives of sexuality. Our near-fatal mistake has been that our only message on the topic is, “No! Don’t be led by evil desires.” As pornography, casual sex, and the introduction of media began to shape culture, we were shaped by fear and lack of understanding. Now we are facing the consequences of our fear-based response.
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Sex and marriage have become two words that almost don’t seem to go together. It seems the narrative has become, “Husbands never get as much as they want, and wives periodically grit their teeth through it.” We have experienced this first hand in our own marriage. It has taken us years to learn how to fully enjoy sex, and in all honesty, years to understand that sex in marriage isn’t a luxury but rather a necessity.
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