Accountability is not having someone to control you, that is not freedom. Accountability is having someone that you trust, who you can be real and raw with, someone that will love you through your messes and struggles and who will empower you to make great decisions.
Understanding God as our Father and truly leaning into a relationship with Him through that paradigm has many challenges in our generation. It is clear that God wants to engage with us in this way because in the book of John alone God is referred to as Father over one hundred times. I, myself, have been on a journey to truly see God this way and understand what it means for Him to love me as His son. My personal challenges have been the walls I created as a child to protect myself from the pain of disappointing people.
Refusing to risk is normally backed by a form of fear: afraid of being rejected and ending up alone, afraid of being seen then declared to be not worth it, afraid of the pain of the breakup, afraid of what others may think, afraid of wasting time, afraid of missing out on someone else. Protecting yourself from this pain by not engaging in relationships doesn’t actually protect you from pain. If anything, it keeps you trapped in it by convincing you that fear is safer than love.
The greatest kryptonite of relational depth is insecurity. In romantic relationships, insecurities can cause a couple to spend hours, days, and even years circling back to issues that seem to never go away. In friendships, insecurities assume the worst rather than believe the best. In marriages, insecurities can cause one partner to shut down, another to be jealous and a marriage to fall apart. In our relationship with God, insecurity minimizes us to a form of godliness. It is imperative that a healthy individual get to know themselves, become sold out to the belief that God made you that way on purpose, and then love what God created. So here are some practical steps to becoming more secure in who you are…
“You are not a victim to what you see. You are powerful and capable of teaching your sex drive how to see. In today’s culture, it could be easy to be desensitized by perverse images and people being turned into objects of pleasure rather than people of value to be honored. You have the power to teach yourself how to see people as children of God. Here’s a few steps for a good start…”
Lust bolts, love stays. Lust forgets. Lust blanks out. Lust has no forethought. Lust lyricizes the glamour of one-night stands, love writes lyrics that says it'll catch a grenade for you. Lust utters empty nothings, love follows through on its promises. Lust defends without humility, love always says sorry. Love makes space to wonder, lust asks what time is it? Lust has double standards – ones that only work for the self. Love listens to the highest standard and fights for it. Lust sends a text to finish a romantic dalliance, love talks face-to-face.
I know what you’re thinking: these last eight months were pointless. The emotions, the time, the dates, the gifts – useless, wasted, the stuff you throw away like scraps of paper. Except the scraps are your heart, and the wasted time was your life. He’s gone, you’re here, and though you know how to move on and you’re walking forward with the Lord, it’s hard to see the purpose in an ended relationship.
Years of counseling experience have taught me that marriage plans can either be good or bad, depending on the couple’s reasons for getting married. My initial conversations with engaged couples are full of questions designed to help me understand why they have decided to say “I do.” Here are some examples of good reasons and not-so-good reasons for getting married…
Whether it was pushing boundaries with your significant other, or making the decision to look at that website you know you shouldn’t be on, you messed up. So what’s next? How do you not partner with shame? How do you move forward in a healthy way? We totally understand, check out our 3 step guide to cleaning up your mess.
People love giving unsolicited marriage advice. Especially when they interact with newlyweds. But the problem is, so much of it is really terrible. Horrible. Bad advice. So bad, that if my husband and I would have actually applied it to our lives, I’m certain we wouldn’t be standing here today. Here are 5 bits of really bad marriage advice…
