Healthy relationships don’t happen by accident. They happen by decision. Whether you’re single, dating, or married, the habits you practice and the ones you leave behind will shape the quality of every relationship in your life. Here’s what’s worth pursuing and what’s worth dropping.
What Habits Build Healthy Relationships?
On the Let’s Talk About It podcast, Daniel and Elles Maddry walked through their list of what’s “in” and “out” for healthy relationships. The “in” list isn’t about trends. It’s about principles that will take you further in every relationship you have, whether romantic, familial, or friendship. And the best part: you don’t have to be in a relationship to start practicing any of them.
What’s ‘In’ for Healthy Relationships
Healthy Connection
The goal of any relationship is connection. Listeners to ask a simple question: do I feel connected to this person right now? That applies to romantic relationships, friendships, and even your relationship with yourself. If you feel disconnected or dissociated, that’s a signal to address, not ignore. Attack unhealthy attachments and pursue genuine connection.
Healing in Motion
Healing isn’t just about sitting still and waiting for God to fix things. There’s a level of healing that happens in motion, when you take steps forward, address emotions as they come up, and put yourself in situations that require growth. Ask yourself: is God asking me to be still for this healing, or is the healing I’m waiting for on the other side of the next step? The answer is different for everyone, but the question matters.
Saying Yes to First Dates
Here’s the blunt truth: some of you have been single too long. Not because God hasn’t provided, but because you won’t say yes. If the core values are there and the person asked you out, go for it. The point of a first date isn’t to determine compatibility for marriage. It’s to start evaluating whether you’re compatible at all. You don’t need everything figured out before you say yes.
Identifying Your Emotions and Voicing Your Needs
So much dysfunction in relationships comes from unidentified emotions and unmet needs. When you build the muscle of recognizing what you’re feeling and communicating what you need, you’ll have healthier relationships than the average person. If the people in your life just knew what you were feeling and what you needed, they could show up for you in much healthier ways.
Accountability, Hard Conversations, and Clear Boundaries
All three of these are connected. Accountability means inviting someone into your life who will hold you to your own standards. Hard conversations are the gateway to breakthrough in every relationship. And boundaries should be established before you’re in a compromising situation, not during one. Boundaries should be revisited regularly: “How are we doing? Is there anything we need to course correct on?”
Living With Conviction and Doing Things Afraid
Conviction means deciding who you are and how you’ll live regardless of whether it’s popular. Nearly every major milestone in your life will require you to progress through fear. You might not feel ready for anything. Take the step anyway. If you’re waiting until you feel ready to ask someone out, have a hard conversation, or commit to something, you’ll wait forever. Do it afraid.
What’s ‘Out’ for Healthy Relationships
Coping Instead of Healing
Coping is the silent killer. Most people don’t think they have a coping issue. They think they have a pornography issue or a self-control issue. But the root is often unidentified emotion and unmet needs. Coping avoids the pain. Healing moves through it. One keeps you stuck. The other gets you free.
Ghosting, Settling, and Overthinking
Ghosting communicates either “you’re not worth a conversation” or “I don’t have what it takes to have one.” Neither is acceptable. Settling means accepting less than what God has for you because you’re tired of waiting. And overthinking without action is just paralysis dressed up as wisdom.
The Fear of Man and Seeking External Validation
Caring more about what people think of you than what God thinks of you will keep you from living with conviction, having hard conversations, and stepping into the relationships God has for you. There are three phases of growth with validation: seeking it, wanting it but not seeking it, and no longer needing it at all. The goal is phase three. And the only way to get there is to root your identity in what God says about you.
Codependence and Hyper Independence
Both extremes are out. Codependence chains your emotional wellbeing to another person. Hyper independence cuts you off from the relationships God designed you for. The healthy middle is recognizing that you need people, but not more than you need God. You can go fast alone, but you can’t go far. And you were never meant to carry everything by yourself.
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Listen to the Full Episode
Related Reading
- Stop Waiting to Be ‘Healed Enough’ to Start Dating
- How to Have Hard Conversations in Relationships: 5 Scripts That Actually Work
- How to Develop a Relationship: The Intimacy Ladder
Frequently Asked Questions
What are healthy relationship habits for Christians?
The foundation includes healthy connection, pursuing healing, identifying your emotions, setting clear boundaries, having hard conversations, and living with conviction even when it’s unpopular. These habits apply whether you’re single, dating, or married. The key is intentionality. Healthy relationships don’t happen by default. They happen when you decide to practice these principles consistently and invite accountability into the process.
How do I stop settling in relationships?
Settling usually comes from a place of exhaustion or insecurity. You’re tired of waiting, or you don’t believe you deserve better. The antidote is knowing your worth in God’s eyes and refusing to accept less than His best. That doesn’t mean having an unrealistic checklist. It means knowing your non-negotiables (shared faith, mutual respect, emotional health) and not compromising on them just because you’re tired of being single.
Is ghosting someone really that bad?
Yes. Ghosting communicates either that the other person isn’t worth a conversation or that you lack the courage to have one. Neither reflects the character God is building in you. If the relationship isn’t working, have the hard conversation. A direct, kind breakup is always better than silence. The person on the other end deserves clarity, and you deserve the growth that comes from handling it with maturity.
