Loneliness doesn’t have to define your holiday season. Whether you’re single, far from family, or just feeling the weight of unmet desires, there are practical, intentional steps you can take to find joy, connection, and purpose right where you are. You’re not a victim to the season. You’re a powerful person who gets to decide what it looks like.
Why Do the Holidays Feel So Lonely When You’re Single?
On the Let’s Talk About It podcast, Daniel Maddry brought decades of personal experience to this topic. He didn’t get married until he was 33, and he described the particular sting that comes when you have genuine desires for marriage and family but the holidays roll around and your Instagram feed is full of other people’s highlight reels. The question that creeps in is: did God forget about me?
Daniel spent time in Stockholm, Sweden, where he spent months with minimal sunlight and almost no close friends. One day, everything should have been perfect. The sun was out, he went to the gym, cooked a healthy dinner. But intense loneliness hit him like a wave. He opened his phone and realized no one had texted him all day. Instead of reaching out, he opened his Bible to Romans 8:26: “The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness.” He prayed, skipped dinner, went to bed, and woke up the next morning feeling more alive than he had in months. He describes it as a supernatural healing from loneliness that changed the trajectory of his 30s.
That story matters because it shows both sides of the coin. There’s a supernatural element where God meets you in your pain. And there are practical steps that set you up to thrive. Daniel and Elles covered five of those practical steps.
1. Be Honest About Your Emotions
When you avoid your emotions, they don’t disappear. They drive you toward unhealthy coping mechanisms. Many people who struggle with pornography, masturbation, or other compulsive behaviors during the holidays are actually coping with unidentified loneliness or emotional pain. They don’t even realize it because they never learned to name what they’re feeling.
The emotion wheel is a practical tool for this. If all you know is “I feel bad,” the emotion wheel helps you get specific. Are you feeling abandoned? Overlooked? Disconnected? Hopeless? Identifying the specific emotion is the first step toward processing it. Once you’ve named it, write it down. Pray about it. And find one person you trust to say it out loud to. Psalm 34:18 says the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. He’s not afraid of your pain. Neither should you be.
2. Make a Holiday Bucket List
For some people, the default emotion at the holidays isn’t loneliness but overwhelm, and a bucket list is the solution. Write down everything you want to do during the holiday season so you can look back and know you were fully present. The principle applies whether you’re overwhelmed or lonely: don’t let the season happen to you. Decide what you want it to look like and start doing those things now.
It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Decorate your room for Christmas. Drive around and look at lights. Cook your favorite meal. Watch your favorite holiday movie. Go to your church’s Christmas event. The point isn’t to fill every minute. It’s to stop waiting for a relationship or a family to start enjoying the season. Your life has already started. What do you want it to look like?
3. Start Your Own Traditions
Daniel accidentally started a Christmas tradition in 2009 when he fell in love with a Christmas album and then listened to it again the following year on Christmas Day. He’s been doing it every year since. He doesn’t listen to it any other time of year. He also made a habit of brewing a good pour-over coffee on Christmas morning. Small things that became anchors for the season.
Traditions bring stability. When the holidays feel unpredictable or lonely, having something you know you’ll do every year creates a sense of grounding. Write a letter to your future self each Christmas. Host an annual cookie decorating night with friends. Start a Christmas Eve movie marathon. These aren’t placeholders until you get married. They’re the foundation of a life you’re building right now.
4. Be Intentional With Friends and Family
Here’s a challenge: if you feel insecure about reaching out, know this: the very thing you’re afraid to do is the thing that will bring you joy this season. Don’t wait for someone else to initiate. Invite friends over for a meal. Write personalized cards. Make time for one-on-one conversations with family members, especially older ones whose time you can’t get back.
You reap what you sow in friendships. When you sow intentionality, you reap connection. Put your phone down, choose presence over scrolling, and look for moments of genuine connection with the people already in your life. If you’re traveling home for the holidays, reach out to someone you’ve been meaning to connect with. The holidays are a unique window for that.
5. Finish the Year Strong
Most people coast through December and plan to “start fresh” on January 1. A powerful person doesn’t wait for the calendar to change. They start now. If you want to build a journaling habit, start putting in reps today so you have momentum when January hits. If you said you’d read the Bible this year and haven’t been consistent, start now with two or three chapters a day.
Look back at your goals from January. Is there anything on that list you can still accomplish before December 31? Even a small win builds the muscle of follow-through. Good habits have a compounding effect. The person who finishes strong is the person who starts the new year strong, not the one who waits until everything resets.
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Related Reading
- Overcoming Codependency: Finding Peace in Being Alone
- Living Fully in Your Singleness
- What to Do When You Catch Feelings for Your Best Friend
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I deal with loneliness during the holidays as a single Christian?
Start by being honest about what you’re feeling. Name the emotion specifically, write it down, and share it with someone you trust. Then take intentional action: make a holiday bucket list, start your own traditions, be proactive about connecting with friends and family, and finish the year strong instead of coasting. Psalm 34:18 says the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. He sees you, and He hasn’t forgotten about you. But He also gives you the tools to steward this season well.
Is it normal to feel lonely at Christmas even when you have friends and family?
Yes. Loneliness isn’t always about being physically alone. It can come from unmet desires, unprocessed emotions, or the gap between where you are and where you want to be. The holidays amplify those feelings because everyone else’s lives seem to be on display. The key is to not suppress what you’re feeling or cope with unhealthy habits. Be honest, lean into community, and create moments of intentional joy. Your feelings are valid, but they don’t have to run the season.
What are practical ways to enjoy the holidays when you’re single?
Make a holiday bucket list and start checking things off. Start traditions that are yours: a Christmas morning coffee ritual, a specific album, a movie marathon, decorating your space. Be intentional with the relationships you do have by inviting friends for meals, writing cards, or reaching out to someone you’ve been meaning to connect with. And finish the year strong. Set a small goal you can accomplish before December 31. You’re not waiting for your life to begin. It’s already happening.
