In part one of this series we talked about our “sex needs,” followed by how to find our real needs in part two. This brings us to our last question:
“So, if I don’t need sex, why does sex and/or sexual activity seem to fill the void?”
Because a sexual experience can fill some of these needs.
The experience of arousal, orgasm or sex can feel like they meet these needs. They soothe, feel comforting, make us feel powerful, helping us feel connected. Sex is a very intimate experience. It is part of our design, so it may even feel like it’s part of our “purpose.” We were designed to crave it. In marriage, it builds an incredible bond between spouses. It helps fuel your desire for each other. I would say that in the context of having a strong, healthy marriage, sex is very important, but still not a true “do-or-die” need. Plus, once you start having sex, your desires are fully awakened and they are demanding! This is why the Apostle Paul tells spouses to be willing to meet each other’s sexual needs; if your partner is feeling unfilled, it makes them vulnerable to looking for sexual fulfillment elsewhere! (See 1 Cor 7:3-5)
But we can find many non-sexual ways to feel powerful, close, known, comforted and connected, whether we are single or married!
Unfortunately, there is no “one-size-fits-all” answer to getting your needs met. You see, your needs may be different than mine. You need to become an expert on yourself and make sure you get what you need!
Need physical touch? Get your hug on with some friends! Play with your beloved Fido, or cuddle your niece or nephew! Need a serotonin boost to feel happy? Watch funny movies, go for coffee with a good friend! Feeling angry and worn down? Get some good sleep…you’ll probably feel better in the morning.
There are many ways you can get your real needs met while you’re still single. Take the time to learn yourself. Get a community around you that can help. And be of good cheer: you were born to thrive in every season of your life.
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I found this series to be practical and encouraging. While some of the suggestions are (understandably) vague due to personal needs differing by person, just hearing the issues being talked about so candidly is refreshing in and of itself. The concept that the ‘sex need’ is really a combination of spiritual, physical, and soul needs is enlightening.