For Her Eyes Only
THE PROBLEM
Our society seems to dictate that men pursue women and not the other way around. This can create a pretty powerless culture for the girls.
Furthermore, if the girl wants to be a virtuous woman, then she must refuse to use sensuality to seduce a man. This theoretically reduces her chances of “catching her guy.”
Yet, the truth is if a girl fishes with shark bait, then she will most likely catch a shark. I mean, if a girl is trolling the “man waters” with the 3 B’s (boobs, butt, and belly button), then she will likely catch a girl-watcher, not a virtuous dude.
It’s hard to keep a guy who was only attracted to your body because there’s always someone with bigger boobs and a better body.
THE SOLUTION
So what’s a girl to do?
1. Realize that most men don’t understand women, and you always fear what you don’t understand!
2. Pay attention to the way he treats his mama because however he treats her, he will treat you in the end.
3. Be beautiful, but not sexy. Contrary to popular opinion, dressing sexy says, “I’ve got nothing else going on.”
4. Take an interest in the things he is interested in. It will dispel a bunch of the fear in him if you can relate to something he loves.
5. Believe in him: his personhood, his destiny, and his ability.
This was the reason I grew in love with Kathy…she believed in me when no one else did. (If you don’t believe in him, you are wooing the wrong dude).
6. Don’t play “hard to get,” play your “I am worth sacrificing for” card!
7. Most girls like the “chase” because they were born to be pursued. But if you’re not interested in the dude, don’t lead him on. Other guys are watching, and a trail of male tears builds a rough road to your front door.
8. Hang out in a group before you date. Guys gain courage as they gain understanding.
9. If you do your “sister act” with him, he won’t think of you as a lover. Many guys have close friends who are great girls, but asking them out feels like they are dating their sister.
10. Be subtle, but let him know you are interested in getting to know him. A note works great.
But what if he doesn’t choose to pursue me? Then you will know pretty quickly, and you won’t waste your time with a dude who’s not interested!
11. If you like someone, ask a friend who knows him to introduce you. This helps break the ice.
12. Don’t date a guy with a bad reputation. Reputations are built on repetition (repeated behavior). It may sound exciting to date a bad boy, but marrying one will ruin your life.
13. Find some old, wise people to be accountable to in your romantic relationships. Love is blind, so listen to their input.
When my mom met Kathy for the first time, she told me, “Now that’s the marrying kind.” Kathy was 12 years old at the time. Five years later, I married that girl. That was 40 years ago!
Originally published on krisvallotton.com.
