QUICK FIX
Single. Hurting. And independent. A great combination for masturbation.
Or any sexual activity for that matter. Fortunately, my oath to singleness kept me from further sexual activity, but it’s all the same. A band aid applied to the surface of what’s truly killing us under the skin. For me, masturbation consoled the pain I shoved deeper and deeper into my soul, as the smile I wore conveyed the confidence, security, and strength I wanted. No one would ever have to know of the mess at home, the financial fears, the relational lack, the personal abuse of perfectionism. I didn’t need anyone. I took care of everyone. I was fine. I was self-sufficient, I was strong, I was being spiritual. I only needed God. Didn’t I?
Sexual activity, masturbation, and pornography function as harmful roads to intimacy, comfort and connection. Imagine coming home from a long day. You didn’t have time to eat lunch that day, and because you slept through your alarm, you hadn’t eaten breakfast either. It’s now 6:00 PM and you feel physically hollow (I feel like that after 3 hours, ha). You’re so hungry that you don’t even want to move. A decision now stands before you. Do I get up and take the time to cook myself a good meal- full of color, nutrients, and health, or do I just run to McDonalds? Most of us just grabbed fast food, but understand that we also just sacrificed quality and our future health, for a quick fix.
We offer the same sacrifice every time we choose masturbation for comfort. Sex for intimacy. Every choice carries an outcome. Like eating that junk food, we may not have preferred it, we may feel sick after eating it, we may not like the effects it’s having on our physical bodies, but at least we didn’t feel hungry anymore. In the same way, rather than sharing our pain, our hurt, or our fears with those around us, we bottle it, and “help” ourselves- robbing us of the true comfort, intimacy and connection we’re longing for.
Your decision today depicts your future tomorrow. So what will it be? Fast food or a good meal? It’s up to you.
– Anna Weygandt (Intern)
Your story describes me almost perfectly. I dealt with loneliness and masturbation for a long time, and it led to things like pornography and sex. However, God did a work in my life, and now I’m finishing off my first year of ministry school. The first semester was great! I grew amazing close to God, and I grew in many ways. The second semester was different though. I found myself busier, and my needs for intimacy have not been met as much. I’m in a relationship, and it’s going well, but only can give me true comfort. I never truly ran back to Jesus, and that’s when the sexual urges came back stronger. Being in ministry can make you chase for perfection, and when you fall short, it makes you feel like a failure. Life on the inside is not great, but you don’t feel as if you can show it to the people around you. I really do appreciate your article because I have received some freedom from it. I’m learning that ministry means that I need from God a lot more, instead of trying to grow independent.