When most of us hear or use the words “just love them like Jesus” what we mean is the unconditional love and acceptance of the person irrespective of their behavior.
It is a beautiful and powerful moment when we push past judgment and the desire to punish to actually embrace the person in the midst of their sin and mess. We see it with the woman caught in adultery (John 8), the invitation to the cheater tax collector Zacchaeus (Luke 19), to Peter after he abandoned Jesus and denied Him in His darkest hour (Matthew 26), and the overall principle that “while we were still sinners, Christ came and died for us.” (Romans 5:8).
Because we know God is love (1 John) and Jesus is God. We know everything Jesus did was in love.
But we also have to remember that Jesus wasn’t afraid of honesty and calling people out on their mess. We see this when he flips tables in the temple (Matthew 21), the moment when he confronts the woman at the well (John 4), and when he told a rich guy to sell all he had and then walked away when he didn’t (Mark 10).
We have used the phrase “love like Jesus” to mean “be nice and accepting of everything”. While many times that is true, that’s not always what Jesus did. He loved people with His definition of love- not ours. I’m not saying he was mean, but he was always looking at the deep levels of love and redemption, not just surface-level-niceness.
He was going after the heart issue that was hurt or holding them back. Then he saved, healed, and delivered them!
In our journey to be like Jesus and love like Him, it often stretches us and costs us something. Sometimes we have to give up our need to be right, and accept the broken person in front of us. Other times we need to give up our comfortability, desire to be liked, and fear of upsetting someone to tell them the truth (still consumed with love). We say we don’t want to hurt them or their feelings or push them away from Jesus- but we compromise the truth and actually enable the behavior that’s ultimately going to hurt them more.
We’re not really trying to save them from pain- we’re trying to save ourselves from being uncomfortable or unliked.
One of the scariest stories in the Bible for me is Hosea. He is told to marry a prostitute who has been very promiscuous, she continues to cheat on him, but God tells Hosea to go find her and buy his wife back again. Go invest yourself, your money, and your reputation to get the one who’s running away and tearing out your heart. Why? Because that’s the way God loves. That kind of love scares and challenges me. It teaches me no matter what we do, He will give it all to come get us in our mess. He leaves the 99 to come get the one.
On the other side of this constant pursuit of us in our brokenness, we do have choice and consequence. The parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11–32) tells us about the son who wishes his father was dead so he could have his inheritance early because he valued money more than his father. The father gives him what he asked for and he goes off to blow it all in a foreign land and end up living in the gutter with pigs. The father was not chasing the son through the city, he was not begging him to repent and stop. Heartbroken as he was, he let the son run his course. When the son turned and came back, the father raised his cloak and ran (embracing shame and preventing punishment) to embrace and restore his son. He kept the relationship open so that when the son turned, the father was right there.
So how do we challenge ourselves to love like this?
1. We need to redefine “love”.
Our cultural understanding of warm, nice, acceptance, and being okay with everything isn’t genuine love. I think we’ve got to look at how Jesus acted and redefine love. I’m not saying we’re mean or abusive or “all truth and no grace” (like the church has often been known for), but I think “love” has to have the power to accept the person and transform them into their original intent (AKA redemption).
2. I’ve began thinking of the concept of “championing” someone.
A coach or a mentor will lovingly accept the person and challenge them to their full potential. They will show them how to grow and be the fullest they can be, while also pointing out habits or behaviors or ideologies that are or will hold them back. They’re not being mean or a perfectionist, they’re championing them – helping them become the greatest version of themselves. It is for their good you are championing them, not your control or safeness or reputation. We look to the heart to see what will deeply shift and free them to be fully alive and like Jesus.
3. We may need to repent or revisit past interactions.
For those we are still in relationship with (not strangers), we can go back and revisit our interactions. If we overreacted, “Hey, the other day when you told me or did _______, I reacted a little harsh and shouldn’t have. I was scared for you and let the fear dictate my response…” or if we took the easy way out “hey, remember the other day when you said or did _______, I have some more thoughts on that. While I still completely love you, I realize I wasn’t completely honest because I was afraid of rejection or trying to be comfortable and I made it about me more than you. I have some concerns about what you’re doing because…”
We’re all on a journey to learn how to love and live like Jesus. Each action and interaction needs to be in connection with Him because He knows what the person needs to be free, to be championed. We can’t make a blanket statement of this is way it looks like. We can set our heart posture to be full of love and accept the person before us, our minds set on how to champion them, and our spirits open to hear from Jesus what they need in the moment.
Men, have you heard? We’ve created a 4 week challenge designed just for you called Ethos! Join Abram Goff, Cole Zick, Jason Vallotton, and Justin Stumvoll this August as they dive into topics like masculinity, sexuality, and holiness.
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