“Maybe he’s had a really busy week at work. Maybe he’s just not ready for a relationship. Maybe he got into some sort of dog-walking accident and now he’s lost all use of his thumbs so he can’t text…”
Sometimes, it’s easier to think of the possibility of a guy being laid up in a hospital with two broken thumbs than to think he might just not be that interested in us. I’ve seen girls, and I’ve been the girl who says, “Maybe if I just gave him one more chance…”
Nope. You’ve given him forty-five chances. Time to move on.
I know, I know. It’s the worst when someone doesn’t like you. I mean does he KNOW what he’s MISSING? But you know what? I’m here to tell you something. If someone doesn’t like you, it’s actually okay. That just means he’s not the right guy, because the right guy will like you.
I teach a math class, and my students are very competitive. They hate losing. It is just THE WORST when they lose. One day, we played a game and the winning team was very excited, and the losing team was devastated. They felt defeated and angry about the celebration of the winning team. They were ready to get rid of competitions all together, so I decided to give them a speech: “If you win, great, but if you lose, it’s not a big deal. Losing is not who you are. It’s just one game.”
It’s the same thing with dating. If someone doesn’t like you, it’s okay. It’s not who you are, it’s just one guy. It doesn’t mean that no one will ever like you, or that you’re unlovable, or not enough. Those are all lies from the enemy. Even if you’ve lost a few games or a few guys, that doesn’t mean you’re unlovable either. It just means you haven’t found the right one yet.
The truth is, you are a good thing, and whoever finds you and makes you his wife finds a good thing. That is straight out of the Bible (Proverbs 18:22). (Guys, it says wife, but you are also a good thing :). Any voice that says you are not enough is the voice of the enemy. He will try to tell you that you’re not enough for anyone and that God’s not enough to bring you someone, and they’re both lies.
I fully believe that if you want to get married, there is someone out there for you. It’s hard for me to imagine God is up in heaven right now saying, “Shoot. There are not enough spouses for everyone. I’m not sure what to do about this.” The desire in your heart to be married is a godly desire, and it’s not there to torture you, even though I will admit that sometimes it feels that way.
Also, if you don’t want to get married, great! There’s no law that says you have to. I also fully believe you can live an incredible, satisfied life serving the Lord without getting married. Some people are just wired for this, and it’s unfair to ask everyone to mold to what the church “norm” might be. The only thing I would ask is that you don’t make that decision out of a fear or feeling of lack, because in His kingdom, we lack nothing.
A couple of years ago, I was having a hard time getting over a guy I really liked but who wasn’t interested in me. I remember feeling like the Lord said, “This would be a lot easier if you had hope.” I realized my biggest problem was not that I couldn’t get over this guy, but it was that I didn’t have any hope. I didn’t have hope that God would come through for me. It made me want to hold onto someone who wasn’t even that great of an option. If I’d had hope, I would have been able to let him go more easily, trusting that other options would come along.
No matter what your situation is right now, no matter how many failed relationships you’ve had or how old you are or how long you’ve been single, I want to let you know, you are allowed to have hope in this area. You are allowed to believe that God will bring good options into your life, even when it feels like there are none. You are allowed to hope for a husband and a good marriage. It’s not easy, and it takes a level of risk because when you hope, you can be disappointed, but true faith requires risk.
So if there’s a guy who’s just not that into you, put the phone down, stop texting him, maybe even delete his number. Do what you need to do. A guy doesn’t need eighty-seven chances to be with you. You are a good thing, and the right guy will see it when the timing’s right.
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I am saving this post so that everytime I am about to text that guy, I come back to read this.
This is so precious. My worth is not in any human’s like or dislike of me. It is completely in God’s love for me and His own approval.
This is a great message. Thank you, Andrea
Thank you so much for this, Andrea. I’m in this situation right now and you are right, hope is what I need.
This a hard pill to swallow but really impactful. I’m a bit sad but I have hope in God
Wowzer, what an on time message of hope for the "hope defrerred" heart. I resonated with every line of this message but this hit me the most, "I realized my biggest problem was not that I couldn’t get over this guy, but it was that I didn’t have any hope. I didn’t have hope that God would come through for me. It made me want to hold onto someone who wasn’t even that great of an option. If I’d had hope, I would have been able to let him go more easily, trusting that other options would come along." thank you for such an inspring message and words of insight…