Girl, being wanted does not equal being worthy.
Freshman year of high school, my friends and I had this silver spiral notebook. As you turned the pages, you’d see our names at the top. We each had our own page. Below our names were the boys. Plain and simple, it was the list of boys we had each been with– kissed, touched, been in bed with, lost it to….
That silver spiral notebook that supposedly gauged how worthy, cool, and popular I was would later haunt me and force me to face the moments that actually shattered my worth. By the book’s standards I was top of the pack, the best, and the most wanted. Back then, I equated me being wanted with me being worthy.
Where does your identity come from? Where do you find your value? As a teenage girl I can remember so vividly feeling “on top of the world” like “I had it all.” I felt so cool, so popular. Sadly, that was it for me. Popularity was everything. I was blind to the reality that the longer the list, the more work I’d have to do to climb out of the mess I was making.
You know that age-old example of “mama warned you not to touch the hot stove” but we always have to touch it and experience the pain ourselves to see? Please, oh please, let me be your big sister for a moment and say the heat in the bed is worse than the heat of the stove. Please stay away. The Bible says it so well, “Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right” (Song of Solomon 8:4 NLT).
Timing is everything, and it’s worth the wait. Wait to be wanted by the one you are forever committed to. Because of my past experiences, even when my incredibly pure and patient husband was “wanting me,” it felt skewed and dirty—because that’s all I’d known it as. There were always ulterior motives. One night stands or continual late night “booty calls” were what I was reduced to. Subconsciously, it was hard to view the “wanting” through eyes of love rather than lust. I had known lust for too long to believe the love was real.
So where are you at?
1. Trying to be wanted
STOP, DROP AND WAIT. Stop trying too hard. I heard a mother of a teenager once give her daughter this wise advice, “you don’t need guys to like you, you need one guy to like you, one day.” So true!
2. Wanted & on top of the world
Are you really though? Your full inbox, everyone sliding in your DMs, and your calendar full of dates might feel good in the moment. But let me tell you from experience, you are worthy without being wanted by many. Keep holding out to find the one, rather than entertaining many. The “no strings attached” lie will come back to bite you in the butt.
3. Ready to give up
I see this so often, especially in girls who say things like, “Go to prom? Yea right, a guy will never ask me!” Then they start to question their worth compared to the girl who has a line of guys waiting to ask. You are worth it. Don’t give up. You need one guy one day. That may not be today, but wait for the one.