Many single women ask these questions: What’s wrong with me? Why won’t anyone pursue me?
Once upon a time, I asked the same questions. Though I’m now happily married, I endured (what felt like) a lengthy single season; I was twenty-three before I dated someone for the first time. Why didn’t I date? Partially, because I had set myself apart for the Lord; I didn’t want to settle or waste my time on relationships that weren’t going anywhere.
But more-so, it was because no one ever asked me.
What was wrong with me? Nothing, really. But no one made a move.
One word: passivity.
The men of my generation seem to be marked by passivity. They may be holy, God-loving and sexually pure, but they are often men that just don’t do anything. (This goes for women too!) There’s something wrong with this picture: it is not how humans were created!
In Genesis, we read the story of how God created Adam and Eve- How they got together, got busy and multiplied the human race (see Genesis 2). Did God have to talk them into it? Did God have to counsel Adam, “Hey, son, there’s a pretty lady over there…yeah, go ahead, look at her. No, don’t “bounce” your eyes. Take a good look! What do you think? Maybe you should ask her out on a date?”
Of course not! Adam took one look at Eve and exclaimed, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh…” I would translate this as: “Girl, you’re fine and you’re gonna be all mine!” And so the pursuit began!
So, here’s the question: If it’s true that God gave us our sex drive so that we would desire a mate, why are good men not being “driven” to find a mate? And why are good women not willing to give good men a chance?
Because we have replaced the fear of God with the fear of sin.
Specifically the sin of lust.
And this fear leads to passivity– We believe that if we just stay still, we won’t get into trouble.
Good plan. But not true.
To be continued…here!
– Cara Santos