QUESTION

I want to know, is it normal to fantasize sexually about my future wife? If not, what steps do I need to take to stop?

TEAM’S ANSWER

It is perfectly “normal” to have sexual thoughts come on your radar about your future wife. In fact, we’d sort of be worried if they didn’t! It’s all a part of having a normal, healthy sex drive. It’s normal for thoughts to enter our heads about any and all kinds of things; however, it’s what we DO with those thoughts that make all the difference in the world.

We will say this: fantasizing is not a good or healthy idea when you’re single, dating, or engaged because it doesn’t keep you in the reality of where you are at in your relationship status. There is reason it’s called a fantasy. If you aren’t connected with the reality of where you are and what you have decided your personal boundaries to be, then it becomes a “tease” to your heart and mind. Why entertain thoughts you aren’t allowed to act on until you are married? It only makes it more difficult to maintain purity if you are constantly imagining things in your mind.

Another thing to think about is – whether you are single, dating, or engaged – you are practicing staying pure for when you are married. Believe it or not, we need to fight for our purity even more when we’re married because we have now entered into covenant with another person and with God, to love and honor that person. The truth of the matter is there will always be other men and women to “look at,” but what you practice when you’re single; you’ll practice when you’re married. If you haven’t learned to manage your sexual thought life and/or appetite when you’re single, it won’t be any easier when you’re married. Trust us.

Managing your thought life really comes down to you and your choices. What are you choosing to think about? What do you do when a sexual thought comes up?

The main thing when it comes to managing your thought life, whether you’re single, dating or engaged is this: you want to honor the woman in your life, or your thoughts. Always. Honor, love, and respect within a relationship are huge.

Are you honoring this woman’s purity and your commitment to stay pure in the natural if you aren’t doing it in your thought life as well? Fantasizing usually involves desiring, connecting, taking pleasure in, and sharing intimacy with the other person involved. We aren’t meant to do that outside of covenant with anyone but our husbands or wives. You might just want to ask yourself the question: Am I honoring her purity with this thought?

Thank you for asking this tough question and for being honest and real. We also appreciate that you desire to love, honor, and respect your future wife. We bless you in your future marriage!