“What would your life look like without any fear?” These words woke my heart up a few years ago. At that time, I had my future all planned out: I was going to finish college, get a good job, eventually marry the guy I was with, and settle into a normal little life. I mean, what else was there to do? But that day, I felt God prompting me to surrender EVERY part of my heart to Him. “I have so much more in store for you than the safe, comfortable life you’ve planned for yourself. I’m a God of the IMPOSSIBLE, so it’s time for you to start living like you believe it. I have plans for you beyond your wildest dreams, but you’re going to have to trust me with your WHOLE heart in order for me to take you there.”
That started my journey of confronting everything I had held onto more tightly than God, including my need for romantic relationships. Since my freshman year of high school, I was always either in a relationship or “talking” to a guy, because I felt unsettled without that. I had never taken the time to be happy with just myself and God. I didn’t want to live a life confined by my own plans and fears anymore. So I decided to trust God completely with every part of my heart, including my love life and I entered into a season of singleness.
Has it been hard, stretching, and overwhelming at times? Yes. But I’d go through all of that again in a heartbeat if I had to, to gain what I have now.
So if you’re single and just over it, I want to encourage you with a few things I’ve learned. Here are six reasons why being single for a season can be so important:
1. You learn who you are.
There’s really nothing like having time in your life where it’s just you and God with no other person involved. With a boyfriend, I was always thinking, “How can we better love God together? How can we keep Him the center of our relationship?” But I had never taken time to do that on my own as an individual, and that is CRUCIAL. There were some nights I laid awake crying in frustration, feeling lonely and a deep ache in my heart, with no one else but God to talk to about it. It was in those painful, lonely moments that the peace of God filled my room and heart like never before. Through the extremely hard times, I experienced perfect love from the very Creator and epitome of it. It’s His love that gives us our identity.
2. You have space to discover your life’s purpose.
The possibilities of what your life can become are literally limitless. When you’re single, God has the space to do anything He wants in your life without it affecting another person. Being single has given me the freedom to discover what I was created for. I discovered my passions for writing, speaking, worship-leading, and a fire ignited within me to use all those things to help make the world a better place. Examine your own life, and invest in the passions that make you feel most alive.
3. You build confidence.
It forced me to get out of my comfort zone in SO many ways. Not having another person to constantly rely on made me learn to be my own person. It helped me become confident in my own voice, my personality, and the qualities I bring to the table. Use this time to become someone you’re proud to be.
4. These days are just as valuable as any other season.
One day you’ll be married to the person of your dreams, and your days will be full of chasing after kids, running a household, date nights, and all the other fun stuff that comes with marriage. But as for right now, how freeing is it to be able to do as you please? Want to take a spontaneous road trip with friends? Go for it! Travel to a part of the world you’ve never seen? Do it (it’s way cheaper now than it will be paying for your kids someday). Want to move to a new city? Nothing’s really stopping you. Don’t waste this precious season wishing for the next one.
5. Your value isn’t determined by your relationship status.
Whether you’re married, in a relationship, or single, none of those titles have anything to do with your worth. You’re not defined by your season, but rather by your permanent identity as a son or daughter of God.
6. Being single lays the foundation for your future marriage.
I’ve heard it said that marriage isn’t two halves making a whole, it’s two wholes coming together for a greater purpose. If marriage, (the union of two people) is the house, then both people making sure they’re individually healthy is the foundation. I would not know how to lay my life down for another person if I didn’t first lay my life down to God. I wouldn’t know how to properly love my future spouse without first experiencing the true, perfect love of God. I wouldn’t have good self-control had I not surrendered my whole life and learned my value in God’s eyes. I wouldn’t know who to look for without understanding who I am, what I’m called to, and what God has called me to do with my future spouse someday.
So don’t be afraid of going through the hard stuff to get to the really good stuff. The singleness, all the confusing dates, the uncertainty of when or if your special someone will ever come along…it will all be worth it. God sees you, He knows what your heart longs for, and He also loves you too much to rob you of the growth and refinement process you deserve. The choices you make now lay the foundation for your future love. So don’t just endure being single, ENJOY it! It’s one of the most special times of your life!
This incredibly wise!! Recently becoming single has brought on a lot of loneliness but God surely led me to this article to show me his purpose and plan for this season. Thank you for your words and obedience!
I’ve been single my whole life and honestly, it feels like the most difficult thing ever sometimes. All of my close friends are either married or in serious relationships and I often feel frustrated that in being ‘left out’. However, after reading this article and especially this part: ” He loves you too much to rob you of the growth and refinement process you deserve”, had totally shifted my perspective on my singleness. Thank you so much for this article and making me understand God’s amazing love for me and the incredible growth I am going through in this season.
thank you so much, this was really encouraging. I’ve been in the single season well over 10 years and it has its hard times and I live by myself, but have to keep refreshing with truth.
Thank you so much, this post touched my heart so deep! I’m single now and it’s a tough season for me right now. But I know Dad has good things for me. So thank you for helping me in this time. 💕
The article “I’m single and tired of it” is very misleading. I’ve been single for three and a half years now and God still hasn’t provided for me. And I’ve done my part of finding my identity in Him, and seeking Him about my calling. I think that Christians tend to slap this ridiculous idea on singles that they need to get to a certain place in their life in order to receive a husband or wife. I’ve done the checklist and I’mstill here.”I’m tired of it” is an understatement for me and others tooI have personally found no joy in this season and telling
People to enjoy it is telling someone going through a really, really difficult – faith challenging season to just “enjoy it.”
Hey Claire,We understand that sometimes the church can send the message to singles that they have to “arrive” at a certain place before getting married. We don’t actually believe that’s true, but we do believe there are things you can learn in your single season to enrich the season itself and also sow into your future marriage if marriage is a desire of your heart. We have singles on our team who have waited a long time as well, even though they are leading healthy, God-centered lives, so we know it’s a difficult process at times. We also believe there is no season of your life where you have to “survive” and not thrive. You always have access to joy, regardless of your circumstances. Philippians 4:11-13 talks about this more. Here’s another blog that might bring some encouragement: https://moralrevolution.com/why-youre-still-single/ Hope this helps!
I really needed this I am 33 and still not married and never dated except in high school it does get lonely sometimes