I’ve had love and relationships on my mind the last few weeks, specifically how to build successful relationships. Let’s take a look at this from the beginning; finding a partner.
4 THINGS WOMEN LOOK FOR IN A MAN
A true princess is not going to be attracted to a snob or a slob. They are looking for someone who shows them honor and respect, a man who pursues them like a valued jewel, not like a dog in heat. I surveyed several single women and asked them what qualities they want most in a guy. Here are their answers in the order they listed them. Now if you’re already married or in a relationship, I encourage you to keep reading on. I believe that relationships take constant intentionality and these principles can apply in any stage of your relationship:
1) Integrity
Women would like to have a deep relationship with a man who has integrity; someone who shows up in the way they say they will, which means they don’t make promises that they cannot keep. Men, metaphorically speaking, it is vital that you are not “writing checks” physically, emotionally and spiritually without the money in the bank to cash them.
2) Honesty
They need a man who is honest, transparent and vulnerable—first with himself, then with the lady in their life. It is painful when men are dishonest and keep things in the shadows. The fruit of an honest man is that you make the woman you’re pursuing feel emotionally safe.
3) Confidence
Confidence coupled with humility is a beautiful thing, but pride sucks. Women mentioned that they don’t need a man to have it all together, they just need someone who trusts the Lord, doesn’t live in fear and are therefore are able to lead the relationship well. Men, when you pursue a woman’s heart with confidence and a plan to bring strength to the relationship, their confidence grows as well.
4) Self-Sacrifice and Love
Women want a man who is sacrificial and knows how to love in a way that makes them feel valued. Men, women want you to help meet their needs even when it is difficult so they know they’re unconditionally loved throughout all of the circumstances of life.
A MAN WITH A PLAN
I’d like to talk to all the men out there today; it’s important to pursue your love interest with a plan. If you’re not at a place in your life where you’re ready to be married, then do everyone a favor (yourself included) and take a break from dating. I’m not saying you have to know that you’re going to marry every girl you take on a coffee date, but if you’re not serious about finding your life partner then it’s likely you’ll treat dating as something casual, as having fun with a cool chick, and “maybe she’ll end up being the one” attitude. Women are looking for men to be purposeful as you pursue their heart. Being honest with where you stand in your pursuit, even if that means you’re not ready to pursue at all, will set women up to only give of themselves to the degree of the commitment level you’re at. The bottom line is, make sure you know what commitment level you’re ready for, intentionally stay at that level of commitment, and make sure your words and actions line up along the way.
HAVING A MENTOR
Being connected to a role model or mentor is imperative for success in these areas. Inviting someone into your life who you are real and raw with, someone who can crack your heart wide open in all areas is invaluable. Many people hide their weaknesses hoping that no one will ever truly see the “real” them. But hiding your flaws only allows your dysfunctional cycle to continue. It is only when you are real with God, with yourself and with others that you begin to become healthy and find freedom and wholeness in your life. So if you don’t have a mentor, seek one out and begin to open your life to their feedback.
What kind of attributes do you look for in a partner? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below!
Originally published on krisvallotton.com.
Featured
I have been enjoying the opportunity to follow this page and read the daily quotes. I have not dated anyone but have been working on myself in this single stage of life. It’s been very helpful to read the daily quotes that you post,as an encouragement! Thank you!
I like guys with these qualities!
I really enjoyed this article; most of it is well put with a lot of good advice. However; there was one thing you said that jumped out at me as being oversimplified.It was when you said “So if you don’t have a mentor, seek one out and begin to open your life to their feedback.”
Don’t get me wrong; I completely agree that it’s important to have a mentor, but I do not agree that it’s as easy to find one as you make it sound. Perhaps that is only because of how it’s worded and not what you were trying to say.
My issue is that it is much harder to find a mentor than how you made it sound. Not just anyone can be a mentor; it takes someone who is wise and understanding. I myself have sought out a mentor for years, and even came close to finding one. Yet, he just wasn’t able to understand my particular struggle. (and he was a pastor)
I have sought for a mentor for almost 10 years now, and I pray about it, but I am still searching.
I would ask my godly friends for help in finding a mentor. However; I failed to make any meaningful friendships with faithful men around my age, despite being activly involved in my old church for 8 years, and attending youth events in an attempt to make friends.
So I guess what I’m really saying is, what advice do you have for someone in their late 20’s who has activly tried to “seek one out” for close to 10 years and come up empty? Because; I am about ready to give up looking all together.
Hey Jason! 🙂
I just prayed for you, and i remembered this:
A few times i have checked my snapchat only to find out no one had sent me any snaps. Then i realized i had not sent any myself for many days.
I belive you will find what you are searching for, God bless you!
Hey Jason, have you found a mentor yet? I am also searching for one and noticed that you have been searching for one for 10 yrs! Bro my prayers is that you recieve the counsel you desire! I know God’s plan is for you to prosper and soar like an eagle! Love you brother!
Jason,More power to you for seeking a moral mentor. Today’s standards are pushing the time tested principals of morality to the point of distrust. A distrust that anyone REALLY cares about who another person is and what value they have for them. Such mentality leaves others questioning what their personal self worth is.
The adversary wants this type of distrust because it leaves the individual, you, vulnerable to his craftiness and misleading philosophies. The only true way to find the path that will steer you around the lies and traps set by the adversary is to turn to Jesus Christ and His Father, God the Father. The gospel of Christ is pure, simple and surely not of men of the world. With that said the question comes – so how do you find this pure, simple and joyful relationship?
The first place to begin is to listen to that still small voice within. The best place I have found this voice is on my knees in quit, peaceful places. When in this location of your choosing, pour out your sincere concerns and questions to your Christ. (That’s correct, your Christ.) Make it personal. Make it a regular practice. Make it about faith with a sincere desire. Make it 100% about giving all of you to that hope and act of faith.
Jason, I testify to you that there are legions of angles set to guide and protect you. You have worth beyond your imagination and there is not only someone special for you but you are needed by countless others who you don’t know yet. As you follow the simple yet powerful steps listed above be prepared to receive the miracle you seek.
Jason, never give up and never give in to the adversary. I leave my blessing that as you endure your confidence and strength will grow and you will come to know and live in the morality you seek.
Having been married for 22 years and now divorced…I feel that the points made in this article are SPOT on, valid and puts words to what I felt at times but have had a hard time communicating! Thanks for the article!
Great post!
Yes! Right on! I like the mentor part especially. A man who grows himself and has a mentor is Very sexy. 🙂 haha (is that allowed to say on a Christian website?)
I love Christian answers because it is so easy to spot the “moral response” in them. Did Pastor Kris survey “women” in the real world or rather bssm students?Four things women look for in a man, “the real world response” and yes Christinans live in the real world:
1. A bank account
2. Career or job to supply the bank account
3. A car (preferably with four wheels attached)
4. A bank account