FAQ: When Do I Let Go?

Moral Revolution Team


Question: How/when do you let go (in your heart) of a friendship/relationship that you feel is going nowhere, but you are enjoying the attention from?

The Team’s Answer:

Once you know your relationship is going nowhere and you’re just in it because you’re enjoying the attention, it’s time to let it go. The second your heart is no longer in it and you’re just enjoying the benefits of someone liking you, you’re using them to fill a need that is actually unfair and unkind to ask them to fill. Think about if the roles were switched and you were the one who really liked someone but that person just liked getting attention from you. You would probably want them to end things. It would be unfair of them to keep you around to fill a need.

As far as how to let go, it starts with having a conversation with the other person. Be kind and gracious, but clearly communicate where you’re at and let them know you don’t see the relationship going anywhere. As far as how to let it go in your heart after you’ve ended it, we’ll go into that a little more in-depth in the next question. 

The other thing you want to do is address the deeper need that person was meeting in you. If you’re enjoying attention from them, then how can you get that need met in a healthy way? Do you need to make time to connect deeply with a close friend? Do you need to call a family member who’s close to you? Do you need to spend time with the Lord and ask Him to meet that need in you? God has a lot of great thoughts about us, and it’s important that we go to Him and ask Him to tell us who we are. He gives us our identity and satisfies the deep places in us that man cannot fill.

For more information on how to get your needs met in a healthy way, look at Getting Our Needs Met in a Healthy Way.


Question: How do you break off attachments once you end a relationship?

Once you end a relationship, there are a few things you can do to help you get through the breakup.

First of all, think about what’s going to be easier in the long run. Right now, it would probably be easier to keep in contact with that person, text them regularly, and let them continue to meet emotional needs, but in the long run, that will not be easier and will probably just prolong the pain. What’s going to make things easier six months from now? Or a year from now? Or when this person starts dating someone else? This is why in most cases, like we mentioned above, we are advocates for a clean break.

A clean break allows you to feel the emotions, work through the pain, and heal the hurt so ultimately you can move forward. Surround yourself with good friends and family to offer you the support, comfort, and connection you need as you heal. Journal or talk to God or do whatever you need to do to process the pain. Release that person to God and ask God to release you from them as well as break off any emotional ties or physical ties you may have made with them.

Lastly, remind yourself of who God says you are. It hurts when a relationship ends, and sometimes it can send us down a road of introspection and asking why or what’s wrong with us, but this person and this moment don’t get to define who you are. God is the one who gets to define who you are because He created you and knows you. He loves you, and no matter what it feels like right now, He has beautiful plans for your future.

To read more about moving on, check out How to Move On.

6 Responses to “FAQ: When Do I Let Go?”

  1. Rebecca

    Hi there,
    Just after some advice.
    My partner and I have been together for over 4 years, I want to get married. But he doesn’t think that we are “ready”. In my opinion there is no such thing as ready to get married, and that God doesn’t tell us when to get married. It is our own choice. I would have thought that after 4 years he would have made up his mind. I get mad often because I feel like maybe he doesn’t really want to be with me and he is just using me for pleasure. He says that he loves me, but because he hasn’t proposed yet I doubt that he does.
    I don’t know if I should continue the relationship or end it.



  2. Dear Rebecca,
    I don’t know how old you are or other circumstances of this relationship.
    But, I do see your are already sad and hurt and you haven’t even married him yet. And no one needs to live miserable in love.
    My personal feeling is if he doesn’t know he wants to marry you in 4 years, he never will. A Man should be thrilled to claim his bride.
    And that has Nothing to do with you, consider yourself lucky. Move on. God made you perfect. Every pot has its lid. This guy just isn’t your lid.

  3. Hi there Bec!
    First of all i want to apologize for my bad english, because sometimes i can’t express myself corectly.
    My opinion is that you need to have conversation with your partner about “What’s the goal of that relationship”. If you both don’t have specific goal, then you’re going nowhere, but stuck in one place. (It’s hard to hit the target, when there’s no target). And it can continues like that for years …
    If you set a goal that you’re going to get married, have children and create familiy, then you both gonna make efforts for that main goal regardless the circumstances.
    God said in his word: “You will know them by their fruits”. In other words you have to pay attention on your partner’s action more than on his words. The “love” is shown in actions, not words. If he says he loves you, but his actions says otherwise, than you have to listen to your inner voice.
    Hope i helped you out.


  4. This is exactly where I am right now, and am realizing that I’ve come to the place where it is time for me to move forward. It is very difficult because this is a close friend that I have known since junior high, 37 years ago, when we were in a dorm for school together, in Japan. We went back to Japan together after the tsunami and got reconnected then, after a number of years apart. About a year ago, our friendship grew closer, and we have communicated with each other pretty much every day. But his heart is still healing from a betrayal and breakup of his marriage and divorce 2 years ago, so he says he is not ready. As well, he is not really that into me, and I would not be the first person when he is ready. I know that. And yet, I value the friendship and brother/sister relationship we have shared all these years and don’t want to lose that. But I am ready to move forward, and so I am now at the point where I am having to figure out how to do this in a way that does not damage that friendship, even as we make the necessary adjustments. Not an easy task.

  5. Dang that’s rough, I’m sorry. yeah just know that at the end of the day it’s your choice to say “yes” or “no.” Don’t feel like you have to stay if nothing has progressed. Just my thoughts…

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