The Most Common Way Fake Love Disguises Itself & How to Stop It
Do you think you know what real love is?
You may be shocked to hear this, but growing up, I learned more about real love from my grandfather, who was an atheist, than anyone else in the world. My grandfather met Christ a year before he died, and even still, I believe that he knew more about love than many who have been Believers their entire life. I’d propose that numerous people have been seduced by things that masquerade as love but are just cheap imitations of the real thing. In fact, I have a growing concern that many within the Church associate God’s love with a version that looks noble on the outside but leads people into deep vortexes of emptiness and bondage. I say this with compassion and sincerity, because, after all the oppression I’ve experienced in my own life and after years of helping other people get free, I am convinced that the #1 root cause of most demonic torment is the absence of a love that truly covers a multitude of sins.
SYNTHETIC LOVE
I share my story often, and maybe you’ve heard it, but when my father drowned on a stormy night in 1958, my grandfather made a covenant with my mom that he would take care of her and her kids. Although my mother remarried twice after my father’s death, and both stepfathers could hardly stand the sight of me, my grandfather truly loved me. His affection was felt when he’d run his calloused and leathery hands over my crew-cut hair. He adored me in spite of my blunders. He never made me feel like the rules were more important than our relationship, and though he often corrected me for good reason, he refused to punish me. It was from him that I experienced for the first time a love that truly covered a multitude of sins, and it transformed my life.
If we don't learn how to cultivate the same kind of unconditional love that my grandfather gave me, the love we share and experience will be relegated to duty and obligation. The truth is that synthetic love has many faces, but the most common alias is sacrifice. The Bible says, “If I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing,” (1 Corinthians 13:3). It is important to understand that we can sacrifice, yet not love! People that measure the depth of their spirituality by a list of disciplines and the hardships they endure for God are likely deceived because they believe that sacrifice gives them favor with Jesus. But, believe me, the Creator of love can spot disingenuous devotion from a mile away.
LOVERS JUST LOVE
Even as a child, I knew my grandfather honestly had love in his heart for me. He did not have to feel it, fake it or do anything to prove it, he just did. I was keenly aware that he believed in me before I deserved it. I knew he had passion for me. I understand that the world has replaced love with lust, so talking about passion may inspire visions of pornography or perversion. But genuine love arouses passion in the true sense of the word, which results in enthusiasm, excitement, and zeal.
Passion always looks like sacrifice to people who are not in love. Let me explain it this way: When passion for another possesses us, our hearts are motivated by the empowerment and the betterment of those that are in our lives. In other words, lovers just love—it’s in their bones—it’s who they are.
The great apostle Paul had a revelation of God’s passionate love for us and he described it like this: “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38–39). The sad reality is that many believers can repeat these Bible verses, but some have never really experienced the love of the Father.
LOVE CAN’T BE DEFEATED
If people really knew how much the Father passionately loved them, they would experience a life where no weapon formed against them would prosper (Isaiah 54:17). That’s because real love is the unconquerable weapon that our enemy has no answer for. Whenever we roll it out on the battlefield Satan falls like lightning.
Again, the Apostle Paul says it best; “love never fails…” (see 1 Corinthians 13:8). But when all else fails, remember these three things:
There is no prison so secure that love can’t free you.
There is no captor so strong that love can’t liberate you.
There is no sin so terrible that love can’t restore you.
It is time for the hollowed-out, Spock-like Vulcan Christianity to give way to the heartfelt, risk-filled, and impassioned-fueled love for God and for people. It is time for Jesus’ Bride to awaken and radiate the glory of being loved by the Almighty God! The world is desperate to encounter this true love.
It was my grandfather’s love that made it possible for me to receive the genuine affection of God into my life, and it was God’s pursuing passion for me that became my lifeline when I went through years of demonic torment. Love is ultimately the reason I’m here today writing to you about this.
Knowing now that LOVE CANNOT BE DEFEATED, here are the mighty ways I learned that will extract fear, unforgiveness, and uproot synthetic love from your life and relationships:
Receive God’s unconditional love for yourself - ask the Holy Spirit to help you truly embrace God’s wholehearted and grace-filled love deep down in your soul. Acknowledge that you are His beloved daily and meditate on His goodness.
Be an example - allow His love to overflow into the relationships in your life. Exemplify unconditional love like my grandfather embodied and demonstrated to me. (You can read more about specific examples of the boyhood relationship I had with my grandfather in my book Spirit Wars.)
Maybe you’re a grandparent or a parent, a son or a daughter, a friend, or simply an acquaintance. Regardless of the position you have in someone’s life, you have the power to forgive and love unconditionally. You are the embodiment of authentic love that can truly transform someone’s life.
I pray that the love of God will fill you and that the Holy Spirit will guide you into the Father’s embrace. I pray for you to embody the revelation that “we love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). The reality of this truth empowers you to love the unlovable and forgive those before they deserve it. Tell someone today that you believe in them; show them that you love them. Know that you are loved, and you were made to love!
