Raising Daughters

“Here’s what I know about Heaven’s daughter: She is lovely, intelligent, and capable. Her life is connected rather than isolated. She is loved by God and hated by Satan. She is oppressed worldwide by both subtle and obvious means. The question remains: What might she be collectively if she was supported and strategic?” -Lisa Bevere

To every new mother who has or is going to have a daughter, this is for you. 

There was so much joy that warmed my heart when my husband and I found out we were having a little girl! Have you ever had good news that you couldn't keep a secret? I wanted to shout on the rooftops to the whole world that the Green family was adding a precious princess to the family. There is a long list of reasons why I wanted a girl: to dress her up, to put bows in her hair, wear matching outfits together, and to see my husband have his daddy’s little girl. The list could go on and on, but it wasn’t until much later in my pregnancy, when I realized just how important raising a daughter is to the kingdom of God. 

My husband bought a grey rocking chair for her nursery and every day I would sit in it and pray over our daughter. 

I would pray for her

Health

Safety

Protection

Calling

Faith

One afternoon, praying over Charlotte, I began to speak such fiercely intense words of purpose over her life that could only have come from the Holy Spirit. It was as if God was not only prophesying who He created her to be, but also telling me, “This is who she is and I chose you as Charlotte’s mother to disciple her.” God wasn’t excluding my husband from the journey of disciplining our daughter together, because a father’s role is just as important when it comes to raising daughters, but the Holy Spirit was instructing me on just how important my individual role in her life will be. Man, oh man, He was so right.

Daughters want to be just like their mommies: 

She will copy the way you talk, dress, and carry yourself

She listens to how you talk to your husband

She pays close attention to how you talk to her

She sees how you interact with other people

She observes what you do, not what you tell her to do

She watches how you pray and interact with God 

She wants to be just like you.

Raising a daughter has very little to do with dressing them up and putting bows in their hair, it has more to do with molding the next generation of daughters for the advancement of God’s kingdom here on Earth. Your little girl will go from studying all that you do and all that you say, to a reflection of how you raised her. A large part of how you disciple (train, discipline, raise, and love) your daughter will determine the magnitude of her attitude towards God, her husband, her children, other people, and her calling. God has prepared a path for your daughter to walk down, which can only be walked down by her. You can not walk down this path for her, you can only prepare her for it. Here are two practical ways that we can do this for our daughters. 

1. You have a mother’s instinct for a reason

There will be so many other voices trying to tell you what is best for your daughter. Although many of them have the absolute best intentions in mind for you and for her, they don’t have the instincts God placed in you to be her mom. 

I remember when Charlotte was 1 year old and my mother-in-law flew out to California to visit. We went to the zoo, and if you have ever been to the San Diego Zoo, then you know it's always crowded. There are people everywhere, and 90% of them don't have the best manners. (I say that with love, Southern Californians!) This particular day, it was busier than usual and people were pushing us around, cutting in front of us, and at one moment, a gentleman shoved me into a large crowd. Reluctantly, I said in a polite manner, "I'm sorry, please excuse us." No part of me wanted to be nice to that man, or any person for that reason. Rightfully so, my MIL said, "Alex stop being so nice because they aren’t.” A very large part of me was like, “You are so right!” But the other part of me knew that someone else was watching and that was more important than being right. 

It was the God-given instinct to know what was right for my daughter at that moment, rather than choosing what felt right for me. There are going to be so many times when we don't always get it right or do the right thing for our daughters, and you know what? It's okay because you are human. God doesn't require any of His daughters to be perfect, He just asks that when we do mess up, we get up, apologize to our children if necessary, and try again. If there’s one thing I know, my flesh will always fail, but Jesus won't. Those natural instincts towards your children, that’s the Holy Spirit, and if you lean in and carefully listen to God the Father’s instructions, you will grow as a mother and your daughter will grow too. 

2. Remember you are a daughter too

As mothers, it's easy to forget that we are someone else's daughter. I'm not just talking about our earthly parents, but we are God's chosen daughters. There is a path that God molded before you were even born that is just for you. No one can walk down that path for you, only you can. God saw you before the foundation of the world and decided to place you in such a time as this. Seeing yourself through God's eyes gives a perspective shift. It brings clarity on just how important being a woman is to the kingdom of God.

“May our sons flourish in their youth like well-nurtured plants. May our daughters be like graceful pillars, carved to beautify a palace.” (Psalms 144:12)

The King James Version of this verse says, "That our daughters may be as cornerstones." In Biblical times, giant pillars were found in extravagant palaces. The most expensive pillars were decorated with fine marble, neatly polished and carefully put in place. The most important pillars were distinctly designed to be placed at an intersection that would hold up two or more walls. They were the foundation of uniting various rooms and connecting them to one another. In shorter terms, they held everything in place. 

This is the image of godly daughters. They are highly chosen, beautiful pillars, put on display. Godly daughters are created from the hands of a master craftsman to hold both form and function. Daughters hold the family together with strength and dignity. It is their stability that serves as a connecting point for everything else. God chose His daughters to be the lifeline in our family. To be a cornerstone for our nation, and an example put on display for our daughters to see. We are so valuable and precious in God’s eyes and I believe He would want all of His daughters to band together in supporting one another in raising the future generation of daughters.

So, mama bears, you are exactly the mom your daughter needs. Listen to your instincts when it comes to making decisions for her mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual growth. Listen to your Heavenly Father’s instructions because He only wants what’s best for you and your family. Lastly, band together with me as one of God’s chosen daughters. Together we can support one another in this thing called motherhood as we raise world changers.