My Porn Petition

Being Real About Pornography

I fasted and prayed for twelve years that somehow the Lord would keep me from looking at porn. I wanted Him to keep me from being tempted. That didnt' happen. I would have taken some kind of weird "I'm-stuck-to-the-floor-and-can't-move-to-look-at-porn-no-matter-how-much-I-want-to-but-know-I-shouldn't-and-I-would-if-I-could-but-I'm-stuck-to-the-floor" experience, something against my will. That didn't happen either. I didn't get an impartation of holiness or a magical verse that took my sexual struggle away. I was the most spiritual person that I knew and I couldn't quit sinning, no matter how immediate and sincere my repentance was, or how noble and pure my intentions were toward everyone around me.

I didn't get an impartation of holiness or a magical verse that took my sexual struggle away.

One month before I turned twenty-three, I found myself in a unique situation: I was sober enough to see that I was stuck, and, despite my pretensions, with and answers. I felt like my years of confused petitioning of the Lord culminated into the next season of my life. The Lord superseded my healing with His leading. I made myself a part of a group of guys who were seriously finding their purity and their freedom. They didn't do much that I thought they should, like pray and intercede. They just talked to each other. It was unbelievably uncomfortable. For the first six months, all i could talk about was how bad I messed up and the dirty things i was thinking. For the next six months, I talked about how I was afraid and how I'd been hurt. After that, I started getting more powerful: I told people "no" when I wanted to say "no". I'd tell people when they hurt my feelings, and when I had a need that they could meet. And after three years of that, I'm somebody that I never thought I could be: someone in control of their emotions and sexuality. My sobriety is measured in months and years now instead of days or weeks, and my freedom is being measured in powerful decisions that I am learning to make

-- Scott 26, Kentucky