"Losing Yourself" in Marriage
Marriage is the hardest and greatest thing you’ll ever do, because through marriage you are called to “lose your self” to gain so much more.
When you hear the term “lose your self,” you might rebel against that idea, and rightly so.
I, for one, am a huge advocate for people not losing themselves in a dating relationship, but rather, committing to finding themselves long before they get married. They should dedicate the time and energy it takes to get to know themselves first and to get to know themselves well.
To attract and sustain a healthy marriage, singles should become as healthy and whole as they can while standing alone and remain that way through marriage. I dedicated my entire first book to this important concept.
But in the formula of marriage, I’m talking about a different kind of “loss.” I’m not talking about the loss of identity, but about the loss of self. They might sound like the same thing, but they are completely and utterly different.
The loss of self has nothing to do with losing our identity or our personality. It doesn’t mean we ignore our needs, wants, and desires or let go of our goals and dreams. It doesn’t mean we forget our opinions, our beliefs, and our ideas. No, letting go of self means one thing and one thing alone: we choose to lose all that is wrong in exchange for all that is right. Losing our “selves” means we let go of all that God has called us not to be in exchange for all he has called us to be.
And when we can see marriage as an invitation to partake in this beautiful exchange time and time again, we find ourselves becoming better and better along the way.
Losing our “selves” means we let go of all that God has called us not to be in exchange for all he has called us to be.
We’re invited to exchange our selfishness, for holiness.
Our vulnerability for intimacy.
Our pride for humility.
Our assumptions for truth.
Our insecurities for safety.
Our facade for authenticity.
Our infatuation for adoration.
Our independence for oneness.
We’re called to lose all that we are not, for all that God calls us to be.
Nothing can move us into the beautiful exchange of marriage more than the knowledge of the greatest exchange that took place for every one of us. In this beautiful exchange, the greatest one of all, Jesus Christ exchanged His life to redeem our weaknesses, our brokenness, our sins, and our struggles.
In this beautiful exchange, He took upon Himself all that He is not to free us to become all that He has called us to be.
And just as Christ rose again, so we can rise again too. After the struggle of death, there will always come the victory of life (Romans 6:11). Those who know Christ in the suffering of His death will also know Him in the power of His resurrection (Philippians 3:10-11). No matter what hardship you are facing today, be encouraged that, through Christ, there is hope of resurrection. There is hope of reconciliation. There is hope of redemption.
COST AND REWARD
Everything of value—and that is exactly what marriage is, a most valuable and cherished possession—is costly.
Scripture affirms this value and refers to finding a good spouse as though they are a precious gem or a royal crown (Proverbs 31:10; 12:4).The analogy portrays the sheer blessing of finding someone who adds value to your life.Marriage isn’t just about the sacrificial cost; it’s about so much more.It’s about the great gain.It’s about the beautiful exchange that occurs in our lives when we let go of the wrong in exchange for what is right. And ultimately, what we give is nothing compared to what we end up receiving.
While that exchange is certainly costly, it pales in comparison to the great reward we receive in the end: less of us, and more of Him. “He must become greater; I must become less” (John 3:30). The emptier we feel, the more He can fill us. The less we have, the more we can receive. The weaker we are, the stronger Christ makes us. The more we give, the better we become. It’s the irony of the beautiful exchange that will occur time and time again in our lives and in our marriages, if only we invite it to change us. If only we allow it to refine us.
No matter what your relationship status, whether single or married or somewhere in between, may you allow God to use the relationships He’s placed in your life as an opportunity to enter into the beautiful exchange; the exchange that will replace more of us with more of Him. And as we do, may we watch the transformation within us begin to influence those around us.
Because marriage is a call to lose ourselves, to become even better along the way.
Original article: https://truelovedates.com/lose-yourself-in-marriage/
