Living Fully in Your Singleness
How do I keep hope alive while waiting for my future spouse?
It can be hard if you’ve been single for a long time to, as you say, keep hope alive. The two keys we’ll focus on in this Q&A are to have faith and live a full life. In this section we’ll start with the topic of faith, as our belief systems are what shape our experiences of life.
No matter where we’re at or how long we’ve been waiting, we must take the time to be honest with ourselves and take a look at what we believe about our circumstances. David set a great example for us in Psalm 27. In a season of waiting for deliverance he processes his pain and deals with his discouragement by centering his trust in God. In verse 13 he highlights the key to overcoming hopelessness: “I would have despaired unless I believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” He had to believe, had to have faith, if he was going to have hope.
He understood this: it is easy to be overcome with despair if we do not believe that God will fulfill the desires of our hearts and give them to us in timely manner (especially if we’ve been disappointed before). If we are to be content in every season, we must learn to put our hope in the right place- not in the husband or wife we are waiting for, not in our ideals or how we think things should work out - but in the God who is the source of every good gift. We must trust that His timing is for our benefit and that He can and will work all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.
If you feel hopeless right now, we would invite you to ask yourself some questions: Do I believe that God is good and that He wants me to have the things that I desire and hope for? Do I believe that I am lovable, worthy of love, and desirable? Do I believe God will withhold from me because I’m not good enough in some way?
If your answer to any or all of these questions is no (and that’s okay!) we’d invite you to go on a journey - a journey that will confront any fears you may have, shape your identity, and strengthen your personal relationship with and faith in God. Once you have calmed any fear or mis-beliefs inside of you, you will be free to make the most of your single season.
How can I get the most out of this time of being single?
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul teaches on singleness and marriage. He describes singleness, not as a burden, but as a holy, blessed lifestyle. These people, he points out, can live a life free of the distractions that marriage brings; as a single person, your focus can be dedicated to the Lord and what He’s calling you to, but as a married person, much of your energy is spent on the needs of your spouse (1 Cor 7:32-35). As Paul writes, we should take full advantage of our “undistracted season” for as long as it lasts. As Solomon wrote, there is a time for every season and our fulfillment comes when we submit ourselves to our current season and embrace it for what it is.
What does this look like practically? Live a full life now. Be thankful and intentional where you’re at; as they say, the grass is greener where you water it! Too many people waste valuable time “waiting” for the girl or guy of their dreams and end up missing out on life. Make sure you are living the adventure that God has created you to live. Pursue your dreams and do the things that make you come alive. Cultivate friendships. Serve your community. Practice your hobbies. Grow in your gifts. Simply, follow God’s leading for your life, right now. Living in your purpose, living with a sense of vision and significance is the most fulfilling way to live, regardless of your marital status. Besides, it is usually from living your adventure that you will end up meeting the person you want to spend the rest of your life with anyway.
Lastly, don’t get too caught up in who you think you will marry. Yes, it can be encouraging to make your list, or imagine your “one day” scenarios, but it may also sidetrack you or set you up for disappointment. God may surprise you! He will give you the desires of your heart, but it may not come in the package you’ve fantasized about for ages. (ie: The guy/gal you fall in love with may not be your classic “type” but he or she is exactly the type you need.) Simply put, if we can hold loosely to our picture of our future spouse we’ll be much more able to recognize a good thing when it comes to us, and fully enjoy our time of being single.
