When pain from the past goes unresolved and unhealed, it leads to self-protective measures and often bitterness. We make accusations and judgments against the other gender and consciously or subconsciously create walls and space between us. While we both have fallen into this trap, this is how your actions are affecting the men that you’re hoping will pursue you.
Over centuries the stigma and shame associated with sex has caused a lot of destruction inside and outside churches. From abortion to divorce to gender transition, shame around sexuality has impacted America. Our self-made effort to bring resolution, the Sexual Revolution, has hardly been the salve we had hoped. Its fruit is the whole-scale breakdown of family and sexual accountability that we see today in our Tinder and porn driven culture. Yet the silver lining of the Sexual Revolution may very well be our willingness to see and say all things sexual utterly shamelessly. In the end, our ability to be transparent and vulnerable about our sexuality and its formation could very well be an answer to prayer.
I’ve always been the woman who’s not afraid to ask a guy out. In my early twenties, my social prowess felt like a gift. But just beneath my cool exterior was a self-conscious girl who believed the right guy would never find me, that I had to make it happen. Last year, I encountered the harsh reality that I was thirty, still single, and stuck in a toxic relationship cycle. I’ve discovered that not giving men the opportunity to pursue us wholeheartedly can potentially shipwreck our relationships.
Most of us have had our heart broken at some point in our life. Most of us have felt rejected or discarded by someone. It’s extremely painful and no one enjoys the feeling of “not being chosen.” So how do we deal with that rejection? How do we not believe the lie that we are “less than” or “not as good as” that other girl or guy who was chosen? I know this pain more than I’d like to admit. I faced one of the biggest rejections of my life when my husband chose to give his heart to somebody else…
Sexual addiction is very complex. There are several underlying issues that contribute to this problem. There are also unique issues that a spouse faces when sexual addiction is suspected and/or revealed. As a spouse of a sex addict, it is imperative that you understand your role in the recovery process. Here are 7 helpful things every spouse should know about sex addiction.
I dated the most insane person. No seriously, I really think he was crazy. At the time, he seemed great! Thanks to my friends it only took me two months to realize my prince charming was actually a frog. That is why they say “love is blind,” but there is a balance in knowing what flaws to look past and what are major red flags. Since my vision was blurred, my family and friends helped correct my eyesight. There were three red flags that my friends and I picked up on that helped me avoid making a HUGE mistake by comparing true love to his counterfeit love.
We live in the days of mass advertising, entertainment, and the internet. Sexual images and information saturate every form of media. While it’s good to shield kids where we can, we can’t nurture some “Little House on the Prairie”-type fantasy that they won’t be exposed to them.
We’ve been handed a problem and we’ve been unknowingly contributing to it. For far too long the church has been precluded from the cultural narratives of sexuality. Our near-fatal mistake has been that our only message on the topic is, “No! Don’t be led by evil desires.” As pornography, casual sex, and the introduction of media began to shape culture, we were shaped by fear and lack of understanding. Now we are facing the consequences of our fear-based response.
You’re sitting in a new small group circle when you look across and see an attractive woman. You notice her hair, her posture, her demeanor and then suddenly there’s the pull. No one else takes your attention, but you feel from deep within this drawing. There’s a stirring inside. You quickly look away. What is going on? Are you having an experience of same sex attraction? Could it be that you are really a lesbian after all?
Out of the 7+ billion people in the world, picking 1 to spend the rest of your life with can feel like a really daunting decision to make. I totally get how confusing it can be trying to navigate through dating and relationships in search of finding that one person you want to spend the rest of your life with. So how do you know when you’ve found someone worth holding on to?