We admire others that have long-lasting friendships. Some have best friends that were their roommates in college, and others are their childhood neighbors. But, how do people actually maintain friends that stand the test of time?
There is no doubt that the events of the COVID-19 pandemic showed the true colors of our character. We learned to let go, showed our appreciation for those who stuck around, and accepted parts of ourselves that need healing. Like the pandemic and other pain points in our lives, they reveal how we persevere through difficult times.
But how do we maintain the friends we care about when walking through challenging seasons? How do we show our continuous care and concern for our friends? How do we strengthen our connection?
We’ve got your back. Here are five keys of wisdom that will benefit the longevity of your friendships!
1. Friends Are There for the Good and Bad Times
Sharing beautiful moments with friends is a blessing we forever cherish. Graduations, promotions, weddings, birthdays, and other happy moments are things we should celebrate with our friends.
But what happens when life gets messy? How can we be there for our friends who are struggling?
Here are some ways what we show up for our friends are to:
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Actively listen- eye contact, positive body language, being present.
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Ask questions- show interest by being invested in the conversation with questions.
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Reach out to them often– send “thinking of you” texts, call to check in on them, ask how you can be there for them.
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Grieve with them- don’t try to “fix” their emotions or situation, just love on them.
Being present and showing intentional care for our friends helps us retain the glue of our friendships. We can be happy for others by embracing them for their successes, AND we can grieve with others by sitting with them in their pain.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” – Romans 12:15
2. Friends Understand that Honesty is the Best Policy
The most genuine friendships we have are built on trust, vulnerability, and having an open heart.
Time is a great advantage when we’re growing and deepening our friendships. With time, we learn how to trust our friends by allowing them into more . Sharing different parts of our lives with new and old friends helps us exchange humble correction and sound wisdom. Having an inviting heart to friends that cross our path gives a clear direction on God’s purpose He has for us.
When you invite trust into a friendship, it builds the bridge of connection for the both of you to experience God’s love!
So, what are the first steps to deepening connection with safe friends?
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Sharing your story vulnerably- be yourself and be open with your life.
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Build a safe place for them to do the same– have a “no shame” zone where they can share their story as well in a safe place.
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Being open to feedback- friends make each other better, so be open to honest feedback from the people who know you most!
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Share loving wisdom and advice- when it’s asked for, give advice and feedback in love.
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Reminding and affirming friends of their value- grow friendships that build each other up, not down.
“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” Proverbs 27:17
3. Friends Make the Effort to Communicate Better
Miscommunication will inevitably come up between our friends. You both come with your own set of triggers, conflict styles, and backgrounds because you’re two different people! So, there’s going to be many times we say things that don’t land smoothly with our friends (or vice versa) and we need to be prepared on how to handle it.
It’s our job to effectively and appropriately communicate when we find ourselves in the midst of a disagreement. Come to conflict curious- not immediately assuming their intentions are bad, but come seeking to understand and believing the best. By doing so, it helps build safety and resolves issues with more compassion. The truth is, we can’t control how someone responds to us, but we can control how we show up to the conversation.
Some ways that we can communicate better is by:
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Ask questions- don’t automatically assume you see the whole situation, come curious and ask questions.
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Using “I feel” statements- share your feelings from your point of view, don’t put words in the other persons mouth.
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Respecting space- if they need time to process, let them have the space. Vice versa, give yourself space to cool down if you need it before talking.
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Remain empathetic and non-judgmental– if this person is a good friend and you still want relationship with them, then treat them with love even in conflict.
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Attentively listen and choose wisely on what you need to say- we can’t always take back things we’ve said, so speak things that give life- not death.
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue. . .” Proverbs 18:21
4. Friends Genuinely Express Their Gratitude
The feeling and attitude of thankfulness allows us to receive more goodness into our lives and relationships! For goodness to freely flow in our friendships, it’s important we build a culture of appreciation within ourselves. It can be easy to go on “auto-pilot” in our friendships and just assume they know how we feel about them, but that’s not always the case! Share your heart and why you’re grateful to have them in your life, then watch as the bond of your friendships strengthen!
So take a moment to ask yourself, what’s one
thing you can do to show your love and appreciation for your friends this week? Take time to pursue it!
“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” – Romans 12:10
5. Friends Extend Grace and Forgiveness
Last but not least, genuine friends offer grace and forgiveness, so we continue to change our hearts for the glory of Jesus.
Grace and forgiveness give us the chance to repent. Asking God for forgiveness and turning away from our sins are crucial elements to live out the life God has for us. Importantly, grace and forgiveness must be a mutual exchange between friends so that we can walk through our battles and bear our burdens together!
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
The people that God puts in our lives are meant to bring us closer to Christ by offering compassion, love, humble correction, and forgiveness. Often times, God shows us another side of His heart through the friendships and relationships we’ve built in our lives. Creating community and fighting for friendships that last isn’t always easy, but it’s worth the effort and investment. Let us know in the comments how you fight for your friendships!
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Gracias Moral Revolution 💙🖤