Dumped
We’ve all been there. It starts off with a, “Hey! We really need to talk.” Then a few minutes pass and you’re confronted with this awkward pseudo-question, “But I hope we can still be friends…?”
Ugh!
This isn’t another post about, why things didn’t work out. You’ve probably had enough of that already. No one plans on getting dumped. No one even expects it! But if you’re scrolling through Facebook broken-hearted, and trying to cope, we want you to know… we feel you. Here are 7 Sure-Fire Ways to Get Over Your Ex.
1. LET IT ALL OUT
It’s okay to cry. Some of us are afraid to let it all out because we want to believe we are still in control. Like there’s an unsaid competition to see who takes the breakup the hardest.
Listen: no one wins.
Breakups are messy inside and out. Crying isn’t admitting defeat; it’s allowing your heart to process. Think about it this way: someone who was once a part of your life has just decided not to be. Yikes! That’s a pretty heavy blow for anyone, and that’s something that is out of our control. If I was hit by a car on Thursday, I wouldn’t be at work on Friday pretending like nothing happened. So why is it, that culturally, we are forced to get up and walk off our heartbreak?
2. BURN IT ALL
Okay, okay. We’re not telling you to commit a felony (especially if your ex went to law school). However, we have to recognize that burning is a metaphor for something deeper. It’s a way of reinforcing the fact that it’s really over. Nothing is worse than being stuck in a relationship with the ghost of your ex.
3. FIND OUT WHO YOU WERE BEFORE
Being in a relationship shouldn’t change you, right? I mean if someone really loves you they should love you for who you are; the good, the bad, and the ugly… Right? So then why do we change? Where do we go wrong?
The truth is, relationships are not about change but exchange.
When we decide to be with someone we undoubtedly invite them to influence us. That doesn’t mean they control us, but instead we allow ourselves to be re-positioned when the need arises. We all want love to flow through our relationships, however, sometimes we can become the hindrance to that goal.
So then, are you still functioning like you’re in a relationship? If so, remember who you were before you got into a relationship and simply readjust.
4. AVOID TALKING TO THEIR FRIENDS
We all get tempted to talk to our ex’s friends. Sometimes it’s because we legitimately have a lot more in common with them. Other times, it’s simply because they’re cuter. Whatever the case:
Just don’t do it!
This isn’t Nike, and Kevin Durant is not your friend…
Nothing is more tempting than talking about your ex when you’ve just broken up. Talking to your ex’s friends can easily become a way of accessing their lives when your ex has already decided not be a part of yours. It’s low! Even if you’re not trying to get information and you legitimately want to get to know an ex’s friend, give it a few weeks. Intentionally seeking out an ex’s friend after a breakup can be misinterpreted easily, and nothing can be a bigger put-off.
5. DON’T REBOUND. RETHINK.
Believe it or not, rebounding isn’t going to get rid of the pain and disappointment you may be feeling.
Instead, reconsider your relationship.
Take the good things and celebrate them. Take the bad things, reassess them, and take responsibility for your part. That doesn’t mean you have to send a massive text-apology to your ex, or you need to call them up. Just forgive yourself! Then give yourself the freedom to move forward.
6. HAVE FUN!
Take some time to not think about your breakup. Go have fun! Enjoy your friends, family, and the outdoors. Try taking a new class, going to a concert, or starting a new project. Whatever the case, give yourself permission to be happy again.
7. STOP
Stop reflecting. Stop reassessing. Stop wondering what your life would have been like if you were both still together. You deserve to be happy.
If you can’t stop thinking about your ex then talk to a close friend or mentor about it. You are the deciding factor when it comes to the kind of man or woman you want to be, and no past relationship has the right to control your future. Go! Take some risks, make good choices, and be free from your ex.
– Victor Morales (Intern)
What happens if you stop talking to your ex.. But you can’t forget about them? Could it be that their the one? Is it possible to be attached to your ex and like somebody else?
Hi Ray, have you heard about soul ties? They are definitely worth learning about! I was married for 9 years and I’ve been divorced for almost a year now. I prayed and broke the soul tie as soon as the divorce was final. It’s only natural that I think about my ex considering how long we were together. It used to be quite frequently, but because the tie was broken AND time has passed, now he only surfaces in my thoughts every so often. Just because I think about him doesn’t mean he’s the one- obviously…Having said that, I can relate to your ‘are they the one?’ thought process…I know that I’ve thought that about several guys even in just the last few months! It’s an emotional way of thinking. I’ve decided to focus on living my life…while believing that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. He really does have our best interests at heart. He knows the desires of our hearts, and if we seek Him first, the rest will come.
As for ‘being attached to your ex’, you may do some research on soul ties and find that your phrase is actually quite literal….hope this helps!
Good advice. FORGIVENESS is about you, not the other person. It is about your freedom to live life vibrantly as God has designed you and trusting God with your hopes and dreams.
This is really a good read. Maybe the best “breakup-related” article I have ever read! Thank you!
Hope there’s also an article for breakups where nobody was dumped like some kind of a mutual decision breakup where nobody is at fault. Just a topic suggestion. 🙂
Love this! Thank you! XO
You guys are the best.
So good and SO simple! I think we over-analyze it sometimes. ALL things work together for MY good – so if he broke up with me (or even I broke it off) – you know what? It’s all good!!!
This is the most caring article I have read about break-ups. Thank you for sharing
I agree on trying to find out who you were before them. That is tough but accurate.