Pornography can feel like a python squeezing the life out of you. I know first hand, I was caught in the trap for years. The struggle can feel like a vicious cycle that pulls you deeper into hurt and isolation. We need lifelines, rescue ropes, and voices of strength that push us to endure and fight for our freedom. Advice while struggling with sin can be well intentioned but poorly executed. We can leave with condemnation, more rules, and less hope. This isn’t one of those times, this is a lifeline, a piece of advice that will help you. Let’s dive in!
Don’t believe the lie that you will struggle with this forever
The intensity of a struggle should never determine your hope. You could be struggling with sin for 2 years or 10, it doesn’t matter, our hope rests in Jesus came to set us free. Freedom is God’s standard and we should line up our perspective with His. God has paved a way for freedom and the first thing we do is believe it’s possible despite our experiences. As a man walking in freedom for over 7 years, I want you to know it’s very possible to live free.
Don’t hide it, talk to someone who isn’t struggling
Sunlight is the best disinfectant. It can be a terrifying to talk about your struggle but it’s a necessary step on the road to living completely free. Jesus breaks all our shame so that telling our struggle can be liberating. God has designed our lives to be healthiest when we’re in community. When we open ourselves up to healthy community we begin to receive their strength. Isolation is never the pathway to healing rather, community is essential to freedom.
Don’t live by rules but by your identity
Rules and plans can appear wise but they fail because they’re built around the assumption that our behavior is the problem. This is a revolutionary idea for many but your struggle with pornography isn’t the problem. It’s the fruit of the problem and the real issue is how you see yourself. Do you see yourself as loved by God? Do you see yourself as forgiven by God? Do you view your past as your past? When we give our life to Jesus, the Bible says we become a new creation. Our identity is no longer defined by what we do but what Jesus has done. We are not pure because we stick to a purity plan. We’re pure because Jesus has made us pure. This is the origin of healthy behavior. Proverbs says that “as a man thinks in his heart so he is.” How we view ourselves is crucial and Jesus gives us a new identity that will change our behavior. We’re not recovering, horrible sinners anymore. Jesus has transformed us into new people and we need to start living like it’s true.
Don’t be foolish, get some boundaries
Boundaries are tools that when used well promote health. Boundaries are not just a list of things you can do. Boundaries protect what you have said yes to in life. You can make boundaries that say “no computer after 10pm because I don’t want to look a porn” or you can make boundaries that say “I don’t look at my computer after 10pm because I value the purity God gave me.” Boundaries work best when they protect what you value not what your afraid of doing.
Get your needs met in healthy ways
We all have needs in life, for example we all need to feel loved. Now, if we don’t know how to meet that need in a healthy way we can fall into sin. Most men who fall into pornography have had a hard time finding love. Not love like a girlfriend but unconditional love that gives them worth and value outside of what they do. The need to feel loved is the need to know our worth. If you can find healthy ways to find your worth you will start beating pornography to the ground. An example would be to get worth from God and know how much He loves you.
God is good and he is for you
How we view God determines so much about our life. Once I discovered that God is good and wasn’t out to punish me then I leaned into Him. I stopped being afraid of Him and started to trust Him. This led me into living in His strength. I now could approach Him because I knew He loved me and was for me. He not only had the power to help me but he wanted to help me. This was crucial in my journey to living free from pornography. I no longer felt God was angry but that He loved me and was there for me.
Temptation doesn’t mean you’re broken inside
Temptation is real, Jesus dealt with it. Most of us however deal with it very different than Jesus. The moment we’re tempted we think it’s because we have a problem inside of us. The bible says Jesus was tempted in all ways but without sin. This is huge; temptation isn’t a sin. Temptation can lead to sin but it doesn’t start as sin. We have to remember that the enemy tempts us and we always have a way out of it. Does that mean all temptation doesn’t come from within? No, some temptation comes because we perpetuate it through sin and poor thinking. But not all temptation comes from within us as Jesus revealed with being tempted by satan.
Don’t believe the lie that because you’ve looked at pornography now you wont have good sex when your married
I have had so many questions and sometimes statements about sex in marriage after being addicted to pornography. The concern is that now you won’t be able to get the images out of your head or you’ll be triggered by it. I am here to tell you that it’s possible to have a great sex life in marriage and not let any of your past affect you. Does it mean the enemy doesn’t try? No, he does try but his success is determined by me and I don’t let him win. God loves sex and He designed it for marriage, so you have more support than you think.
Featured
Thanks for the good advise on dealing with pornography, I feel I’ve lost sight of what God means to me in all of this. I need to re- prioritise what he means to me.
I have to say, this info. Needs to be brought to light very much. I just clicked this article out of curiosity and all the other info. On Moral Revolution is so deap and sincere. With that said and someone who has never struggled with this, I am amazed how much these lies are promoted – this needs to end for sure so that people struggling do not have to as much. It is a shame that our own religion or religious system although against the sin nearly promotes the trap. Thank you for your clarity and openness.
This problem is not isolated to men. I wish more women would speak about female masterbation and porn addictions. This blog is really helpful to myself. It goes to show how much every single human just needs love, 100% legitimate LOVE.
I keep struggling with porn especially when I am angry or anxious. I tell myself I am just going to watch. But I find a video that appeals to my desire and I give in to the desire to masturbate. Then I feel like a failure and isolate myself. I feel like no one loves me or cares about me. I believe it is the same reason why people get into the porn industry.
A woman friend recently confided in me her addiction to porn and how she acts and how her behavior changes. I found it great that she confided in me her secrets and that she trusts me but I do not trust myself a 100% yet. My temptations are better but I still sometimes feel the need to release…which is counter intuitive.
Thanks Chris, you’re the manAnd thanks Christ lol.
This is super important, it helps me alot.
Boundaries is key and to be vulnerable with friends.
Seeing myself the way God sees me, amazing good points to practice.
Again thanks Chris, more of this stuff please 😀
That’s for sharing these words of life. I was struggling tonight and literally googled “struggling with porn” and your article came up.
God bless,
-Jonnie (not my real name)
most definitely the church of today does not teach on sin or topics like porn,mental health or the father’s love. it’s all about tickling are ears. be the one in your area to list the rock in your area.
I’ve read this article – & similar ones on this website – probably a dozen times but it wasn’t until today that I realized the concept actually applies to me. I don’t view my past as being in the past & I don’t think I’ve fully let God love me & make me into a new creation.This article did a great job at taking the struggle/habit & pinpointing the issue/motive behind it.
I am so glad I came across this page it has help me so much. I use to think that I was being obedient cause I was not sexually active with a guy I thought it was ok to to watch porn and feel on yourself to keep you from being sexually involved as I am growing closer to God I realize it not ok to do and be not in the righteousness of God I know one day God will bring me the right guy for me I no longer masturbate or watch porn thanking my Heavenly Father.
Love princess thanks for your encouragement and article
I think women also struggle with a form of porn (like me), though I honestly haven’t met any who have. I used to struggle with this in high school. I remember praying a lot and asking for strength to not fall back into it and for a long time I was porn-free.
But recently its been coming back and in the worst way ever- its not straight up porn but still a form of porn in smut comics, and writing and manga. I’d lie to myself that its not as bad or that it wont hurt. But it does, it does in a really terrible way because I try to hide from myself the reality of the matter.
I think an important thing is to not lie to yourself and to face the reality of things and most importantly the severe consequences. An addiction just keeps creeping back into your head feeding you lies and sweet nothings.
I’m not a Christian and there are really a LOT of things about it that I dont understand- so I’ll pray for guidance and I’ll stop running away from it and from myself.
This article is really insightful and I want to believe what it says.
Thank You so much Chris, I’ve been struggling with Porn for 15 years now, and it’s always like I’m never really going to be able to stop. I guess the thing in for me is to bring it out to the light and set some boundaries. I really look forward to when I’ll be free from this addiction.
I googled “struggling with porn” because I was tempted to look at some and came across this article. I’ve struggled with this a very long time and have just admitted to my men’s group that it’s a problem. I used to constantly watch porn. It was rare to get through a day without watching anything. Then, I got married and made it very rare to watch anything at all. After a while, I started reading sex stories online and told myself it wasn’t as bad because I wasn’t seeing anyone, it was just all in my mind. That led me back to watching porn all the time. This Saturday, I fessed up to my small group. I think through everything, telling those guys is the most powerful thing I’ve ever done. I know they’re paying for me to conquer this sin and I know they’ll be asking me how I’ve done. Accountability is necessary for men. We don’t naturally talk about things as well as women. We need to work harder to get to there. Iron sharpens iron.
I ask you to agree with me in prayer to God that I would take hold of the resources He has given me to overcome this addiction to porn. I thank God in advance for the strength and purity he has already given me.
Yo more of this bro, please talk blog more about this, this comment section is also helping me alot