I clearly remember the first time I heard about “Body Safety Rules.” I was at an event for local moms listening to a respected mom from our community speak to our group about a variety of parenting topics. I can’t quite remember how it came up, but someone started asking about how we can protect our children from sexual abuse and I remember the speaker sharing about the “Body Safety Rules” that she and her husband implemented for their family.
While “Body Safety Rules” aren’t new or uncommon, I had never heard of them before and this mom’s passion to equip her children to understand their bodies, know what is appropriate and inappropriate, and empower them to have a strong voice to stand up for themselves was inspiring. Since both of my children were under two years old at the time, I didn’t think there would be anything I could apply so early on, but she reassured me that I could begin laying a strong foundation of trust, open communication and awareness now and build upon it as time went on.
The week after, I spent a lot of time reading articles, talking with other moms, and chatting with my husband to determine what “Body Safety Rules” would look like for our family.
While there’s still so much for us to learn on this topic as our children continue to grow older, below are a few things that we’ve implemented in this season of having two young toddlers:
1. We Use Proper Names of Body Parts
Although this was initially very uncomfortable for me, many of the resources I turned to mentioned the importance of using the proper names of body parts when teaching children about their bodies. More specifically, when a child knows the proper name of their private body parts (i.e. penis, vagina, breasts, etc.) they are able to communicate more clearly with a trusted adult if someone touches or shows them private body parts.
2. We Clearly Discuss What is Private
Along with teaching our kids the proper names of all their body parts, we started using bath time or diaper changes as opportunities to teach our toddler about which body parts are private and what that means. In explaining what body parts are private, we continually talk about how no one should see or touch private parts unless it is Mom or Dad (or another caretaker) helping to clean or change a diaper or their doctor while Mom or Dad are in the room.
3. We Never Force Anything Physical
It has also been important for us to teach our children that their ‘NO’ matters when it comes to all physical touch, so we immediately stopped forcing or coaxing our son to give kisses or hugs to anyone, including ourselves. While my family is big on physical affection and we love hugging and kissing goodbye, it was important for us to communicate that consent matters and if he doesn’t want to kiss or hug someone goodbye, even if they are family, he doesn’t have to.
4. We Teach and Talk About Uncomfortable Feelings
We realized that we couldn’t expect our children to express what made them uncomfortable or scared if we didn’t teach them to understand and express a broad range of feelings, especially the uncomfortable and difficult ones. Our hope is that as we create space throughout our days to talk about difficult feelings, our children will be able to more easily verbalize instances where someone makes them feel unsafe or touches them inappropriately.
5. We Don’t Allow Secrets
In many cases of abuse, children are often asked to keep a secret in a very casual way, so we’ve established in our family that we don’t keep secrets. While the phrase, “It’s our little secret” is often used innocently among friends and family, we want to make sure that our children understand that as a family we don’t keep secrets and it’s important for them to share with us if anyone tells them to keep a secret, especially involving their bodies.
While we don’t do secrets in our family, we have talked about the difference between surprises and secrets so our children understand the difference.
6. We Empower Them to Speak Up if Something Feels Unsafe or Wrong
Teaching our kids to speak up when something feels wrong or uncomfortable includes discussing what those warning signs can feel like physically (like heart racing, sweaty, or an ‘icky’ tummy) and also how to respond. With our toddler, we continually remind him he is the boss of his own body and he can say, “No!” or “Stop!” or “Don’t touch my body!” if someone makes him feel unsafe by hitting, pushing, kicking, or by touching his private parts.
Lastly, when it comes to discussing and implementing “Body Safety Rules,” I believe it is so important for us to approach this topic not from a place of fear, but from a place of desiring to empower and equip our children to be safe. It is so easy for fear to overwhelm me when discussing or thinking about my children’s safety, but the Holy Spirit continually reminds me that God has not called us to parent from a place of fear, but from a place of confidence and trust in Him as we lean into Him for discernment, guidance and His supernatural peace.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)
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