Should Girls Ask Guys on Dates?

Moral Revolution Team

Dating, Single Life

Ladies, I’ve been there. You sit next to a cute guy and start up a conversation. You notice he has perfect teeth and he’s funny. This is going well. You start talking about what you did over the weekend and you say, “Just hung out with the girls. Yep, no boyfriend though… because I don’t have one, because I’m definitely single.” He nods his head and tells you about his own weekend. “That sounds fun,” you comment, and then reiterate just to make sure, “Yep, there’s not a boyfriend in sight. I am on the market. Available… Next Saturday actually.” He doesn’t seem to be picking up the cues.

What does a girl have to do to get a date? These kind of interactions bring us to the question:

“Should girls ask guys on dates?” 

We’ve gotten this question a few times, so we’re going to look at some ideas that might help answer it.

First of all, there’s a difference between initiation and pursuit. We believe God’s innate design is for a man to pursue a woman. God has placed it in a man to be the pursuer and to win the heart of the woman he is attracted to. Sometimes brokenness or past experiences can throw us off this track, but it is in our design. A relationship where the woman is doing all the pursuing will ultimately be unsatisfying for both parties. Men are designed to set their eyes on something valuable and fight for it. Women are designed to respond to the man who is willing to risk it all for her.

What we’ve seen though, is that many times girls will put the entire weight of initiating and pursuing on men’s shoulders, when this isn’t necessarily how it has to be.

Ladies, if you see a man you’re attracted to who has traits you admire, it’s okay to initiate some contact and put yourself in his world. Don’t be afraid to show that you’re interested. We have a few suggestions for this below, but just be your open and friendly self. It’s okay to be authentic to how you’re feeling and show that you like him. If he’s interested, he will start to show it as well and eventually start to pursue you. If he doesn’t, he may just not be interested, and that’s okay. You don’t want a man who’s not interested in you.

So here are few ideas from our team to help break the ice or make the first move. You can use all, some, or none of them, but the idea is to do whatever feels most like you and maybe gets you a little out of your comfort zone:

1. Say hello.

If you pass him, smile at him and say hello rather than looking away. This may not seem like ground-breaking advice for some people, but for those of us who would rather pretend we don’t see that super attractive man passing us in the hallway, this is a big step.

2. Initiate some conversation.

Ask him a question or give him a compliment to break the ice, start going out of your way a little to talk to him, and see what happens. You might even forget how to talk the first couple times (yep, I’ve been there), but it’s okay, you’ll figure out how to make sentences again in no time.

3. Invite him to a group hang-out.

Tell him he can bring friends as well. It’s always good to see how people interact in group settings.

4. Ask about relationships and his view on them.

This will at least get you on the subject of dating, and you can get a general idea of where he’s at.

5. Invite him out for coffee.

Coffee does not have to be a big deal. It can be an easy way to get to know someone without the pressure of a full on “date.”

6. Ask a friend to set you up.

If there is someone in your life who knows both of you, ask them to help you get connected.

7. Help him get in contact with you.

You can send him a friend request on Facebook, maybe throw a few “likes” or comments on his page, or for the really bold among us, you can slide in a gentle suggestion like: “Here’s my number, if you ever want to use it.”

The main thing we want to say is that no matter where you’re at, you don’t have to feel powerless in your dating life. Being a lady does not mean you have to sit and wait until a handsome gentleman notices you. If you feel stuck, you don’t have to be. If you want to get things moving a little more in your dating life, there are steps you can take. If you try some and they don’t work out, give yourself a high-five for being brave and taking a risk. As always, talk to God about the best steps to take in your dating life. He knows where you’re at and what you need, and He’s always thinking of your best.

For more information, check out some of our other blogposts on dating:

Date A Man Long Enough

For Her Eyes Only

19 Lies Churched Kids Believe About Dating

 

8 Responses to “Should Girls Ask Guys on Dates?”

  1. Ashlyn

    This is great! Unless you’re shy like me. And last time you tried to smile at a cute guy, you ran into a trash can. And eye contact terrifies you. Do they sell courage in a can or something?

  2. Anthony

    I think its mostly viewed as the man having to initiate and ask the girl on a date but as a man I think its totally cool if a girl asks a guy. I know sometimes we don’t pick up on clues very well haha so I’m sure in some cases that would really help to get the ball rolling but it is different and in that I think its pretty neat.

  3. Stephanie

    Wondering what scripture backs this statement:
    “Men are designed to set their eyes on something valuable and fight for it. Women are designed to respond to the man who is willing to risk it all for her.”

    Thanks

    • Moral Revolution

      Hey Stephanie,
      We are pulling from the example of Christ and the church. The Bible gives us imagery of the church being the bride of Christ. Here are a few examples:
      “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” -Ephesians 5:25
      “Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His Bride has made herself ready.” Revelation 19:7
      Throughout the Bible, God is the One pursuing us, fighting for us, and sacrificing for us, and as the church, we respond to Him: “We love because He first loved us.” -1 John 4:19.
      It also highlights men and women were created to be different: “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” -Genesis 1:27. Even in the example of Ephesians 5 above, Paul addresses men and women differently.
      Our heart is not to put men and women in a box, but to celebrate that we are designed differently, and empower both genders to be the best they can be as uniquely male and female. Hope that helps!

  4. KnkyXtian

    Thank you for writing this. I enjoyed it. I don’t agree with underlying tone of it but I do understand what you were trying to get across. We have always been told we should marry our best friend I expect my best friend to ask me to do things, “hey bro, want to go grab a beer?”, “What are you doing this weekend, I was thinking about going to this concert, want to go?” And because he asked me do I expect him to pay for my ticket, drinks, coffee or whatever? No, of course not. I would pay my own way. And I am pretty sure this runs the same way with woman who ask each other out for drinks or coffee. When it comes to the dating world I am starting to expect the same guidelines when asking out a woman I may be interested in.

    I have been in relationships where me being the guy is the provider, the leader just like you described above. I would love to have a woman ask me out and not throw “hints”, just because a woman may ask a man out does not change the dynamic of the relationship. And if all you do is throw these “hints” you are setting the tone for the rest of the relationship to be that same way. If that’s your cup of tea, awesome go for it. Just not for me and I honestly don’t see how this is healthy at all.
    If you like something or someone, EXPRESS it and don’t throw hints around hoping someone may pick up on it, if that’s what you are waiting for you are going to be continuously disappointed.

    • Moral Revolution

      We think it’s great for people to express how they feel about each other with clarity, not just “dropping hints.” For some women, one of these small gestures would actually be a big step for her. For other women, it may not be. It just depends on where she’s at. A lot of this can be up to you to figure out with God depending on where you’re at and what your relationship with the person is like.

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