Question
Are chick flicks and romantic comedies a pseudo-source for meeting emotional needs for a woman, in the same way that pornography is a pseudo-source for meeting the need for intimacy for a man? And do romantic comedies create unfair emotional expectations?
Sex Therapist’s Answer
It is true that chick flicks and romantic comedies can be a source of false intimacy for a woman, and they can create false expectations in a woman that a man can never meet. They can be an escape from the pain of a difficult relationship. If she is managing negative feelings by watching these movies then that would be a problem. But that would not be true for every woman who watches one of those movies.
Romantic comedies reveal the longing of a woman’s heart for intimacy and connection with a partner who will cherish and care for her. Those are good things. What she has to be careful of is expectations, rather than longings. The longings are legitimate, but the expectations are not. A person who views pornography can also be looking for intimacy, but as you say, it is a false intimacy. But pornography is different in several ways. The obvious way is that it is usually more graphically visual. This has its own set of problems. It objectifies women and men. Chick flicks and romantic comedies usually do not do this.
Pornography is not usually about connecting in any way, even though it is sexual. Pornography use can make a person less available emotionally. It is addictive. Even though a woman can manage negative feelings by watching these movies, I do not know of women who are addicted to them and having to enter rehab. There are relationship addictions however, which are sexual addictions, but that is not from watching movies. I think your questions are good ones along with the comparisons. But I think you are taking the comparison too far.
Team Note: You must pay attention to your heart. Your job is to steward your heart. There are some things that are acceptable in one season and not acceptable in another. Knowing your heart will allow you to fulfill what it’s deepest longing is. If you’re looking to be known, need physical touch, need hope, need entertainment, etc. you can clearly get what you’re needing without being misguided.
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I’ve found myself going through a heavy season for the past year, where i feel disconnected from God, and unable to connect with him. This leads to heaviness and in the end I find myself wanting to watch films, specifically chick flicks that i have cut out from my life since coming to christ, im from england, so most of these are american films, i enjoy watching american films as it makes me feel better. I’m starting to wonder after reading this blog whether i have been using these films as a fantasy to escape without realising.
Hi Becky,
I have been going through the same situation.
For a long time, I thought I was just a harmless movie buff but I’ve come to realize that movies have become an idol; I turn to them for comfort when I am emotionally distressed and unhappy instead of going to God. Movies have officially become an addiction and an idol in my life. Apart from that, they rob me of time I could have spent being productive.
I have started to make progress by acknowledging what they have become and have decided to put God first. That means I’ll go to him when I feel down. Movies may just be for entertainment once in a while or as rewards for hard work.