Co-Ruling and Co-Leading With Your Spouse

In my conservative, evangelical background, girls were raised to believe that we weren’t as important as men. Only men got the “good” gifts, like leadership and teaching. Our job as women was to teach children’s Sunday school and bake casseroles for various functions. We were taught to be silent and submissive, and never to question “God’s order” of things.


After marriage, my husband and I began attending a charismatic church where we were introduced to The 10 Lies the Church Tell Women by J. Lee Grady and Why Not Women? by Loren Cunningham, the founder of YWAM. Many of the Scriptures that had been used to teach submission were explained in the Greek, and they were not what we had been taught to believe.


We learned that Christ died to free women from every curse, even those brought on by the Fall (Gal. 3:13). God’s original plan for me was to co-lead and co-rule alongside my husband, and Christ died to restore that order (Gen. 1:26-28). For the first time in my life I felt affirmed—I was just as powerful and as important as a man! It took me a while to accept those truths. I felt rebellious just reading those books. “Submission” had been hammered in hard.


My husband had some un-learning to do, but with a minor in Women’s Studies, he was quick to champion me. He supported me as I led the prayer ministry at our church for seven years, designed an inner healing ministry (which turned out to be the most popular class at church), and eventually coordinated county prayer events under the National Day of Prayer. He now fervently backs women and violently opposes them marrying “below” themselves just to get a husband.


– Holly, 44, California, US

Aborting Fear


I never thought I’d be able to say this, but, here it is:

I understand why women have abortions.

Now, I’m not trying to get up on a soap box, to say I know it all – the pain, the confusion, the terror- but I am sharing my own experience, to try to bring a little understanding and compassion to the ones we will meet in our lives who may not see life the same way you or I do.

Early on in our marriage, my husband and I decided that I would discontinue our use of hormonal contraceptives, because its side effects were beginning to wear on both of us. Almost immediately, I felt “unprotected,” and I began living under fear: I was terrified of becoming pregnant. I was kicking and screaming inside against the idea that my life could suddenly change, and I might have to lay down my life- my hopes and dreams- to take care of someone that I didn’t really want.

Someone I wasn’t planning on.

Sounds harsh, doesn’t it?

I remember having my period come late one month and wondering, “What herbs might cause a miscarriage…?” You see, a “real” abortion was not an option on my list, but if it happened “accidentally,” well, then I wouldn’t be doing anything wrong! I was overwrought with fear, anxiety, haunting thoughts… I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I was terrified of what would happen to my life, if I was pregnant.

What was motivating these thoughts?


A lack of trust in God.

I didn’t trust that God would have my best interests in mind by blessing me with a child, therefore, “my life would be ruined” if I got pregnant.

If I, a sold-out, God-fearing Christian in a healthy, vibrant marriage can feel this way, can you imagine what the rest of world might feel like? I can go to Him for comfort, for help, for perspective and truth. But where do you go if you feel there are no hands holding your world? Especially if you’ve been raped, abused, are in an unhealthy relationship, or if things are really complicated?

You do what you can to protect yourself.

Those who have abortions may say that they’re being powerful, steering their lives even. But what if, they’re actually just scared and vulnerable, in need of a protective, providing Father?

Think about it.

The next time you begin to pray “against” abortion, stop. Consider changing your tactic. Instead, pray for the ones who are considering them. Pray for the men and women who need comfort, courage, strength, and a revelation of God’s constant care for all of His children. Pray for truth. Pray for hope. Pray for the root of the matter — their hearts.