Dreaming About My Husband: Is it Really a Good Idea?


I am wondering if it’s not so good to imagine my husband, our honeymoon night and stuff like that. It just stirs me more to live for purity with the future in mind.




This is something that I think a lot of girls think about and something that plenty of us struggle with. We as women tend to be more futuristic about who we will marry. We are exposed to so many “fairytale” stories and movies, that we long for our very own story as well.

I think that having vision for the future is definitely important and it provokes us to make choices that will ultimately get us to where we are going. When in a season of being single, envisioning your spouse can give you hope and strength to endure. A quote we hear from one of the pastors in our culture is vision gives pain a purpose. Being single may or may not be painful but any process to get what we deeply desire isn’t always easy. Having vision keeps you hopeful. Check out the link below and read how Webster’s dictionary defines “vision“. One definition is this: “The act or power of anticipating that which will or may come to be: prophetic vision.”

On the contrary, there are ways in our thinking where we can easily slip into fantasy. We begin to create situations and scenarios in our mind that conjure up emotion and even sexual fantasy. This can be dangerous for us to do. It can become a place of comfort that we resort to, to escape reality. This can become one way in which we awaken love before it’s time. Like I mentioned before; dreaming about the future is a beautiful thing and keeps your desires in front of you. However, consider that it may not be very beneficial for you to be stirring up feelings you cannot currently fulfill.


Here are some questions you can be asking yourself:

Do I find myself fantasizing about the future and have trouble focusing on the now?
Am I longing for my spouse so much that I feel anxious?
Do I stir up myself sexually thinking about being with my future spouse?
What can I focus on now that will get me to where I envision?
What does it look like to embrace my season of “singleness”?

It is so important to dream and have vision for your future.
A man without vision perishes. On the flip side you don’t want the future to consume your thoughts so much that you cannot embrace what’s in front of you. Consider Nehemiah, he chose to focus on the “wall” in front of him and built that “wall” even when criticism and opposition came. Nehemiah had vision and God strengthened him to be faithful with what he had before him.

It is an incredible thing to long for God’s best and have an idea of who he will be. The truth is God does have the best for you. It will be wonderful. Use this time you have now to picture the kind of woman you want to be and be proactive in going after those things. Some examples could be:

Growing in your spiritual walk
Writing out a dream list: I want to be known as a woman who…
Discovering what your love languages are; how you best receive and give love


Here are some great resources for you. We encourage you to check these out:

1. “The Stirring” is a young adults church in our city and the pastor rocks messages on being single, dating, marriage and sex. These podcasts are my absolute favorite. The series is called Under the Chuppah

2. “Captivating By Stasi Elderedge, a book on unveiling the mystery of a woman’s soul. Read the following excerpt by clicking on the link.

3. “The Five Love languages (Singles Edition) By Gary Chapman. It is important as singles to know how we emotionally and physically best receive love. This book will equip you in your relationships to love the way your wired and how to love the one your with well.

4. Moral Revolution will enable you to keep hope and vision for the man of your dreams alive, while giving you tools to managing your desires, navigating your heart and equipping you to be the woman he desires.

5. The Naked Truth About Sexuality will give you perspective on why’s and how’s of the waiting process, helping you understand and celebrate God’s design for sex and marriage.

You have the Spirit of the living God inside of you. You have what it takes to manage your thoughts. We are super excited for the journey God is taking you on. You will be rocking your purity and dreaming about your future, while keeping your heart alive by monitoring your thoughts. We speak blessing over your life and much grace for the process.

Co-Ruling and Co-Leading With Your Spouse

In my conservative, evangelical background, girls were raised to believe that we weren’t as important as men. Only men got the “good” gifts, like leadership and teaching. Our job as women was to teach children’s Sunday school and bake casseroles for various functions. We were taught to be silent and submissive, and never to question “God’s order” of things.


After marriage, my husband and I began attending a charismatic church where we were introduced to The 10 Lies the Church Tell Women by J. Lee Grady and Why Not Women? by Loren Cunningham, the founder of YWAM. Many of the Scriptures that had been used to teach submission were explained in the Greek, and they were not what we had been taught to believe.


We learned that Christ died to free women from every curse, even those brought on by the Fall (Gal. 3:13). God’s original plan for me was to co-lead and co-rule alongside my husband, and Christ died to restore that order (Gen. 1:26-28). For the first time in my life I felt affirmed—I was just as powerful and as important as a man! It took me a while to accept those truths. I felt rebellious just reading those books. “Submission” had been hammered in hard.


My husband had some un-learning to do, but with a minor in Women’s Studies, he was quick to champion me. He supported me as I led the prayer ministry at our church for seven years, designed an inner healing ministry (which turned out to be the most popular class at church), and eventually coordinated county prayer events under the National Day of Prayer. He now fervently backs women and violently opposes them marrying “below” themselves just to get a husband.


– Holly, 44, California, US

10 Warning Signs You Might Cross The Line

Staying faithful to my wife was a solemn promise I made to her before God.

I utterly intended to keep that promise to the end of our days. I lived without doubt that nothing could ever tempt me to do otherwise.  I never went looking for ‘trouble’ and thought I was aware when ‘trouble’ was looking for me…and believed I was always avoiding it.

The vast majority of good people who betray their marriages never see it coming. Many establish clear, healthy boundaries and have no desire to stray, in fact, their marriage is one of the highest priorities of their lives.

That was my story. Totally. 

I enlisted trusted friends to ask hard questions to help me stay accountable. And, over the years, my wife, Caron, and I often talked openly about our marriage being a prime target (actually every marriage is a target) because we believed there is an enemy seeking to kill, steal and destroy our relationship with God, our witness for Christ, and out to rob us of the true joy God designed for us to experience in our marriages.

So what happened?

Actually, a whole slew of things contributed, and at a future time we’ll talk about: how to know your own state of vulnerability to tempting conditions, how we often contribute to our own emotional burdens making ourselves more susceptible, lies we believe that contribute to our deception, unhealthy personality patterns that diminish our marital and relational capacities, and entitlement. Entitlement is a subtle driver with a powerful engine for certain personality types. It’s the “I deserve a break today” mentality that seems to play a major role for people who experience moral failure. 

In this blog we want to talk about how to catch yourself before a random encounter, casual acquaintance, innocent friendship or working relationship even comes close to crossing the line. 

Here are some warning signs you should NEVER EVER ignore: 

1. When you start to notice you are not telling your spouse about certain conversations you are having with another person.


2. When you notice the other person avoids your spouse, makes no effort to include your spouse in a friendship with you or you avoid bringing your spouse into your interactions with the other person.


3.  When you begin to feel this other person may be paying attention or listening to you with more empathy than your spouse has lately.  They may say certain things to you that stroke your ego, things like:

“I’ve never met someone with such wisdom and insight as you. I so admire and respect the work you do. You really are one amazing person.”


“Wow! You look especially good today. Have you been losing weight? And what’s that great perfume you’re wearing?” 


“Hey, you doing okay? I’ve really been worried about you. You’ve been working so hard lately. Anything I can do to help?”


“Do you think we could be better friends?” 

 4.  When you begin discussing marital problems with this other person, either theirs or yours.


5.  You avoid discussing your marriage with the other person (as if it doesn’t exist) or, if they are married, you notice they avoid talking about their spouse.


6.  When you begin making excuses to yourself like: “Nothing to worry about here. There’s no harm in just talking.” Or, “I’m really strong. Nothing about this person is going to feel attractive to me. I have this totally under control.” Or, “We have a lot of work to discuss. No big deal if we grab a bit of lunch first.”


7.  When you do begin to feel some type of attraction toward this person.


8.  When you begin to confide in this person in areas normally reserved for your spouse.


9.  When it feels easier to spend time with this other person than with your spouse.


10.  When you start to notice this person positioning themself to be near you, making excuses to see you privately, appealing to your compassion by “keeping you in the loop” of some troubling personal issue or they “over-serve” or keep seeking to help or assist you in demonstrative or ingratiating ways.

If ANY of the above situations are currently playing with your head, then ADMIT that those mysterious brain chemicals are starting to get overwhelming and GET OUT of there immediately.

If you have friendships with members of the opposite sex OR same sex … and you want to avoid situations that could lead in an unhealthy direction make sure you include your spouse in the relationship (in some form or another) from the get-go.  This is probably your safest deterrent.

NOTE: Any time a person is uninterested or unwilling to be a “friend of your marriage” they are no friend of yours! 

And when we do not involve our spouse or even begin to keep the slightest “secret” from them we’re already in trouble.

If you want to put your spouse at ease, able to trust you with the other people in your life, make sure your spouse is a part of those relationships. 

It may sound outdated but, when we are married, all our friendships should be open and shared. They should involve both you and your spouse on some healthy level. 

If, for some reason, you don’t feel a need to make your spouse a part of a “friendship” you have with someone you need to deeply question what your true objective is for maintaining that relationship and make a beeline to talk with a counselor or trusted, accountable friend.


David Loveless is a mentor/coach, pastor to pastors and strategic, spiritual advisor to churches and businesses in over 50 countries. He served as founding pastor of Discovery Church, Orlando, Fl for 29 years. During that time Discovery was identified in Dr. John Vaughn’s book as one of “America’s Most Influential Churches” and was named as one of the Fastest Growing U.S. Churches in the 21st Century by Outreach Magazine. David and his wife Caron are parents of three sons and are the grandparents of their seven delightfully energized children. For more from David and Caron Loveless, visit www.youlivetrue.com.

Waiting for Mr. Right

All the single ladies, put your hands up!


Oh hay, I see you wavin’ your hands over there like you just don’t care (even though I know you totally do). Don’t you worry baby girl, even when you feel totally invisible to the male species, I see you.

Hands up again: How many of you are still waiting for a glimpse of the infamous, mythical Mr. Right? (Hey, you can’t raise your hand if you’re already married! Them’s the rules.)

Sure, I know what you’re thinking: He’s the unicorn of mankind. He’s like a good Nicolas Cage movie; a humble Kanye West; the holy grail of the female conquest for love.

In other words, He just doesn’t exist.

But what if he does?

It all depends on how you define “right”. For some, it’s someone who is fitting, appropriate, complementary. For others, it’s perfection. English is such a tricky language sometimes.

Let me tell you something: I’m a notorious perfectionist, so my biggest fear is having standards that are way too high. Not only must he have impeccable taste in everything, he must also have a more than basic understanding of proper grammar, an affinity with children, a solid family, a great sense of humor, be a creative genius and love cats.

Do you know how hard that is to find? I’m sure you do. Because if you’re anything like me, you have a long list of “must-haves” and “wants” and won’t settle for anything less than the best.

But what if I don’t really know what’s best for me? I may know what I want, but I don’t necessarily know what I need. Have you ever been thrown into a new job without much training? Sometimes you don’t have the questions to ask until you get there. You don’t know what you need until you’re in the thick of it.

Finding a life partner can be very much like that. I’m not a serial dater per se, but I’m also not against getting to know people who seem interesting to me. My motto used to be, “everyone deserves an opportunity to prove how wonderful they are.” I went on dates, got to know what I wanted, got to know what I needed (often uncomfortably) and found out what I just can’t live without.

So far, I haven’t met someone who has satisfied that last part, but I’m gaining a better understanding of what’s really right for me. Most likely not an exact replica of me, my tastes, my perspectives, or my dreams but probably someone I never saw coming. Someone different, challenging, intriguing. Imperfect, even.

My question is this: What if we threw out the lists and just listened to our hearts?

Don’t get me wrong. I love writing lists. I love seeing what’s in my heart and putting language to my desires, but it shouldn’t stop there. Once you know that what’s in there, let it lead you where it may. But understand that what makes someone perfect for you is how much they fill in the gaps you didn’t see, how they understand you in the oddest moments, and how they surprise you with their whims. So girls, put your hands down, your pen away, and start listening.

You never know, Mr. Right may become Mr. Real in no time at all.


-Leah Sookoo, Intern

11 Questions to Ask Before You Start Dating


“What are the things I can go after now as a single to prepare me for marriage? What do I need to be looking for in a future spouse?”

 We sat down as a team for 3 hours and came up with 11 questions we think would be great for you to consider before you jump into dating.

 1. Do I know who I am?

This question is one ALL of us are discovering and rediscovering on a daily basis, but as a general overview, here are things you might want to know about yourself:

I know who (whose) I am in Christ. We are sons/daughters of God through Christ. We are 100% fully loved, accepted, chosen, restored, redeemed and saved. We have everything we need and will never lack anything because we have a loving Father who gives freely to His children.

I know how to give love to others and how I need to receive love from others.
I know what I love and what makes me come alive.
I know what my core values are and practice living by them.
I know my needs and my wants.
I know my strengths and weaknesses.
I know how to dream for my future.
I am in touch with my heart (aka feelings, emotions, what my heart, mind or body needs).

2. Do I know how to communicate?

Learning and knowing how to communicate what you think, feel, and need will be one of the greatest relational skills you acquire. Since we communicate with our words, facial expressions, tone of voice, and even our body language, we must learn to become people who communicate well. When you are hurt, rejected, or disappointed you will know how to get out what you are feeling so that manipulation, guilt trips, self-pity, and sarcasm (passive-aggressiveness) will not be weapons you reach for when in conflict.

3. Do I know what my boundaries are and how to keep them?

Do you have emotional boundaries? Do you have physical boundaries? Do you have a plan to keep those boundaries in place? Are you willing to respect the boundaries of others? Knowing your limitations (and those of who you’re dating) is an avenue to “protect and preserve” an individual and/or relationship. Figure out what your boundaries are now and own them. Don’t wait to hear what your girlfriend/boyfriend’s boundaries are and then decide what yours will be.

4. Do I have a vision for my life and a plan to get there?

This question is referring to personal character and growth, dreams, and your life calling. Do you know the person you want to be? Do you know the life you want to have? What dreams do you want to live out? Do you know how to accomplish these things or where to find an answer? If there are certain things that are important to you (where you want to live, the job you want to have, how many children you want, etc) then it will make dating easier because you know the kind of life partner you need to partner with. For example, if you are a very driven person and the person you are dating is not then that could be an area of conflict down the road. We’re not saying it never works, we’re just giving you a heads up so you’re not blindsided once the honeymoon is over.

5. Do I have community in my life?

Community is a necessity in our lives. We need people to “do life with.” It’s through relationships that we are held accountable, challenged, experience love, and subsequently grow. We need most (if not all) of the relational roles filled in our lives. Here are some things to ask yourself about your community:

Do I have people in my life that know me and I know them? (moms/dads/mentors, brothers/sisters/peers, church fellowship, small groups, home church family, etc)
Am I intentional about who I am doing life with? (Are there people in my life who love me and challenge me?)
Am I believed in, encouraged and guided to answers? Do I ask for feedback and correction?
Do I know how to ask for help?
Do we know how to have fun with each other? Do we laugh and have adventures together?

6. What does my relationship with Jesus look like?

Do I know Him intimately?  Have you accepted Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior? If you haven’t, would you like to? If you have, how are you growing in that relationship? Do you spend time with Jesus? Do you believe He speaks to you? Do you listen for what He has to say? Are you in dialogue with Him and doing life with Him on a daily basis? How does He speak to you?

7. Do I have a teachable spirit and can I humbly receive feedback (even when it hurts)?

This question might be easy to answer now, but think back to times people have confronted you about how you affect them, a room, or a group of people. How did you respond? Even though it’s difficult, being a “teachable” person can cause your personal character to grow and your relationships to grow immensely. Humility is a necessity for growth.

8. Am I responsible and do I know how to take care of things?

Responsibility: the state or fact of being responsible, answerable, or accountable for something within one’s power, control, or management.  This one is sort of a no-brainer. Is your life in order? By life I mean, is your thought life, finances, laundry, house, schedule, etc. in order or are you a hot mess that jumps from one thing to another? Can people depend on you to do what you say you are going to do?  Do you show up on time?  Can people trust you? This is what we mean by, are you responsible?

9. Do I know how to serve? Do I practice putting other’s needs above my own?

Do you walk into a relationship and look for ways to give or do you expect everyone to serve you? Within a healthy context, serving another person is one of the highest forms of love. It can sometimes look like compromising to come to an agreement or doing something you wouldn’t normally do because it brings life/joy to another person. Many days serving looks like sacrifice. Note: Please understand that compromising your core values is not serving. Giving and serving one another within relationship is a give and take. One person should not be the only one practicing this concept.

10. Do I honor and respect people?

Honor: high respect, as for worth, merit, or rank; to show a courteous regard for. Do you know how to value other people, even when they are different from you? Showing other people kindness, value, and love is the mark of a person who looks outside of themselves, or their status, to see other people’s hearts. If someone doesn’t treat others with honor and respect, they most likely will not treat you with honor and respect. Here’s a tip: watch how they treat their waiter/waitress. Watch how they treat their parents. These things reveal a lot about a person.

11. Do I know how to forgive people and ask forgiveness? Or do I keep “short accounts?”

No one likes to be hurt, and it can be even harder to ask for forgiveness when you’re the one who did the hurting. However, forgiveness left unattended is a wide open door for bitterness to take root, causing people to disconnect spiritually/relationally from one another. Forgiveness means restoring the standard to what the relationship was meant to be before the “mistake” was made. It means letting go and not holding the “mistake” over someone’s head. Do you know how to forgive, bless, and release people when they have hurt or wronged you? Do you know how to say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong, will you forgive me?” even if you believe you’ve done nothing wrong? This is part of walking in humility, as well as seeking connection and love over being right.

These are just the tip of the iceberg when considering how to be a healthy individual/dater. We are all on a journey and none of us have life figured out but the two most important questions you will every answer in your life are:

Will I believe in Jesus and commit my life to Him?
Who will I marry and commit my life to?

Becoming a healthy individual and not settling for an unhealthy spouse will create healthy marriages that restore the standard of what family life looks like in the world today.  Let’s get to it people!

– Amanda Zentz (Intern)

19 Lies Churched Kids Believe About Dating


There are mindsets that many people in the church are walking around with that labels dating as “unhealthy”. We want to expose the common lies that come out of this mindset, and replace it with truth and scripture.  We hope that this blog will be a catalyst in renewing your mind so you can begin to step into healthy/whole living.

Here are 19 common lies our team has identified, and some truths to send those lies packing!

Lie #1: If I go on one date it will lead to marriage.

Truth: One date does not have to end in marriage. You have the freedom to choose what happens after one date. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6

Lie #2: If I date someone and it doesn’t end in marriage, I’ve failed.

Truth: Marriage does not equal success. Loving yourself well and someone else does. You are not a failure if a relationship doesn’t work out. “Behold, I am doing a new thing;
 now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? 
I will make a way in the wilderness
 and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19

Lie #3: I will never get over the heartbreak of losing someone.

Truth: God is with us in our pain and heartbreak. He never leaves us. His promise is to heal the brokenhearted. “He heals the brokenhearted
 and binds up their wounds.” Psalms 174:3 “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
 and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalms 34:18

Lie #4: If I go on a date, I must give them something in return. (ie, sex)

Truth: You don’t “owe” another person anything for taking you on a date. The things we are commanded to show people is love. ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Mark 12:31). What does love look like? “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Lie #5: My sex drive is too high and I won’t be able to control myself.

Truth: There is nothing wrong with a high sex drive. The goal is to learn how to manage it. You’ve been given the mind of Christ to discover how that works for you.  “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

Lie #6: I must have a certain financial status to be ready to date.

Truth: Money does not make relationships succeed. It’s character, commitment, respect, and love that contribute to a healthy dating relationship. “For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

Lie #7: Dating is a part of the story that God never intended.

Truth: Our entire life is a beautiful story that God has created. With every shortcoming and victory, He has called us His beloved and no story He created is ever cheap. “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10

Lie #8: Dating is un-biblical.

Truth: God created us to be in relationship with one another. He created man and woman to be in relationship with one another. Dating is a way to get to know one another on a deeper level. Dating is also a personal choice. If you choose to date, you aren’t sinning. If you choose to date you are choosing to practice loving someone well. “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” John 13:34

Lie #9: If I choose to date someone, I could miss out on someone else.

Truth: We cannot mess up the plans of God. God works everything out and uses it all. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Lie #10: There is only one person on the planet for me.

Truth: God gives us the freedom to choose all things in life. Ultimately He knows who it will be, but we get to choose who that person is. “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

Lie #11: I won’t be lonely when I’m dating or in a committed relationship.

Truth: Dating doesn’t fix your problems. The same way marriage doesn’t fix your problems. Being in a relationship actually can highlight unhealthy patterns in a person’s life. However, becoming the healthiest “you” will contribute to your dating life. Expecting someone else to fix your loneliness will not end well. The truth is God is always with us. He never leaves us and we are fully accepted by Him. “Where shall I go from your Spirit?
 Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
 If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning
 and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me,
 and your right hand shall hold me.” Psalms 139:7-10

Lie #12: There will be a “divine heavenly sign” pointing me to date someone.

Truth: Although this may be true for some, the bigger truth is that we have the power, freedom, free will, and wisdom to choose a dating partner/spouse for ourselves. “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Lie #13: All the “good” men and women are taken.

Truth: In God there is no lack. He is the God of abundance. “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor.
 No good thing does he withhold
 from those who walk uprightly.” Psalms 84:11

Lie #14: I have to do all I can to keep the person I’m with so they won’t leave me for someone else. (ie, have sex with them, compromise my core values, give up my dreams, etc.)

Truth: Who you are is valuable. If the person you are with does not respect you or the boundaries you have set up, then they are not loving you well. It’s your responsibility to protect the value of who you are, and that means being with someone who values you as well. “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Lie #15: Dating will fulfill all of my needs and I will be happy all the time.

Truth: Another person cannot meet all of your needs and make you happy 100% of the time. You must cultivate your own happiness through your identity in Christ and your relationship with Him. Knowing you are a beloved son/daughter of God should be your foundation; from there life flows. Everything else becomes a bonus. “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

Lie #16: I am not complete unless I am dating or married.

Truth: No one else can complete you. God gives us our name and our identity. “For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete.” Colossians 2:10

Lie #17: I am not a whole person because I have dated (and given parts of myself away) or because I have not dated.

Truth: If you have dated, it doesn’t make you better or worse. If you haven’t dated, it doesn’t make you better or worse. Point is, dating is a choice! “So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.” Romans 14:12 and check out all of Romans 14.

Lie #18: I don’t have what it takes to date or pursue a relationship.

Truth: You are fully equipped with Christ to do everything you set out to do. He gives us strength, power, and love.  “Now may the God of peace … equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever.” Hebrews 13:21

Lie #19: I am not worthy of pursuing a partner who challenges or scares me.

Truth: You have been called a worthy son or daughter. “Even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.” Ephesians 1:4-6 and check out, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

If any of the above lies felt familiar you have the power to break agreements with those lies today! All you have to do is repent for the lies you have believed and replace them with God’s truth.  It could look something like this …

“Lord, I’m sorry for believing the lie that (Insert lie).  I repent and break all agreements that I made willingly or unwillingly with that lie and I send it to you Jesus to be dealt with. I believe, receive, and declare your word of truth over my life God and that truth is (insert truth here).”

The lies listed above are just a few. What are some lies you’ve struggled with? Have you discovered God’s truth that replaces each of them?  How has your life been differenct since you’ve sent those lies packing?

– Amanda Zentz (Intern)

Single and Hating It?

There are a couple things every single person needs to know in order to thrive while single

1. If you are waiting on a husband or wife to be happy, then you’ve already began worshiping an idol that will never satisfy.


You and your spouse will be different people. You will not have all the same preferences. You will not carry all the same opinions. You will even have different passions at times. Your spouse will never be able to provide the stability, provision, comfort or protection that God offers us.

If you establish that truth in your heart today, while single, you will save yourself years of disappointment and fear that may harm, or even destroy, your marriage. For myself, as a child, my parents were all those things for me. Then I became a teenager and realized they didn’t have the resources I’d thought they did; they couldn’t offer me everything I needed. When I went to college I realized my friends couldn’t even be the comfort and stability I wanted them to be. When I later moved from Ohio to California, I became convinced that now, thousands of miles from anything familiar, if God wasn’t all of those things for me, I would fall flat on my face, and quickly! But He was. And that revelation has saved me.


2. If you are waiting for “the one” to arrive, my first question to you would be, “Are you more focused on ‘finding the one’ than ‘becoming the one’?”


Keep in mind, you are not alone in this boat. Both men and women search for someone who makes their heart leap, who carries so many of the qualities in the wife or husband that they’ve always dreamed of, and who they’re inspired by. Dreaming of your future spouse is not a bad thing. In fact, it can be motivational in your personal growth journey.

I often think of qualities that I admire in people and apply them to my future husband. These thoughts remind me of what I’m waiting for. They remind me that becoming a woman that responds well in conflict, that chooses not to punish with a bad attitude or the silent treatment will be well worth the energy. They remind me that becoming a woman who loves intentionally and chooses to communicate in conflict (rather than avoid it), honors both Jesus and my husband. Whenever I start to long for my future husband, I remind myself that I would do all of those things for Jesus for the rest of my life, even if it was only for Him, because I have never felt so free and alive in my life.

Stop waiting on something to change to become a joyful, life-giving, beautiful human being. There is no convenient season to be joyful. You’ll either choose it now, or you won’t.


– Anna Weygandt (Intern)

Top Dating FAQ’s


In a society where one-night stands are the norm, and relationships are regarded as disposable, how should we approach dating? Is it normal? Is it healthy? Keep reading to find answers to our most frequently asked questions about dating.


Moral Revolution would give courting and dating the same definition. Oftentimes, men and women choose to date without giving any thought to marriage, and this is where we see people make messes. In their eyes, dating is done solely for recreation and with no thought for future consequences.

We, however, suggest that dating is a stage that couples explore on their road to marriage. (These stages include friendship, dating, engagement and marriage.) In this second stage, couples intentionally spend time together to get to know each other and test compatibility. This can happen in group settings or one-on-one interactions.


Healthy dating looks like a healthy man and a healthy woman figuring out if they want to put a bow on their friendship, called marriage. In short, a dating relationship can’t be healthy unless both parties are healthy. By healthy, we mean both parties know who they are, have worked out their past baggage, have been walking in purity, are known in community and live a full life.

In this phase of the relationship, these two people focus on learning about each other and enjoying each other in such a way that if they did not continue on to engagement, they could end their relationship in an honoring and safe way.

Dating should consist of lots of fun, clear communication, building trust, conflict resolution, and sharing of each other’s worlds including home life, family upbringing, core beliefs, work ethic, character, and life goals and ambitions.

We do not recommend that you talk about all these things on the first date. We do not recommend that you try to figure out if he/she is “the one” on the first date. There is no set time frame for how long couples should stay in the dating stage. Our advice would be, take your time, you’re not in a hurry. Don’t try to fast-forward the process.

Try to think about dating as a time of discovery.



The idea of two people being preordained for each other is Biblical and can be accurate. It can be revealed to them through a prophecy, dream, etc., specifically identifying whom they should marry. If this happens, both parties in the relationship need to receive a word from God for themselves. Once both parties receive a word, they should share it with their leaders, mentors, spiritual parents, friends, etc., and get feedback so that they are not isolated with this directional word. Isolation is no one’s friend and has caused many people a lot of heartache.

Moral Revolution believes that for the majority of people, any man could make a marriage work with any woman (and vice versa), however, there are some couples that are more compatible (based on strengths, personality, culture, life calling, etc.) than others. Either way, it is important to keep in mind that marriage is a continual pursuit of your partner. We believe that someone “becomes the one” when you marry them. Your decision to love them, make commitment and make covenant for the rest of your life is powerful and important decision. God honors the covenants that you make. However, it’s still your choice to make and God would never force anyone to do something they did not want to do.

To conclude, the question of “the one” can go either way. It can work for certain people but for the majority of the 7 billion people on the planet, it comes down to choice. Even though God is sovereign He has given us each a free will to choose and who we marry is a powerful decision that affects every area of our life. So I would say choose wisely, get counsel, pray, and know who you are and what you need/want in life and in a life partner.


God gave us an opportunity to use dating as a time to explore ourselves as well as other people. It’s important to realize that if we’re not a full person, we’re not going to attract one. If you’re looking for someone to complete you, make you happy, solve your problems of loneliness and pain, then you’re probably not ready to date anyone. Only God can truly fulfill those areas. We all have a spot in us designed for God and God alone (sometimes referred to as the God Spot). Yes, we are meant to be in community and meant to be in relationship with others but if you’re relying on people too much for fulfillment, you may have put others in your God spot. This can lead into codependent behavior, manipulation, depression, anxiety, etc. as it’s impossible for them to consistently meet all of your needs. Make sure God is where He should be first before you seek intimacy with others. Remember, dating is about learning to give, not just receiving. If you feel confident that you’re going to God first to satisfy many of your needs, you’re ready to get out there and start pursuing healthy relationships.


There aren’t any hard and fast rules around age limit and dating. We just want to be careful if there’s a huge divide in maturity and life experience. The question isn’t really if it is right or wrong, but if it is healthy. It used to be the norm for an older man to be with a younger woman. But in our culture, that has changed.

What we typically think when we see a younger woman with an older man is that she either wants the security that an older man gives her, or she has father issues and wants a father. Both of these scenarios are intimacy avoidance – they keep you from having real intimacy. However, this does not have to be the case – there are very healthy relationships where the man is older and the woman is younger. The same could be true for a younger man paired with an older woman.

It would be good to know why you are attracted to someone much older or younger than you. Is it that you truly love the person and they happen to be the age they are? Or are you avoiding intimacy? Are you trying to live out a fantasy? Are you trying to fill a void of parental love and affection? Rather than looking at rules, you need to understand why you are attracted to older (or younger) men or women. Be completely honest with yourself. It could be perfectly healthy and you could have a long term wonderful relationship.


Moral Revolution believes that God put an internal line in each of us, that tells us what is/is not appropriate regarding our sexual choices. No one can draw your “line” for you; it is determined by what turns you on, and what your personal convictions are. Though the Bible does not explicitly describe what kind of physical behaviors are acceptable before marriage, it does give us wisdom. Song of Solomon 2:7  warns us not to “stir up a love (don’t excite your body, don’t go there), until the time is right and you can see it through.”

There’s nothing more tortuous than getting all hot and bothered and having to strain against your entire being, the way you were designed, and stop what you desperately want to follow through to completion. This is why our one concrete suggestion is that you learn what your point of arousal is, and save it for your wedding night.

Many people try to push the envelope and go as far as they can, physically, without having sex. We would suggest that if purity, holiness, and honoring yourself, your future husband, your marriage, and God with your body, soul, and spirit is something you have decided to do, then it seems like you would want to do whatever it takes to protect that decision. Playing the “how far is too far card” is like playing with fire.

One last thought: When it comes to defining “the line” in your relationship, whoever has the most sensitive boundaries in the relationship is the one who defines what happens. For example, if one of you is comfortable with kissing, and the other isn’t, then kissing is not permitted in your relationship. Be sensitive to one another and protect each other as you choose your physical boundaries.


The first step is to repent, and truly make a heart transition. You can say that you want to stop and change, but until there is godly sorrow in you, your repentance will not bear fruit. Next, you must evaluate your vision and core values. You both need to get on the same page; what do you want your relationship to look like? If one person wants to abstain from sex while the other doesn’t, it’s going to be difficult to respect each other’s boundaries and fight for the vision that you have.

If you want to abstain from sex because you think it’s “the right thing to do” but don’t know why, you probably won’t have much motivation to abstain. You need to be deeply committed to protecting yourself and your significant other. You need know your value and know who you are in God. Know that you were made to be loved, treasured and adored, and that real covenant is worth the fight. Believe that you are worth waiting for. Believe that you have something to offer someone other than your body. Make sure you align with your significant other in the area of core values and if you don’t, take some time to reflect on the vision you have for your future marriage or relationship.

Start establishing healthy and appropriate boundaries. Be real with one another. If you can’t be alone together without things getting too intimate, it’s time to start hanging out in groups or in public places. Be honest with what works and what doesn’t. If you consistently keep pushing things too far, bring in some accountability so that people can help you both get on track. When you have people rooting for you who believe in your relationship, it can be the motivation you need to make wise choices and say no. Remember that there’s no shame or guilt here and we all make messes. The question is, how are you going to clean up that mess?


While it is normal to want to use our bodies to bond, it is important to have a healthy connection outside of a physical relationship. Having a highly sexual relationship with someone dominates your ability to build trust and connection naturally and healthily, and makes it difficult to really see that person clearly.

Healthy of connection is built over time through various experiences with the person you are dating. Intentionally experience them in different environments; what are they like at church compared to home? With their family compared to their friends? You can learn a lot about a person just by watching them; you’ll see if they are stable, mature, integrous or trustworthy.

While many people feel that their strongest attachment to their boyfriend or girlfriend is their physical relationship, talking, having fun and doing everyday things together are the best ways to build an intimate connection and trust. Take risks with each other to share what you are afraid of, what hurts you, what you’ve been through. Allow them to really see you, and respond. When another human responds to you with deep understanding and compassion, connection is inevitable. Share your needs with one another, and take care of each other. Learn each other’s love languages and start  “speaking them” to each other. Practice communicating. Learn to apologize and make things right.  Learn how to keep each other safe; physically, emotionally and spiritually. Don’t push each other’s boundaries (physically or emotionally), but instead, be kind to one another and be patient. If you practice these things, you’ll be well on your way to a vibrant, safe, intimate relationship.


Physical affection is one of our basic, human needs. It is also one of the ways God created us to bond with another person, so it is natural that we want to be physically affectionate with the person we are dating. The best way to make sure that your physical affection is lust-free is to honor the boundaries you two have decided on. What turns them/you on? Avoid doing anything that will push their emotions too high. You don’t need to refrain from all things. For example, you’d be surprised how far a back rub or cuddle goes for someone whose love language is physical touch. Be honest with your intentions; if you feel yourself trying to take, rather than give, you may be listening to lust.

If your significant other’s needs seem insatiable, they most likely have a different need that must be met. Once we get our spiritual and emotional needs met, our physical needs tend to quiet down. This may seem unlikely, but it’s absolutely true.  Know this one thing: you are not responsible to meet all their needs. They must get what they need, spirit, soul and body, from a variety of sources.

Challenge one another to keep your thought life clean and pure by teaching yourself to think of other things whenever an “out of bounds” thought pops into your head. Do other activities together, rather than sit alone in your house watching a movie. Get outside, go for a bike ride together, go mini golfing, etc. and connect on different levels while remaining active.


One thing you shouldn’t ask or do: “Tell me everything and all of your sexual history.” Asking questions or divulging too much too soon can sometimes not help satisfy curiosity and wondering. First thing, don’t drudge through their baggage or load too much of your own onto their back. Ask the person what they want to know because not everyone wants to know everything in your past.

With that said, if you want to develop emotional intimacy, trust and connection with someone, sharing your struggles and history is a way to build that. If you’re not ready to take your relationship further then think about which stories you can share that aren’t emotionally vulnerable for you to do so. For example, if I used to struggle with pornography but I don’t anymore, I could share that with someone so that they can get to know me and my past without the possibility of pain and feelings of rejection if they don’t respond well. If I’m currently struggling with pornography and it’s a sore spot for me, I might only want to share that with someone until I’ve developed trust and connection with them. If they don’t respond well, I might want to take a step back and establish some new boundaries when it comes to what I’m sharing. The key is this: don’t allow your level of emotional intimacy to exceed someone’s commitment to you or the commitment you’re willing to make. Emotional intimacy is powerful and sharing past and current struggles will accelerate that bonding process.