Co-Ruling and Co-Leading With Your Spouse

In my conservative, evangelical background, girls were raised to believe that we weren’t as important as men. Only men got the “good” gifts, like leadership and teaching. Our job as women was to teach children’s Sunday school and bake casseroles for various functions. We were taught to be silent and submissive, and never to question “God’s order” of things.


After marriage, my husband and I began attending a charismatic church where we were introduced to The 10 Lies the Church Tell Women by J. Lee Grady and Why Not Women? by Loren Cunningham, the founder of YWAM. Many of the Scriptures that had been used to teach submission were explained in the Greek, and they were not what we had been taught to believe.


We learned that Christ died to free women from every curse, even those brought on by the Fall (Gal. 3:13). God’s original plan for me was to co-lead and co-rule alongside my husband, and Christ died to restore that order (Gen. 1:26-28). For the first time in my life I felt affirmed—I was just as powerful and as important as a man! It took me a while to accept those truths. I felt rebellious just reading those books. “Submission” had been hammered in hard.


My husband had some un-learning to do, but with a minor in Women’s Studies, he was quick to champion me. He supported me as I led the prayer ministry at our church for seven years, designed an inner healing ministry (which turned out to be the most popular class at church), and eventually coordinated county prayer events under the National Day of Prayer. He now fervently backs women and violently opposes them marrying “below” themselves just to get a husband.


– Holly, 44, California, US

7 Sure-Fire Ways to Get Over Your Ex


We’ve all been there. It starts off with a, “Hey! We really need to talk.” Then a few minutes pass and you’re confronted with this awkward pseudo-question, “But I hope we can still be friends…?”


This isn’t another post about, why things didn’t work out. You’ve probably had enough of that already. No one plans on getting dumped. No one even expects it! But if you’re scrolling through Facebook broken-hearted, and trying to cope, we want you to know… we feel you. Here are 7 Sure-Fire Ways to Get Over Your Ex.


It’s okay to cry. Some of us are afraid to let it all out because we want to believe we are still in control. Like there’s an unsaid competition to see who takes the breakup the hardest.

Listen: no one wins.

Breakups are messy inside and out. Crying isn’t admitting defeat; it’s allowing your heart to process. Think about it this way: someone who was once a part of your life has just decided not to be. Yikes! That’s a pretty heavy blow for anyone, and that’s something that is out of our control. If I was hit by a car on Thursday, I wouldn’t be at work on Friday pretending like nothing happened. So why is it, that culturally, we are forced to get up and walk off our heartbreak?


Okay, okay. We’re not telling you to commit a felony (especially if your ex went to law school). However, we have to recognize that burning is a metaphor for something deeper. It’s a way of reinforcing the fact that it’s really over. Nothing is worse than being stuck in a relationship with the ghost of your ex.


Being in a relationship shouldn’t change you, right? I mean if someone really loves you they should love you for who you are; the good, the bad, and the ugly… Right? So then why do we change? Where do we go wrong?

The truth is, relationships are not about change but exchange.

When we decide to be with someone we undoubtedly invite them to influence us. That doesn’t mean they control us, but instead we allow ourselves to be re-positioned when the need arises. We all want love to flow through our relationships, however, sometimes we can become the hindrance to that goal.

So then, are you still functioning like you’re in a relationship? If so, remember who you were before you got into a relationship and simply readjust.


We all get tempted to talk to our ex’s friends. Sometimes it’s because we legitimately have a lot more in common with them. Other times, it’s simply because they’re cuter. Whatever the case:

Just don’t do it!

This isn’t Nike, and Kevin Durant is not your friend…

Nothing is more tempting than talking about your ex when you’ve just broken up. Talking to your ex’s friends can easily become a way of accessing their lives when your ex has already decided not be a part of yours. It’s low! Even if you’re not trying to get information and you legitimately want to get to know an ex’s friend, give it a few weeks. Intentionally seeking out an ex’s friend after a breakup can be misinterpreted easily, and nothing can be a bigger put-off.


Believe it or not, rebounding isn’t going to get rid of the pain and disappointment you may be feeling.

Instead, reconsider your relationship.

Take the good things and celebrate them. Take the bad things, reassess them, and take responsibility for your part. That doesn’t mean you have to send a massive text-apology to your ex, or you need to call them up. Just forgive yourself! Then give yourself the freedom to move forward.


Take some time to not think about your breakup. Go have fun! Enjoy your friends, family, and the outdoors. Try taking a new class, going to a concert, or starting a new project. Whatever the case, give yourself permission to be happy again.


Stop reflecting. Stop reassessing. Stop wondering what your life would have been like if you were both still together. You deserve to be happy.

If you can’t stop thinking about your ex then talk to a close friend or mentor about it. You are the deciding factor when it comes to the kind of man or woman you want to be, and no past relationship has the right to control your future. Go! Take some risks, make good choices, and be free from your ex.

Victor Morales (Intern)