I don’t ALWAYS plan things out, and I’m not always the fastest on my feet when it comes to being honest…and not awkward. So I’ve been at the end of a coffee date and suddenly realized, “I have no idea how to end this. Am I interested? Should we do it again? I don’t think I want to do another time, but how do I say that? Should I just walk away? No, you should say something…but what?”
Please, allow me to help you clearly communicate and end it well – whatever you decide.
FIRST THINGS FIRST: BEFORE YOU TALK, MAKE UP YOUR MIND.
Sometimes, you’re just having a blast and you know “This is awesome. I’d love to do this again.” You may also know “This person is great and valuable, but I’m not interested at all.” If either of those are the case, you already know. If you don’t know, use my trick. Go to the bathroom.
I excuse myself and go to the bathroom where I can get away for a moment and think to myself. I’ll be honest with myself and God with what I’m feeling and together, we’ll make a decision.
IF IT’S A “YES”:
Easy. Just share what you’re thinking (unless you’re planning your wedding day, then don’t say that…and stop living in fantasy land. Live in the first or second date. That’s where you are.)
I have had so much fun/really enjoyed this. I’d love to do this again. Would you be interested in that?
My suggestion would be try something different. If you had coffee, do something interactive. Plan a walk, mini-golfing, a bingo night, or to go dancing.
IF IT’S A “NO”:
Give them honor and respect, but don’t lead them on. Let them know where you are so they aren’t left guessing.
Thanks for meeting me today. It was nice to get to know you a little better. Maybe we’ll get to see each other around sometime.
Here, you’ve appreciated them as a person. You’ve used past tense language “it was nice getting to know you” so that you have finished what you started. Saying “maybe” and “sometime” is a nice sentiment, but you’re communicating that you’re not making plans ahead for the future without being blunt.
IF YOU DON’T KNOW.
Remember that you’re not planning a trip down the aisle or what your kids look like on this first date. You’re just trying to see if you like what happened enough to do it again. Our philosophy is to give everyone a chance (unless they’re a creep). If you didn’t hate it, give them a second chance. People can be super nervous and not fully show up on the first date. You could be there too. Give them another chance to be them, and you’ll get a more accurate picture of who they really are AND how you’re feeling. That being said, if you don’t know, then do it again and learn the person more. Just don’t use positive language that’s as strong.
Thanks for joining me today. I’ve enjoyed this. I’d like to get to know you better. Would you be interested in that?
After overcoming the initial leap of asking her out and actually getting a yes, you’re already doing great. Don’t put more pressure on yourself than you should; remember to have fun.
ABRAM GOFF HAS BEEN PART OF THE MORAL REVOLUTION TEAM SINCE 2014 CREATING GRAPHICS AND DIFFERENT FORMS OF MEDIA. HE HAS SERVED THROUGH GRAPHIC DESIGN INSIDE AND OUTSIDE THE CHURCH FOR OVER A DECADE. HIS PASSION IS TO SEE PEOPLE ACROSS THE NATIONS EXTRAVAGANTLY FALL IN LOVE WITH JESUS AND WALK IN PASSION, PURITY, AND PURPOSE. HE BELIEVES EACH PERSON IS MADE TO BE FULLY ALIVE AND FULLY BEAUTIFUL IN THEIR ORIGINAL DESIGN DISCOVERED THROUGH RELATIONSHIP WITH THE FATHER, SON, AND HOLY SPIRIT. WITH SOUTHERN BAPTIST ROOTS AND AS A GRADUATE OF BSSM, HE HAS A PASSION TO SEE THE WHOLE CHURCH DISCOVER AND WALK IN ALL OF WHO SHE REALLY IS.