In this blogpost, we’re going to talk about an issue I’m passionate about. We’re going to talk about…
I know, it can be weird, it can be a touchy subject, and Christians have all kinds of ideas and beliefs about it from courting, to dating, to “dourting”, to kissing dating goodbye. You may have tried to google what the Bible says about dating and found yourself in a whirlwind of scriptures about harlots and prostitutes and verses like “it’s better to marry than to burn with lust…”
This time around, we’re going to look at the book of Song of Solomon. This is a beautiful way to learn about dating because we’re learning by looking at this relationship between two other people in the Bible.
Now you might be married, single, widowed, divorced, but I think this is a topic we all can learn from. People in our community are in all different life stages, but we as the church are called to have a handle on what it looks like to live life well.
The first thing I want to cover under the topic of dating is ATTRACTION. So let’s dive into the first chapter of Song of Solomon. Verses 2-3 in this chapter say:
Let him kiss me (Ooooh, watch out ) with the kisses of his mouth—
for your love is more delightful than wine (if you’re over 21- wink)
Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
your name is like perfume poured out.
No wonder the young women love you!
Verse 2 is revolutionary. This is the Holy Bible, and we’re talking about kissing. We’re talking about passion. This is God’s Word, and His Word is infallible, inspired, and included for our benefit, and it’s talking about attraction.
Sometimes in church we can hyper-spiritualize things like, “I’m going to pray and fast and wear sackcloth and ashes to see if this is the person I should ask out for coffee…“ Listen, I think a great first step is to figure out if there’s attraction there. So if you’re asking someone out, or someone has asked you out, stop for a second and ask yourself, “Can I see myself attracted to this person?”
Now, let me just take a second to say, there’s a difference between attraction and lust.
Attraction is “Wow, that guy is handsome. That girl is pretty. I like her style. I love his heart for God.”
Lust is more like, “OMG he is so fine, did you see him? Oh my gosh He has an eight pack like Usher.”
When you start to cross over into lust, you gotta reel that back in. You may try to throw some 1 Peter 5:14 in there when you see a handsome man: “Greet one another with a kiss of love…” Uh uh. Nice try. That’s not what he was talking about. Attraction is one thing, lust is another.
Bringing it back a little bit, we need to be attracted to the person we’re eventually going to marry.
Guys, stop settling for the girl that carries a ten pound bible and your mom really likes her. Girls, stop settling for the guy who at least has a stable job because you’re afraid your biological clock is ticking. Don’t be rushed. Ask very fundamental, basic questions.
Am I attracted?
When Adam first saw Eve in the garden, he didn’t say, “Wow, I think she will be good for helping me till the garden and picking fruit.” No, he says, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” There’s this lyrical poetry that happens when he sees her for the first time. There is something redeeming and beautiful that happens when you are attracted to someone.
So if you’re thinking about asking someone out, or someone has asked you out, start with the fundamental, basic question: Are you attracted?
Stay connected with us for the second part of this series Creating Healthy Expectations…