The 23 Year Old Virgin

"A 23 Year Old What?"

A 23 year old virgin. How would you describe me? Desirable? Attractive? Pathetic? Inexperienced? Mature? Lucky? Wise?

I guess this probably depends on your thoughts about virginity. Or maybe on your experience. Maybe you’re still trying to figure out what you think about it. Perhaps no one ever told you that your virginity was something to be valued. Perhaps someone took advantage of you, and you didn’t know how to stop them. Perhaps you believed the status quo that told us that sex was “cool” or “necessary” for relational advancement. Perhaps you grew up in the church, being told that sex was bad and “fornicators go to hell” but when you're married it's wonderful and euphoric. Perhaps you never heard anyone talk about sex, but you saw plenty of it in movies, your favorite TV shows, and music videos.

Personally, I grew up in the church. I was afraid of sex. Not because I missed puberty and had no desire for it, but because I knew nothing about it. Constantly reminded of its negative side effects (unwanted pregnancy, STIs, social shame, etc), I knew enough to know that keeping sex inside of marriage made sense. What got confusing was hearing my friends talk about having sex and fooling around like it was the norm. Like it was awesome.

I didn’t understand. Didn’t they know that sex was only meant for marriage? Didn’t they know of all the bad things that could happen as a result? Why were they willing to take the risk? What was I missing?

Sex is beautiful. But because of my fear-driven abstinence, I couldn’t see that. I couldn’t see the powerful, bonding, and life-giving gift for what it was. I was afraid of it. How would a gold ring eradicate a life-long fear that had been so well-manicured in my heart? The truth is, it wouldn’t have.

You see, now that I understand (a bit more of) how beautiful and life-giving and bonding sex really is, I feel excited to share that with my husband. Marriage protects the God-intended effects of sex.

Sex was always a gift, and I can’t wait for my birthday!

- Anna Weygandt (Intern)