All the single ladies, put your hands up!
Oh hay, I see you wavin’ your hands over there like you just don’t care (even though I know you totally do). Don’t you worry baby girl, even when you feel totally invisible to the male species, I see you.
Hands up again: How many of you are still waiting for a glimpse of the infamous, mythical Mr. Right? (Hey, you can’t raise your hand if you’re already married! Them’s the rules.)
Sure, I know what you’re thinking: He’s the unicorn of mankind. He’s like a good Nicolas Cage movie; a humble Kanye West; the holy grail of the female conquest for love.
In other words, He just doesn’t exist.
But what if he does?
It all depends on how you define “right”. For some, it’s someone who is fitting, appropriate, complementary. For others, it’s perfection. English is such a tricky language sometimes.
Let me tell you something: I’m a notorious perfectionist, so my biggest fear is having standards that are way too high. Not only must he have impeccable taste in everything, he must also have a more than basic understanding of proper grammar, an affinity with children, a solid family, a great sense of humor, be a creative genius and love cats.
Do you know how hard that is to find? I’m sure you do. Because if you’re anything like me, you have a long list of “must-haves” and “wants” and won’t settle for anything less than the best.
But what if I don’t really know what’s best for me? I may know what I want, but I don’t necessarily know what I need. Have you ever been thrown into a new job without much training? Sometimes you don’t have the questions to ask until you get there. You don’t know what you need until you’re in the thick of it.
Finding a life partner can be very much like that. I’m not a serial dater per se, but I’m also not against getting to know people who seem interesting to me. My motto used to be, “everyone deserves an opportunity to prove how wonderful they are.” I went on dates, got to know what I wanted, got to know what I needed (often uncomfortably) and found out what I just can’t live without.
So far, I haven’t met someone who has satisfied that last part, but I’m gaining a better understanding of what’s really right for me. Most likely not an exact replica of me, my tastes, my perspectives, or my dreams but probably someone I never saw coming. Someone different, challenging, intriguing. Imperfect, even.
My question is this: What if we threw out the lists and just listened to our hearts?
Don’t get me wrong. I love writing lists. I love seeing what’s in my heart and putting language to my desires, but it shouldn’t stop there. Once you know that what’s in there, let it lead you where it may. But understand that what makes someone perfect for you is how much they fill in the gaps you didn’t see, how they understand you in the oddest moments, and how they surprise you with their whims. So girls, put your hands down, your pen away, and start listening.
You never know, Mr. Right may become Mr. Real in no time at all.
-Leah Sookoo, Intern