Let’s admit it, we’re all busy. Not only that, but when you throw kids in the mix it can often feel like you’re at the mercy of what life has to throw in your direction. If you’re a parent you know exactly what I’m talking about. Managing the kids’ school schedule, extra curricular activities, homework, parent-teacher meetings, and the list goes on. Let’s not forget about managing your own career, groceries, bills, social gatherings, etc. It’s easy to feel like the last thing you have time for is a date night with the person you see every day.
That’s where you couldn’t be more wrong.
Take a moment and think about what your relationship looked like when you were dating. There was intentional time dedicated to getting to know one another. Within that time you had a chance to “put life on pause” not because you had to, but because you wanted to. It was a choice you made then, and you can make the same choice now.
The worst thing you can do for your marriage is to stop dating your spouse. When this happens is when the beginning of decay in your connection starts. Now some of you might be saying “That’s a bit extreme…. We do just fine without date nights.” To that I would have to challenge your ability to see your marriage from the lens of “till death do us part”. If you stop dating your spouse you won’t be filing for divorce next week, but what you are doing is removing the very ingredient that made you fall in love (to the point where you married him/her). Over time that wears on the relationship. It causes your marriage to slowly loose the excitement and romance that God intended to be there until the very end.
We all know that marriage is holy and set apart. I don’t think anyone would dispute that. So why is it that so many of us treat marriage as second in line to so many other things in life? How do we lose site of that time when we were madly in love and committed to loving our spouse until our last breath?
Date nights keep the commitment and passion alive.
Here are a few reasons my wife and I commit to dates on a regular basis:
1. Distraction-free time to connect. Whether you have kids or not this first point can apply. When at home you probably often grab your phone, watch tv, talk about your schedule, or just want some peace and quiet. On the other hand, when you block out a time to go on a date it’s an opportunity to create a distraction-free environment. One where you block out everything else you have going on and solely connect with one another. That means NOT looking at your phone, but looking into the eyes of the person you love.
2. Heart Connection. This comes into play after point one. Once you have blocked out a time, then take that time to connect with one another. Really connect. Men, here’s a side tip… doing this leads to more and better sex… since emotional connection is very directly connected with pleasure and the ability to orgasm.
3. It helps integrate fun into your marriage. When you plan dates, you generally plan to do something that’s out of the ordinary. This leads to more memories and an opportunity to break up “life as usual” (I’ll expand on this point in a later post).
4. It helps create a team dynamic. We only have one life to live. You’ve chosen to live it with the person you married. The last thing you want is to wake up in five, ten, or twenty years and find yourself with a roommate. When we go on dates it allows us to process the fact that we’re doing life with someone. We can laugh, cry, fight, make up, pray, etc. We’re in it together.
I’m sure that others could add to this list, but these should be reason enough to raise the priority of date nights in your marriage.
My wife and I try to do a date once a week. Does that always happen? No. But it does keep date nights at the forefront of our connection. If you don’t currently go on dates, try to schedule one in the next month. The goal is to be intentional about connecting with one another. Go ahead. Risk pursuing each other like you were dating again and see what happens.
JOSH CEARBAUGH IS A LIFE CONSULTANT WITH A UNIQUE ABILITY TO LEAD PEOPLE THROUGH TRANSFORMATION. THROUGH A COMBINATION OF CONSULTING TECHNIQUES, HE HELPS INDIVIDUALS TO IDENTIFY, AND THEN DISMANTLE, THE CRIPPLING CYCLES WHERE THE MAJORITY OF US FIND OURSELVES STUCK. HE HAS A PASSION FOR CONNECTING PEOPLE TO THEIR HEART AND HELPING THEM CREATE PRACTICAL STRATEGIES TO CHANGE THEIR LIVES. MOST RECENTLY, JOSH’S CONSULTING PRACTICE HAS BEEN LOCATED IN REDDING, CA
HE MET DANIELLE, HIS WIFE OF EIGHT YEARS, IN MOZAMBIQUE WHILE ATTENDING IRIS HARVEST SCHOOL. THEY CURRENTLY HAVE TWO BOYS AND ONE BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL.