When I look back on my life, I see that when I was in relationship with someone, I was focused on how much could I get, and how much would they give. After I took all I could out of them, I got bored with my partners, but I would stay with them out of guilt. I said I was staying because I loved them, but my love was conditional on how much they gave me sex, attention, or sacrifice, and how much they didn’t inconvenience me. I would go out my way for them and fight for them, but only if I was getting what I wanted in return—sex and other things.
After allowing God to reveal real love to me—real *unconditional* love—I have been unable to think of myself. It is no longer about how I can get something from someone; it’s all about my partner and how great I can make her, how amazing can she be, how can I help her achieve her goals. It’s about laying down my life and dreams to fulfill hers, and *letting* her do the same for me. It’s about dying to myself, and together raising each other up.
I have learned that love means “not doing” as much as it does “doing.” If you can maintain your sex drive toward women, and then toward the woman of your dreams, not sexualizing them for your emotional and momentary gain before marriage, then you will be able to give her anything and everything. You will be able to focus all your love towards her. Sex is not love. Sex outside of love says “satisfy me,” where as sex in marriage is an expression of love that says, “Let me satisfy you and your needs.”
Parker, 25, California, US