Character, communication and choosing love will sustain, revive and renew a relationship for the long-haul.
“Personality” is easy to understand. Your “personality” is how people experience you. It’s your public persona. Character is who you are when no one is watching.
Character is defined by the dictionary as, “the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.” Here at Moral Revolution we talk about ‘core values’. The definition of core is ‘at the heart of’ and the definition of value is, “A person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life.” So therefore, our core values are the standards we have chosen to put at the center of our lives, that govern our choices and behaviors.
Character shows itself when we choose to live by our core values despite feeling misunderstood, maligned, accused or overlooked. If I have a core value that says I will work to not wound others when in discussion with people, then in the heat of the moment I will avoid words or phrases like: “you never…..” or “you always….”
“The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with
a personality, but we must live with a character.”
– Peter Devries –
Marriage is a covenant that we make for life, with one person, before God. It lasts too long, at too close quarters for it to be sustained simply by personalities relating together. Personalities eventually give way to an inner self that gets revealed; a meeting of characters. Most other people in your life hold up mirrors that reflect your personality and you (probably) love it because they show your best side. Whilst in marriage the same is true, it also feels like the other person is holding up a mirror to your character and you may possibly be seeing a side of yourself that is not as delightful as you thought!
One reason people fail at marriage is not that they don’t like their spouse, it’s that they don’t like themselves. Many people would rather choose to be with someone else than remain with their spouse and have to continue to be with themselves.
God is a covenant-maker and a covenant-keeper. It’s who He is and an intrinsic part of His nature and character. When He makes covenant, He is never going to go back on His word. “He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a human being, that he should change his mind” (1 Samuel 15:29).
Covenant and character development go hand-in-hand. In our relationship with God it is so and in our marriages it is so. God covenants with us so deeply so that when He holds that mirror up and we squirm at the ugliness within us, we can still stand before Him knowing that we are loved and seen and He does not hide from us. As we walk that path with Him it trains us for marriage and other covenants. We can begin to dare to believe that we can be transparent in our closest relationships because we are fully loved by the One who sees it all and loves us, laughs with us and transforms us.
Sadly, there are some circumstances where separation and divorce become necessary, due to violence and mistreatment. But we must be careful not to then start saying divorce under any circumstances is okay. God’s words created this world. When He spoke, things were created and things changed. We are made in His image. Our words matter. The vows and promises we speak with our mouths He takes very seriously.
Divorce is not an option if we have grown bored or because we feel we have grown out of love. Character, communication and choosing love will sustain, revive and renew for the long-haul. God does it with us. He is passionate about covenant! He promises us power, love, self-control and humility. HE gives us the power to be with one another in a covenant relationship that so beautifully reflects His character and nature!
– Soo Prince (Intern)