I have been dating a guy for 7 months, we are both 19. I have no plans on getting married right now, which he knows. But, I also don’t know if he is the one or not. I think his mind is starting to get there. Do you think I am leading him on when I don’t know if he is it, while dating this long?
First of all, I believe that it is key to have communication at the foundation of any relationship. Danny Silk (founder of Loving on Purpose) says: “Assuming you know something is one of the biggest obstacles to healthy communication.” In any relationship you get to share your perspective without assuming that the other person already knows what your normal is, what you might be expecting, how you might feel, etc.
That being said, I would encourage you to communicate with your boyfriend what your expectations are for the future and especially in regard to marriage. Communicating expectations in any relationship, but particularly in a romantic relationship, is key. That way you can understand each other’s normal and find a common ground.
For you personally, I would suggest to ask yourself what you believe to be true about there being only one right person for you. You mentioned that you weren’t sure “if he is it”. They are very different perspectives on this matter so I will give you my personal opinion. Even though there might be some of us that have one particular person designed for us, I believe that any man can make a marriage work with any woman. It is important to consider whether you are a good fit for each other based on your strengths, dreams, life calling, etc.
It is important that you do not isolate yourself with your questions. Isolation is no one’s friend and has caused many people a lot of heartache. Share your thoughts/questions with leaders, mentors, spiritual parents, friends, etc and get feedback. Getting others’ perspective on your relationship is really helpful since they are not in the relationship and therefore are not personally involved with their feelings.
Here are a few resources I would like to recommend to you:
Communication Dance by Danny Silk : This is a practical and insightful look at how people can learn a better way to get their messages of life and love into their most important relationships.
Communication (couch conversations): Guys and girls discuss the importance of communication.
Decisions and God by Eric Johnson
Finding “The One” by Dann Farrelly