Four Tips for Being the Man Women Want

Kris Vallotton

Dating, Marriage

I’ve had love and relationships on my mind the last few weeks, specifically how to build successful relationships. Let’s take a look at this from the beginning; finding a partner.

 

4 THINGS WOMEN LOOK FOR IN A MAN

A true princess is not going to be attracted to a snob or a slob. They are looking for someone who shows them honor and respect, a man who pursues them like a valued jewel, not like a dog in heat. I surveyed several single women and asked them what qualities they want most in a guy. Here are their answers in the order they listed them. Now if you’re already married or in a relationship, I encourage you to keep reading on. I believe that relationships take constant intentionality and these principles can apply in any stage of your relationship:

1) Integrity

Women would like to have a deep relationship with a man who has integrity; someone who shows up in the way they say they will, which means they don’t make promises that they cannot keep. Men, metaphorically speaking, it is vital that you are not “writing checks” physically, emotionally and spiritually without the money in the bank to cash them.

2) Honesty

They need a man who is honest, transparent and vulnerable—first with himself, then with the lady in their life. It is painful when men are dishonest and keep things in the shadows. The fruit of an honest man is that you make the woman you’re pursuing feel emotionally safe.

3) Confidence

Confidence coupled with humility is a beautiful thing, but pride sucks. Women mentioned that they don’t need a man to have it all together, they just need someone who trusts the Lord, doesn’t live in fear and are therefore are able to lead the relationship well. Men, when you pursue a woman’s heart with confidence and a plan to bring strength to the relationship, their confidence grows as well.

4) Self-Sacrifice and Love

Women want a man who is sacrificial and knows how to love in a way that makes them feel valued. Men, women want you to help meet their needs even when it is difficult so they know they’re unconditionally loved throughout all of the circumstances of life.

 

A MAN WITH A PLAN

I’d like to talk to all the men out there today; it’s important to pursue your love interest with a plan. If you’re not at a place in your life where you’re ready to be married, then do everyone a favor (yourself included) and take a break from dating. I’m not saying you have to know that you’re going to marry every girl you take on a coffee date, but if you’re not serious about finding your life partner then it’s likely you’ll treat dating as something casual, as having fun with a cool chick, and “maybe she’ll end up being the one” attitude. Women are looking for men to be purposeful as you pursue their heart. Being honest with where you stand in your pursuit, even if that means you’re not ready to pursue at all, will set women up to only give of themselves to the degree of the commitment level you’re at. The bottom line is, make sure you know what commitment level you’re ready for, intentionally stay at that level of commitment, and make sure your words and actions line up along the way.

 

HAVING A MENTOR

Being connected to a role model or mentor is imperative for success in these areas. Inviting someone into your life who you are real and raw with, someone who can crack your heart wide open in all areas is invaluable. Many people hide their weaknesses hoping that no one will ever truly see the “real” them. But hiding your flaws only allows your dysfunctional cycle to continue. It is only when you are real with God, with yourself and with others that you begin to become healthy and find freedom and wholeness in your life. So if you don’t have a mentor, seek one out and begin to open your life to their feedback.

What kind of attributes do you look for in a partner? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below!

Originally published on krisvallotton.com.

KRIS VALLOTTON IS THE AUTHOR OF NUMEROUS BOOKS, CO-AUTHOR OF THE BEST SELLING SUPERNATURAL WAYS OF ROYALTY, AND IS A WELL-KNOWN INTERNATIONAL CONFERENCE SPEAKER. KRIS IS THE FOUNDER AND PRESIDENT OF MORAL REVOLUTION, THE SENIOR ASSOCIATE LEADER OF BETHEL CHURCH, AND THE CO-FOUNDER OF BETHEL SCHOOL OF SUPERNATURAL MINISTRY.  HE AND HIS WIFE, KATHY, HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 40 YEARS AND RESIDE IN REDDING, CALIFORNIA.  THEY HAVE FOUR GROWN CHILDREN AND EIGHT GRAND CHILDREN.
FACEBOOK: FACEBOOK.COM/KVMINISTRIES
TWITTER: TWITTER.COM/KVMINISTRIES
INSTAGRAM: INSTAGRAM.COM/KVMINISTRIES

8 Responses to “Four Tips for Being the Man Women Want”

  1. Marcella Ciufo

    I have been enjoying the opportunity to follow this page and read the daily quotes. I have not dated anyone but have been working on myself in this single stage of life. It’s been very helpful to read the daily quotes that you post,as an encouragement! Thank you!

  2. Jason

    I really enjoyed this article; most of it is well put with a lot of good advice. However; there was one thing you said that jumped out at me as being oversimplified.
    It was when you said “So if you don’t have a mentor, seek one out and begin to open your life to their feedback.”
    Don’t get me wrong; I completely agree that it’s important to have a mentor, but I do not agree that it’s as easy to find one as you make it sound. Perhaps that is only because of how it’s worded and not what you were trying to say.
    My issue is that it is much harder to find a mentor than how you made it sound. Not just anyone can be a mentor; it takes someone who is wise and understanding. I myself have sought out a mentor for years, and even came close to finding one. Yet, he just wasn’t able to understand my particular struggle. (and he was a pastor)
    I have sought for a mentor for almost 10 years now, and I pray about it, but I am still searching.
    I would ask my godly friends for help in finding a mentor. However; I failed to make any meaningful friendships with faithful men around my age, despite being activly involved in my old church for 8 years, and attending youth events in an attempt to make friends.
    So I guess what I’m really saying is, what advice do you have for someone in their late 20’s who has activly tried to “seek one out” for close to 10 years and come up empty? Because; I am about ready to give up looking all together.

    • Teodor

      Hey Jason! 🙂

      I just prayed for you, and i remembered this:
      A few times i have checked my snapchat only to find out no one had sent me any snaps. Then i realized i had not sent any myself for many days.

      I belive you will find what you are searching for, God bless you!

  3. Shawn

    Having been married for 22 years and now divorced…I feel that the points made in this article are SPOT on, valid and puts words to what I felt at times but have had a hard time communicating! Thanks for the article!

  4. Andrea

    Yes! Right on! I like the mentor part especially. A man who grows himself and has a mentor is Very sexy. 🙂 haha (is that allowed to say on a Christian website?)

  5. I love Christian answers because it is so easy to spot the “moral response” in them. Did Pastor Kris survey “women” in the real world or rather bssm students?
    Four things women look for in a man, “the real world response” and yes Christinans live in the real world:
    1. A bank account
    2. Career or job to supply the bank account
    3. A car (preferably with four wheels attached)
    4. A bank account

Leave a Reply