Reader's Question

Dear Sex Therapist,
I am passionate about Jesus. I was radically saved from a worldly lifestyle. I have had sex before I was saved. But now I'm continuing this walk with Jesus day by day, but it's always getting me. I have told my family this after beating myself to it for at least a year. But I'm still struggling. I can't do anything about this guilt I have inside of me. I'm a high-schooler and my father's a pastor, a worship leader. Although my lifestyle is straight with God now, what can I do with the things that are stepping in front of me, when it should actually be behind me?

Sex Therapist's Answer

I can tell that this is really painful for you! Hopefully I can help with that. A couple of things to think about.

First, you might want to have someone pray for you to break any soul ties. See: http://moralrevolution.com/topic/tags/soul-ties. But what really stands out for me is that it sounds like you are dealing with shame instead of guilt. Guilt is about a behavior, something you have done that you regret. Guilt leads us to Jesus for forgiveness. But shame is about who you are, your identity. It can feel like a huge weight on your life that you can't get out from under, like inside you are twisted and dirty. But that is just a trick of the enemy--it is an illusion!

The reality is that you became a new person when you came to Jesus-- you got "radically saved". That newness didn't just mean that you are clean on the outside--you are new all the way through! Your sins are forgiven and you are in! That is the outrageous truth of the gospel. But the fight for you is to believe that Jesus' sacrifice for you was enough--that the gospel really is true. You are forgiven for having sex! So what you want to do is accept that forgiveness and then turn your face and go in a different direction. Rather than focusing on what you have done, focus on the future of who you ARE.

Keep the vision of who you are and the man you want to be before you. There is a verse in Isaiah 28 that talks about God being strong for those who turn back the battle at the gate. That means that you don't let in those negative thoughts about what you did. You turn them away at the gate and don't let them into the fortress which is your life. When the thought comes, you say, "No! That is forgiven-- this is who I am!" And then think about your vision of the person you want to be. You are forward facing not backward looking. Make a decision that from this day forward you will not look back, you will not entertain those thoughts any more, you will turn them away at the gate. Have someone pray for you to break any soul ties. I am so glad that you are passionate about Jesus--keep going after Him and pressing into who He is! Your passion is a wonderful thing! Then just let the wonder of His love for you, the purity of who you are in Him wash over you, strengthen you and fill you with peace.