Moral Revolution – The naked truth about sexual purity

From an early age sex became an interesting and a secret desire. It wasn't until I was in middle school, that it became a daily struggle in my life. I began masturbating every night and it always led to shameful feelings. It led me to feel like I wasn't worth very much and I couldn't ever be anyone special. I was so shy that I could never raise my hand in class. I didn't have very many friends. And I wouldn't desire an intimate relationship with God because I felt so dirty. I grew up in church and I felt like such a liar when I sat on the pew every morning.

The first time I became sexually active, I was very young. A friend of mine wanted to "play" a game. I just did not know what it was. It was wrong. After a while, I came in contact with pornography, although I wasn't addicted to it. I would watch it now and then. I lost my virginity on the age of 14, and became more and more sexually active. I was always on the go to find boys that would give me attention. I thought if I would go to bed with my boyfriends, they would stay with me.

My story starts as an adolescent/teen that was completely friendless and loveless. At 13 years old I was almost driven to suicide due to the constant torment from my peers and people I then called friends. A divorce between my parents pushed me close to finding God and I started accepting his true, unwavering love. I joined the youth choir two years later and shortly after joined the Leadership Team.

We met when I was 14. He chased me for five yrs, but never committed. I was cheating myself. He had a girlfriend. He wanted to 'marry me', just not now.

I saw the good in him, but I lost myself in his own mess. He was self destructive, charming, addicted to sex, drugs and alcohol. But he was a massive charmer, liar and thief. He knew true life, but chose to put it on hold and play with fire in the meantime. He taught me love was about games. It hurt a LOT. All we did was kiss, but he took my whole heart. I can't imagine the pain if i gave it all.

I was born and raised in church my whole life. I discovered pornography at the age of 16. By the age of 12, all the men in my life, spoke to me as if I was "one of the guys". I remained a virgin until I was 18 yrs old, mostly out of fear of getting her pregnant. Throughout my high school years, I had one girlfriend for a total of 3 months.

Here a few things I am learning: By not ignoring my sex drive has forced me to learn SO SO much! When I realized that sex isn’t just about my physical pleasure, but my emotional connection, porn became disgusting. Now I get more pleasure from the connection, than the physical feelings. All men can learn to desire this emotional connection, more than the physical act of sex. One key: learn to fearlessly open myself up to women, and then go dancing or sing a song to them, or something I'm too embarrassed to do by myself!

I was hopeless. Sinking down deeper and deeper into depression. I was in 8th grade. Boys were all that I thought about, all of the time. If the one I "liked" didn't talk to me, I would cry. If he "flirted" with another girl, I would cry. My days almost always ended in the same way: crying. I went to church and desired God, but I always gave in to temptation. He wasn't my everything, but I wanted Him to be.

I am 19 years old grew up in the Netherlands. I grew up in a family of 4 children with my parents. When I was 14 my parents got in a divorce. My parents owned a couple of businesses and my father was hardly ever home. Due to I a lot of mental abuse by my father, I started on a journey of getting love and acceptance elsewhere.

I held my heart close to my soul, within dark shadows I believed it to be safe. O how I longed to expose it to the light of love, but I wasn't sure anyone would take notice.

As she came into view, my heart reveled in her radiant light, it was like a full moon on a cold January night. Everything else around me went black as the winter sky, the sun was eclipsed by her smile alone.

I am just your average American girl. Going into my freshmen year of college I held a wave of momentum that was destined for great things, but there was always one thing I lacked, a close relationship with my heavenly Father.

I headed off to college a broken and lonely girl. My axiology system was infiltrated with lies and deceit about who I was in the Father. I had been a women of God all my life, how could I possibly be broken?