Reader's Question

Dear Team
How will I 'know' if a man is someone worth marrying? There is a man pursuing me intensely, but I am so uncertain about whether or not God wants us to be together.

Team's Answer

Thanks so much for your question. I appreciate your vulnerability. It is noteworthy that you are taking the time to evaluate the situation at this point. This is an opportunity to walk as a powerful person and be all that God created you to be. I love your heart to please God and walk in His will. The fear of man brings a snare, but those who trust in the Lord shall be safe. (Proverbs 29:25)

First of all, the two most important decisions you will ever make in your lifetime are, whether or not you will give your life to Jesus, and who you will marry. Moral Revolution’s position is to equip you with tools that lead toward healthy relationships and help you to walk in all that God has created you to be.

Before we can even discuss the topic of marriage, you need to recognize a few things about yourself to determine who you are. The more you understand about yourself, the easier it will be to identify what you want in a man.

1. Acknowledge Your Needs:
We all have needs that must be fulfilled physically, spiritually and emotionally.
Physical needs include eating properly, exercising regularly and getting adequate rest.
Spiritual needs are met by staying in connection with God and receiving His love on a daily basis. This affects how we think, the way we decide and the way we respond.
Emotional needs are met by making powerful decisions, connecting with other healthy people and building relationships in community. A helpful tool to redefine these steps can be found in Danny Silk’s manual, “Defining the Relationship,” particularly session 4 entitled, “7 Pillars to a Healthy Relationship.” http://store.ibethel.org/p4952/defining-the-relationship-manual-new-edition

2. Get Your Needs Met:
Recognizing how you are wired will give you insight on what makes you come alive. Here are a few questions that you might start asking yourself:

What is your love language?
Is it spending quality time with people, acts of service, giving gifts, words of affirmation, or touch? A great tool to discover this is the book "The Five Love Languages Singles Edition."

What are your spiritual gifts?
Do you have the gift of hospitality, are you called to leadership, do you have the gift of mercy, are you a teacher? A free online test that will help you discover these is: http://www.kodachrome.org/spiritgift/

What are the dreams in your heart?
The dreams and visions God has placed in our hearts as children can sometimes grow dim as we become older and disillusioned with life. You may want to start stirring up what may appear “impossible” and start by writing those desires down. An amazing website that can aid you in getting this process started and bring your dreams back to life is: http://idreamculture.com

Other questions for you to consider: How do you enjoy spending your time? Do you benefit from volunteering, or being in community? Are you part of a home group? Do you have a life coach to meet with one on one? All of these answers will help identify who you are and what makes you tick. It is from this point that you will be able to determine who you want to run with and how to build healthy connections.

3. Find A Mentor:
Having a mentor or a person who is committed to your spiritual growth is a vital key in building healthy relationships. This person(s), who will pray for you and hold you accountable, is not only invaluable but also essential for growth. Connecting with your spiritual parents on a regular basis and sharing your dreams, struggles and challenges will place you under God’s covering and give you a different perspective.

4. Live From Virtue:
Writing down the characteristics that you want in a man would be extremely helpful before you become involved in any relationship. A virtue is “a particular moral excellence, such as integrity, purity, sincerity, self control.” Chapter 3 of Kris Vallatton’s book, “Moral Revolution” is a great resource to help you identify what virtues are, how to live from them and what you may desire in your partner in marriage.

A link to a video, entitled, “I will wait for you” is extremely inspiring

I do want you to be aware that just because a man may be pursuing you, it is not necessarily a sign that the relationship is from God. As you live from virtues, rather than emotions, you will feel empowered and be less likely to put yourself in vulnerable situations that could be dangerous. Building healthy relationships is not a quick process, but a life skill that evolves from recognizing what your needs are and getting them met in healthy ways. As you become more confident in who you are and what makes you blossom, it will be easier to identify what you appreciate and desire from a potential male relationship. I bless you during this season to seek the heart of God and discover all that He has placed within you to make healthy choices.