Co-Ruling and Co-Leading With Your Spouse

Holly, 44, California

Healing & Restoration, Marriage

In my conservative, evangelical background, girls were raised to believe that we weren’t as important as men. Only men got the “good” gifts, like leadership and teaching. Our job as women was to teach children’s Sunday school and bake casseroles for various functions. We were taught to be silent and submissive, and never to question “God’s order” of things.


After marriage, my husband and I began attending a charismatic church where we were introduced to The 10 Lies the Church Tell Women by J. Lee Grady and Why Not Women? by Loren Cunningham, the founder of YWAM. Many of the Scriptures that had been used to teach submission were explained in the Greek, and they were not what we had been taught to believe.


We learned that Christ died to free women from every curse, even those brought on by the Fall (Gal. 3:13). God’s original plan for me was to co-lead and co-rule alongside my husband, and Christ died to restore that order (Gen. 1:26-28). For the first time in my life I felt affirmed—I was just as powerful and as important as a man! It took me a while to accept those truths. I felt rebellious just reading those books. “Submission” had been hammered in hard.


My husband had some un-learning to do, but with a minor in Women’s Studies, he was quick to champion me. He supported me as I led the prayer ministry at our church for seven years, designed an inner healing ministry (which turned out to be the most popular class at church), and eventually coordinated county prayer events under the National Day of Prayer. He now fervently backs women and violently opposes them marrying “below” themselves just to get a husband.


– Holly, 44, California, US

One Response to “Co-Ruling and Co-Leading With Your Spouse”

  1. I wish this spoke more to the importance of submission, but that it looks VERY different than what the world has shown us about submission as Holly shares about. I just didn’t get any appreciation for the fact that God does indeed call women to submit to their husbands, but that it is a beautiful and freeing thing when understood and carried out as God intended and nothing like the oppressive version the world has shown us. I believe that women can have wonderful roles in the Church and outside, as Holly has, but that does not mean there is no submission there and that submission is not part of “God’s order” of things. It’s beautiful that Holly get’s to serve in those capacities, though others may not have supported her due to their twisted views, but it’s just as beautiful to reach your full God-given potential while submitting to and enjoying God’s design and order…which does include wifely submission and husband servant-leadership, as Christ lead through His service.

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