7 Things to Look For in Someone to Date

Bianca Juarez Olthoff

Dating, Single Life

I was asked by a single friend of mine, “How do I know if I’m marrying the right person?” More specifically, “What are the signs that I’m making the right decision?”

The greatest advice I can give is this: how a man loves God is the way he will love you. How a woman loves God is how she will love you. If they’re passionate in serving God, they’ll be passionate in serving with and for you. If they’re apathetic, at some point they’ll probably be apathetic in their relationship with you.

There are also verses throughout the bible that tell us who we want to surround ourselves with. I highlighted seven of these verses here to give you an idea of what to look for in someone to date:

 

1. Someone who inspires you to do the right thing


What kind of person should you date? 2 Timothy 2:22 says, “Run from anything that gives you the evil thoughts that young men often have, but stay close to anything that makes you want to do right. Have faith and love, and enjoy the companionship of those who love the Lord and have pure hearts” (TLB). Someone who makes you want to do the right thing, loves the Lord, and has a pure heart before Him. That’s the person you should date.

 

2. Someone who loves God


2 Corinthians 6:14-15 says, Don’t be teamed with those who do not love the Lord, for what do the people of God have in common with the people of sin? How can light live with darkness? And what harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a Christian be a partner with someone who doesn’t believe?” (TLB)

This is reiterated in Amos 3:3 where it says, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” (NIV). You want to date someone who is going after God, so you can go after Him together.

 

3. Someone whose life matches their beliefs


Don’t date someone who claims to be a Christian, but doesn’t live like it. 1 Corinthians 5:11 tells us, “What I meant was that you are not to keep company with anyone who claims to be a brother Christian but indulges in sexual sins, or is greedy, or is a swindler, or worships idols, or is a drunkard, or abusive. Don’t even eat lunch with such a person” (TLB). If that’s the type of person you’re dating, you might want to rethink that before you go to the altar and say yes.

 

4. Someone who’s patient


Avoid dating people with a bad temper. Proverbs 22:24 says, Keep away from angry, short-tempered men, lest you learn to be like them and endanger your soul” (TLB). Having patience and knowing what to do with anger are both signs of maturity we should probably be looking for when deciding who to date.

 

5. Someone who’s hard-working


Don’t date a lazy Christian. 2 Thessalonians 3:6 tells us,  “Now here is a command, dear brothers, given in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ by his authority: Stay away from any Christian who spends his days in laziness and does not follow the ideal of hard work we set up for you” (TLB). You don’t want someone who is apathetic, but you want someone who is not afraid of hard work.

 

6. Someone who looks good on the inside, not just the outside


Inner beauty does count. In fact, it counts more than outer beauty. 1 Peter 3:4 says, “Be beautiful inside, in your hearts, with the lasting charm of a gentle and quiet spirit that is so precious to God” (TLB). Being attracted to the way someone looks is important, but it’s also important to be attracted to who they are as a person as well.

 

7. Someone who encourages and supports you


This has been so pivotal in my marriage and my relationship with my husband. He’s not trying to fit me into a cultural or stereotypical mold. As wives we can support our husbands, as husbands we can support our wives. Philippians 2:2 says, “Make me truly happy by loving each other and agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, working together with one heart and mind and purpose” (TLB).

 

So as we close things out, here’s a tidbit of advice for everyone in different seasons:

If you are not in a relationship but want to be, guard your heart and trust the Lord. Be wise as you’re walking into these relationships.

If you’re married and you’ve forgotten the passion that you had for your spouse, I pray that that is ignited and you love your spouse whole-heartedly once again. Reignite that passion. Remember why you were attracted to that person.

Lastly, there are people in relationships that are whack attack. You know you need to end it. If someone’s not going to cherish you, let them go. You are a child of God. You want someone who’s going to lead you, guide you, affirm you, encourage you, pick you up when you’re lazy, remind you of who you are in Christ, and call you out on your trash when needed. That’s what spouses are for.

So brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, let us love well, live well, and lead well not only in dating, but in all seasons of our lives.

 

BIANCA JUAREZ OLTHOFF IS A WRITER, SPEAKER, AND IN LOVE WITH TWO MEN: JESUS AND HER HUSBAND, MATT. BIANCA SPENDS HER WEEK WORKING AS CHIEF STORYTELLER FOR THE A21 CAMPAIGN, AN ANTI-HUMAN TRAFFICKING ORGANIZATION, AND AS THE CREATIVE DIRECTOR FOR PROPEL WOMEN. SHE LOVES HAVING DANCE PARTIES IN THE LIVING ROOM WITH HER TWO STEP CHILDREN OR COOKING MEALS FOR FRIENDS. 
WEBSITE: BIANCAOLTHOFF.COM
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3 Responses to “7 Things to Look For in Someone to Date”

  1. Elsie Bouwman

    Thank you Bianca!! I’m so thankful and grateful to you for expressing your heart about dating and the single life and including the Word of God so well. As a parent, I find you have said things that have lived in my heart a long time, and it’s great how you have said it so well here!

  2. Thank you for this… it is the most clear and well communicated thing I’ve read on dating from a godly perspective in a long time. Continues to affirm a decision I made months ago to let go of a relationship for the very reasons that you listed. You wrote them out so well that it made sense all over again in my heart + mind. Thank you. xx

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